Poetry

[Vampyr]

I was feeling depressed so I wrote this sonnett. I produced this thing in like 10 minutes, so its not that good. I was hoping that you guys could give me some advice and help me critique it. Possibly come with a better title, because I suck at titles.

Love's Last Testimony

The red rose has bloomed and died,
Sapphire orbs of eyes that once were mine.
The crimson dove has flown and dived,
Hair of Angels, touched by me, never mine.

A Heaven of love that used to burn,
Now a Hell of loss that freezes and numbs.
What was I supposed to learn?
That it never should have begun?

My heart is screaming for you,
But you won’t answer back.
You have painted my soul blue,
Because it’s you that I lack.

I wait as the dew waits for the sun,
Will this Hell never be done?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good? Bad? Ugly? Give me your opinion.

[Ace195]

Originally Posted by Vampyr

I was feeling depressed so I wrote this sonnett. I produced this thing in like 10 minutes, so its not that good. I was hoping that you guys could give me some advice and help me critique it. Possibly come with a better title, because I suck at titles.

Hell is Cold

The red rose has bloomed and died,
Sapphire orbs of eyes that once were mine.
The crimson dove has flown and dived,
Hair of Angels, touched by me, never mine.

A Heaven of love that used to burn,
Now a Hell of loss that freezes and numbs.
What was I supposed to learn?
That it never should have begun?

My heart is screaming for you,
But you won’t answer back.
You have painted my soul blue,
Because it’s you that I lack.

I wait as the dew waits for the sun,
Will this Hell never be done?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good? Bad? Ugly? Give me your opinion.

:zombie: It's good .. Nah I'm just playing it's really good.. Who did you write it about.