Ask GameTavern

[Neo]

Dear university student,

Your best way of dealing with the situation would be to take advantage of the grandmother sexually. That way you can exercise a type of revenge against the husband for his misdeeds. This action could be very cathartic.

[Neo]

Dear former gay man,

These days this type of behavior is not at all unexpected. However, it would make sense to move to a more liberal area of the country. Also, be sure you get to know the woman first before you reveal how much cock you may have sucked in the past.

[Neo]

Dear P.I. hirer,

Stop playing head games with your man. You deserve to be cheated on. In fact, I bet you have cheated on him multiple times in the past. You are a filthy, filthy whore.

[manasecret]

Yesss Neo wins. Except for the former gay man. Professor S wins on that.

[KillerGremlin]

Revival plz.

[Xantar]

Sorry. It's been a crazy tax season. So let's see what I've got in my catalog...

Dear GameTavern,

Dear Xantar,

I never thought I’d ask anyone or myself this question, but I must, and you seem to be the right person to answer it (Editor’s note: she's talking about the original advice columnist, not you guys at GT). I’m a 57-year-old gorgeous professional blonde woman, with lots of brains and also many plastic surgeries. To begin, I got a beautiful full C cup breast augmentation, later I acquired lovely rounded buttocks implants and at 56 I had a partial facelift that left my face looking as young as I feel, which borders on forty. My students at school think I look in my twenties and everyone thinks I look super sexy and natural. Sure, only my doctors and close relatives know the truth! The problem is after my second divorce, I’ve become timid and insecure about actually having sex with a new man because I don’t know what I would say, if they asked why I had all these surgeries. Now after getting so many added assets to the many natural ones I myself used to have, has made me feel too perfect to be true or artificially beautiful, which might be interpreted as being superficial or insecure. Why is it that becoming the physical person I always wanted to be, without flaws, still leaves me feeling unhappy and scared?? Please, help me understand the problem I’m confronting because somehow finding the solution escapes me.

By the way, I will join the chorus in fully endorsing Professor S and Neo's responses. Keep it coming and I'll keep it going.

[magus113]

Because the fact that you had these flaws at some point in the past, you probably won't ever get over the fact that you had them or you might feel you still do. The fact that you still needed an operation so recently just proves the point that you will be constantly striving for perfection.

[manasecret]

Dear Fake Gorgeous Professional Blonde Woman,

I hear Diary of a MILF is hiring.


Xantar:

Don't forgot to post the "real" answer to the gay man's question.

[Neo]

Dear Plastic Woman,

Your insecurity most likely stems from the fact that although you are clearly way past your prime, you are disingenuously representing yourself to your consequently one-night stands. Like most men my age, I would probably just "hit it and quit it."

P.S. Plastic is both freaky and disgusting.

[Xantar]

Originally Posted by manasecret

Xantar:

Don't forgot to post the "real" answer to the gay man's question.

Nowhere near as good as Strangler's. The advice columnist merely said, "For every woman who is turned off by the news that you used to be gay, I guarantee that there is a woman who will be intrigued. Be open about your past."

I'll wait to see if anybody else has a response to the allegedly gorgeous plastic surgery addict and then I'll post my next one.

[KillerGremlin]

Dear GameTavern,

Dear Xantar,

I never thought I’d ask anyone or myself this question, but I must, and you seem to be the right person to answer it (Editor’s note: she's talking about the original advice columnist, not you guys at GT). I’m a 57-year-old gorgeous professional blonde woman, with lots of brains and also many plastic surgeries. To begin, I got a beautiful full C cup breast augmentation, later I acquired lovely rounded buttocks implants and at 56 I had a partial facelift that left my face looking as young as I feel, which borders on forty. My students at school think I look in my twenties and everyone thinks I look super sexy and natural. Sure, only my doctors and close relatives know the truth! The problem is after my second divorce, I’ve become timid and insecure about actually having sex with a new man because I don’t know what I would say, if they asked why I had all these surgeries. Now after getting so many added assets to the many natural ones I myself used to have, has made me feel too perfect to be true or artificially beautiful, which might be interpreted as being superficial or insecure. Why is it that becoming the physical person I always wanted to be, without flaws, still leaves me feeling unhappy and scared?? Please, help me understand the problem I’m confronting because somehow finding the solution escapes me.

Dear blonde with low self-esteem,

I would date you for your braaaaaaaaainnnnnnnnnnnnssss!

Love,

Zombie KG.

[Angrist]

Dear granny,

Buy a rocking chair and shut up.

[Xantar]

Ok, sorry I've been busy. The real response to the plastic surgery addict's letter was to get herself to therapy. The advice columnist was too polite to point out that nobody finds plastic women attractive.

Have another one:

Dear GameTavern,

My mother-in-law is driving me crazy. My husband and I just found out that we are pregnant with our second child, and I heard she’s pregnant, too. I cannot conceive of being pregnant at the same time as my mother-in-law! She has this notion that she is “too young” to be a grandma, and I am so angry with her for trying to take my spotlight. She is 44 years old, and it makes me upset that she wants to have children now (after already having three of her own) instead of just being a grandma. What should I do or say when she reveals her big news to us, which will likely happen when we reveal our big news to her?

[magus113]

Originally Posted by Xantar

Ok, sorry I've been busy. The real response to the plastic surgery addict's letter was to get herself to therapy. The advice columnist was too polite to point out that nobody finds plastic women attractive.

Have another one:

If her mother has issues with being old then I dunno what she's gonna think when she starts getting the gray hairs.

Her and her mother need to get the fuck over it. It's not like they can stop them from having the kids.

[Professor S]

My mother-in-law is driving me crazy. My husband and I just found out that we are pregnant with our second child, and I heard she’s pregnant, too. I cannot conceive of being pregnant at the same time as my mother-in-law! She has this notion that she is “too young” to be a grandma, and I am so angry with her for trying to take my spotlight. She is 44 years old, and it makes me upset that she wants to have children now (after already having three of her own) instead of just being a grandma. What should I do or say when she reveals her big news to us, which will likely happen when we reveal our big news to her?

Hmmm... you're having a kid and your mother in-law is 44 and having a kid as well. My advice is to call Jerry Springer and see if you can't hit the white trash TV lottery and get booked. Afterwards, I would be very interested to see if both of your expected children have the same father (I assume incest is involved on some level), and call up Maury to see who the baby daddy is... oh, I'm sorry, poor grammar... who the baby daddy be.

This way we might be able to delay your inevitable drain on the American welfare system and SCHIP programs. But judging from the situation I don't imagine anyone in your family is too good at planning things ahead of time, so in the case you can't get booked... TAKE... THE BITCH... DOWN. She's asking for it.