Attacked by spiders

Teuthida · 07-10-2009, 05:20 PM

Does anyone else here get attacked by spiders? I like having spiders in my room to take care of mosquitoes and other annoyances, but they seem to like to attack me instead. One will be walking around on the ceiling and as soon as I walk under it, it'll pop down on a string of web trying to land on me. Or even if I'm just sitting there one will come down right in front of my face. Startles the bejeezus out of me. Happened again just now. I even have a little container now just for these occasions where I will trap it before it can get back to the ceiling and fling em outside.

So um, spider attacks anyone?

KillerGremlin · 07-10-2009, 09:44 PM

It's funny because I went on a rant about this to BreakABone one night. Unlike you I'm less sympathetic to spiders. They hang out in my bathroom or my bedroom and I maintain that they are the laziest fucking insects on the planet. I have NEVER EVER EVER seen an indoor spider killing a mosquito or doing something productive.

The little mother fuckers like to crawl around when I am my most vulnerable.

Story 1: One night I was using my living room computer which has a big CRT monitor that sits on a desk. It was pitch black in the room except for the monitor. I was playing a game or browsing the web and the spider ran across the monitor scaring the shit out of me. It was a pretty big spider too. So I turned on all the lights to kill the spider. Of course by then the spider had moved BEHIND the big ass CRT so I was trying to reach back there to kill the stupid thing. Then, the spider decided to get behind the desk, so it was wedged between the desk and the wall. Needless to say I spent a good 20 minutes with the lights on waiting for the spider to get into a location where I could squish it.

Story 2: I have a couch and a bed in my room. One night I was masturbating on my couch. Sometimes I'll whack off with just my pants hanging on my legs, sometimes I'll go full nude. This time I was full nude. So I'm sitting on my couch, in the nude, all lotioned up. I had a ton of lotion on my hand and junk, and a big old wad of toilet paper ready to collec teh semenz. Anyway, I look up and yup, there's a big ass spider right above me. I hate spiders but I was all greased up and ready to do my thing so I figured, "eh, fuck it, I'll just finish and then kill the spider." Of course 30 seconds later the spider decides that it wants to descend on my naked body. So it starts stringing a fucking web and coming towards my couch. I guess good thing I had the toilet paper there.

Story 3: During high school I would often wake up at 1 or 2am to take a piss. We have a nightlight in the bathroom so usually I'd just stumble in and do my business. I'm also a guy so I totally do the lean method. The lean method is where you stick out your arm against the wall behind the toilet and you just pee (I usually don't hold my junk when this happens). It's just a groggy, 2am piss. So anyway, I'm taking a leak and I feel something crawl across my foot. I look down and I see this BIG ASS, brown spider running across the floor. I immediately freak out but I can't do anything because I am midstream! So I am comically moving myself away from the spider while keeping the piss aimed in the toilet. So I finish peeing and proceed to turn on the lights. This is a floor spider so my number one fear when squishing it is protecting my bare feat. So I get a wad of tissue and go down to squish the bastard. Of course I miss and it scurries into a corner behind my garbage can. So I lift up the garbage can and go down to squish it. Bullseye! I got it. Except when I lifted up the tissue it was still alive! So it ran towards the bathroom door where the crack is to get out of the bathroom. I proceeded to come down on it with the tissue before it could escape. That was one big ass, nasty spider.

Story 4: Shower spider. This one is pretty self-explanatory. I have a skylight above my shower, and all sorts of insects would chill up there. Shower spider had a habit of descending on his web though. Shower spider was more clever than ceiling spider I killed while masturbating. Shower spider would ascend up its web when you got close to it. This game of cat and mouse must have gone on for a couple of weeks (seriously, how the fuck was shower spider surviving up there)? So for like 4 weeks I took the most paranoid showers ever. Finally, after a couple of weeks I got the stupid thing.

I maintain that spiders exist only to drive me nuts. I don't kill them if I find them outside or in my basement but when they're in my kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, etc. I have no sympathy for them.

This is also why I could never move to Australia or something where they have tarantulas and big ass huntsman spiders. It's bad enough that we get wolf spiders, brown recluses, and the occasional black widow around here.

But seriously, if spiders were so helpful, why do they always hide in the farthest and hardest to reach corner in your house! Arrrgggh!

Teuthida · 07-10-2009, 10:38 PM

Hahah, those are hilarious.

I just get attacked my moths in the shower. It's like they're trying to get themselves killed flying into the water. I really like moths (they're the fuzzy bunnies of the animal world) so I'll lift it out and put it somewhere to dry off. And then the next day it dives in after me yet again.

I recently had an ant problem. I left a single raisin on my floor which resulted in a swarm. I had no choice but to kill the little guys....for weeks. They would not stop coming. I made sure to keep the area devoid of any crumbs so then they started to try to eat me. They'd crawl up my feet and start biting my toes. Perfuming their entrances seems to have finally stopped them.

Combine 017 · 07-10-2009, 11:29 PM

I like my spiders.
Ive got a few big wolf spiders that patrol the floor and ceiling in my room, eating woodbugs, beetles or other insects that crawl around. Theres also a few smaller spiders in my bathroom that eat any mosquitos that fly in. And theres a really poisonous one just outside my basement door that ive been feeding and maintaining its web. I dont know what kind of spider it is but there used to be a much bigger wolf spider in that web so I think it went in there and ate it and claimed its web as its own.

Typhoid · 07-11-2009, 12:53 AM

I hate spiders. They tend to be around my shit when I don't want them to be.
I kill them whenever I see them.
I've so far killed 3 wolf spiders in the past week from my room alone.

I have now unleashed the fury that is my cat Tank upon them.
Lord have mercy.

Edit: After reading "...my cat Tank..." to myself, I suddenly realized that it would be infinitely awesome to have a Cat-Tank.

Teuthida · 07-11-2009, 01:02 AM

Damn, wolf spiders are scary looking things. Can't imagine having those in my house. I just have a lot of yellow sac spiders. After looking for images of them, turns out those bites of mine I wasn't sure the source of...from yellow sac spiders. I shan't be so kind next time I come across one.

Typhoid · 07-11-2009, 02:25 AM

A) Hahahaha.

2) You don't have Wolf Spiders? Fuckers are in everyone's house here. It is said, that every room in your house (at least here) has at least 1.

The more common ones I see are those asshole tiny jumping spiders that look like half-crabs and run super fast.

KillerGremlin · 07-11-2009, 04:02 PM

Cats are awesome and I can't wait to get one for this reason; so they can bat and play with the spiders that get into the living areas in my house.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teuthida

Hahah, those are hilarious.

I just get attacked my moths in the shower. It's like they're trying to get themselves killed flying into the water. I really like moths (they're the fuzzy bunnies of the animal world) so I'll lift it out and put it somewhere to dry off. And then the next day it dives in after me yet again.

I bet you're a Mothra fan (and not talkin' about the Pokemon).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teuthida

I recently had an ant problem. I left a single raisin on my floor which resulted in a swarm. I had no choice but to kill the little guys....for weeks. They would not stop coming. I made sure to keep the area devoid of any crumbs so then they started to try to eat me. They'd crawl up my feet and start biting my toes. Perfuming their entrances seems to have finally stopped them.

We get ants here all the time. This is imo why I think ants are the most efficient and intelligent swarm of insects. You cannot stop ants. If one finds its way into your house more will follow. We caulk up the cracks, set up ant traps, do the spray seal around the house, and we still get ants. Some years have been worse than others but they like to show up in our kitchens and bathrooms. I just wish the stupid spiders would actually eat the ants in my bathroom because then I would ally with the spiders.

We also get tons of silverfish in my bathrooms and bedrooms. Those things are annoying. And we also get these big, awesome centipedes in the basement. I'm pretty sure the centipedes eat other bugs so I'm cool with them, as long as they just hang out in the basement.

The only bug I really kill on site without hesitation, indoors or outdoors, is wasps. We get some nasty wasps around here and they are always aggressive, even if you're just minding your business. I love bees. Bees are very passive creatures. But fuck wasps.

KillerGremlin · 07-11-2009, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Typhoid

2) You don't have Wolf Spiders? Fuckers are in everyone's house here. It is said, that every room in your house (at least here) has at least 1.

What the heck part of crazy Canada do you live in with all the wolf spiders?

I mean we get them around here, more often in the basement or garage, but occasionally the house.

You should take a picture of any big ones you can find.

Dylflon · 07-12-2009, 04:39 PM

There are stupid wolf spiders everywhere here.

They wouldn't freak me out if they weren't so damn fast.

Angrist · 07-12-2009, 05:55 PM

I've never been 'attacked', but I do hate it when they crawl up my sleeves.

Last weekend I caught a wasp. We were sitting in a stadium with 45.000 people when the wasp was crawling on a woman before me. I stuck out my pen, onto which it crawled. For 2 minutes I wondered what to do with it. Killing it was unnecessary, making it angry would be a huge mistake. In the end I caught it in a cut-open plastic bottle.
An hour later I found out he had crawled out of it. I wonder where it went.

Fyacin · 07-14-2009, 04:26 PM

There are alot of big spiders here but they generally hang out in the garden with the legions of grasshoppers. And they get freakin huge. As big as mine hand at least, quite scary. I usually shoot it with an Airsoft of BB gun if I see one.

The Germanator · 07-15-2009, 05:15 PM

My friend used to keep tarantulas around. My biggest fear was that one would escape in his house. I'd be out of there in a second.