Two better than one?

DimHalo · 03-07-2005, 08:38 PM

Well, I have a little problem and I was hoping I could field it on you before I try to talk to my room mate.

Here's the deal:
1. my room mate's ex-boyfriend (who lives 4 hours away) wants her back.
2. she had not really decided what she wanted to do.
3. then he showed up here on saturday morning.
4. so she had sex with him
5. he left at noon
6. room mate had a first date for a formal on saturday night
7. she brought him back here after the formal
8. they had sex (i assume, heard things...)
9. he was still here on sunday morning

This all bothers me. And the first date guy (from out of town) will be coming back here tomorrow. And will be staying here.

What do you guys think? Would you ever do something like that? Should I not be very bothered by all this? What should I say to her?

PS: An interesting twist to the story; the guy is my Godmother's brother

Jonbo298 · 03-07-2005, 08:55 PM

Wow, crazy

The Germanator · 03-07-2005, 09:00 PM

Hmm, that is quite the interesting situation. Can't say I've ever experienced anything of the sort exactly, but no, I don't think I would do what she did. Would I have sex with an ex if she wanted? Probably... Would I have sex with someone on a first date? Doubtful...Would I do those things on the same day? No chance at all really.

You definitely have a right to be bothered by this. I mean, it's her choice, but if you care for her you might want to talk to her about it. I wouldn't know what I would say to her about it though...

DimHalo · 03-07-2005, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Germanator

You definitely have a right to be bothered by this. I mean, it's her choice, but if you care for her you might want to talk to her about it. I wouldn't know what I would say to her about it though...

That is the part that I was wondering about. At first I was just wanting to make sure I wasn't just being a prude. But so what exactly do I say to her to let her know that it concerns me.

ZebraRampage · 03-07-2005, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeepnut's slave

That is the part that I was wondering about. At first I was just wanting to make sure I wasn't just being a prude. But so what exactly do I say to her to let her know that it concerns me.

It won't be easy. If you bring this up to her, she'll possibly get hostile about it, and then you two might get into a fight. I guess I don't have an answer then. All I know is that what she did is wrong in my mind. Maybe you could try to show her the situation from a different perspective. That didn't answer your question yet though.

GameMaster · 03-07-2005, 11:04 PM

It depends on whether you're friends with her at all or not. If you're not close to her, I'd consider telling both guys, since they're the ones being violated/cheated. She's the one who's at fault.

If you're friends with her, I'd ask her if she told both guys that she was seeing another person at the same time. If she didn't, I think you should advice her to tell both guys that she's involved with multiple people. They need to be informed of what kind of relationship they're involved in. If she doesn't tell them, you need to.

CamFu · 03-07-2005, 11:08 PM

Going to keep this short and sweet. It goes along with what GameMaster said...

Know your Bounderies.

You might care for her, but there are endless reasons she is acting this way. Try to find out why before you start talking about how dissapointed you are. I was in this type of situation a long time ago (me being one of the guys). This could really hurt your relationship with her, so becareful.

Ginkasa · 03-08-2005, 08:40 AM

Um, I've never had any sort of similar experience before, so my advice might be worth poo, but here it is...

Does any of your room mate's...activities bother you? I mean, like, bother you in terms of study or getting work done or whatever. If so, you could start from that angle and move towards her being a dirty whore. If you do that carefully enough (while focusing more on how it could damage other people than perhaps how she's doing wrong), then she might be more willing to listen.

If you just straight out tell her you don't approve out fo moral reasons, she'll probably take offense...

/me shrugs and walks away

DimHalo · 03-08-2005, 09:38 AM

well, i've already done the bothering me in terms of studying and stuff. her solution: they'll stay in her room the whole time

Canyarion · 03-08-2005, 11:00 AM

Haha.

Well if it's going to make your life harder, perhaps it's better not to interfere.... but you're absulotely right, it's not normal!

MuGen · 03-08-2005, 11:06 AM

It makes sense if he is her EX and not seeing him, but it's another thing to have sex with him, give him false hope, and go and sleep with someone else and on the first date.

If you are friends with her, and talk to her sometimes then I would leave it alone.
If you guys are good friends and share things with each other I would go up to her and ask her if she knew what she was doing? And if she knew what she was doing would have consequences? Then I'd tell her to stop the insanity or tell both guys that she's playing them. But then again you don't know if she's confused, or playing them.

Ask her if her feelings are genuine or if she's just messing around.

Happydude · 03-08-2005, 08:14 PM

ok...this is my suggestion:

tell her EX to stop trying...it will only hurt him more.

no point in saying anything about the guy from the first date because that was her choice and she will say "my ex didn't count...it was before my date...blah blah blah..."

frankly, i don't see how any of this should concern you...but if you're good friends with her...or any type of friend, tell her boyfriend to stop trying, because it will never work out (do not specify a reason), and also because if he doesn't stop...it might lead to both your room mate and her EX and her "current" to get hurt.

also...how old is your room mate? you said she slept with your godmother's brother...how much older would that make him? if it's like a 10 year age gap...i would definetly talk to her about it.

there isn't much point of taking to her because no matter what you say she will either say it's none of your business, or she will just listen to you and keep doing what she's doing. you talking to her will not make her stop.

but that's just my suggestion...your choice whether to listen to it or not. good luck.

DimHalo · 03-08-2005, 09:18 PM

I feel i should talk to her because we are good friends and she has chosen to confide in me so many times. It is difficult for me to talk to the guys because they don't live here and I don't talk to them outside of when they here at our house.

Happydude: my room mate, my godmother, and I are all 22. The guy is 20.

Thanks for all the advice guys. I'm still not sure exactly what to say or how to say it, but i've got some more confidence in it now. We'll see how things turn out tonight and then maybe i'll approach her.

GameMaster · 03-09-2005, 12:10 AM

So, how'd it go? Did our advice help?

DimHalo · 03-09-2005, 01:24 PM

I haven't talked to her yet. I was sick last night so I didn't talk to her. But the guy didn't show up, so I don't know what the deal is.