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"The Virus", part 2 |
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09-14-2003, 07:49 PM
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#1
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Abra Kadabra
Vampyr is offline
Location: Johto
Now Playing: Xenogears
Posts: 5,594
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"The Virus", part 2
Yay! Its finished! Please enjoy.
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bouncer_agb – horny
happydude666 – deadly
Joeiss – crazy
Crono – mysterious
Dyflon – Compasionate
Random – crafty (crappy)
Vash – accurate
Mechadragon – conniving
GameMaster – Liar
Canyarion – Honest
Zebra Rampage – Yummy
Jeepnut – subterranean
Jonbo298 – Lazy
TheSlyMoogle – Immature
Hero2 – Destructive
The Game – Notorious
Jason1 – Magnifico!
Jewels – Screwball
Dyne – Organist
The Germanator – Gracious
DarkMaster – Ominous
Ginkasa – Superior
Vampyr - Intelligent
The Virus
Chapter 2
“I am EDEN.” She repeated. Her voice tore through Vampyr’s heart. Severing his veins and arteries, his blood seemed to erupt in his body. It fascinated him that such a creature existed. Her voice flowed like wine and had the texture of silk. Still he didn’t touch her. He wanted to with all of his might, but he could not. Her lips parted again, and she spoke more, “I really am sorry, she said.” Her innocent eyes blared in front of his, they seemed to glow and the longer he stared at them, the more enigmatic and beautiful they became. And he knew he wanted to be there. Her eyes erupted with an explosion of light, and Vampyr was no longer in the same plain of existence.
He was still on his knees, his hand still extended, but he was no longer reaching for a goddess, instead he was reaching into the blackness of midnight. He stood up slowly and looked around at his surroundings. He was standing on a suburban street, surrounded by houses with no lights, the windows all shuttered and dank, and he could practically smell the lack of humanity. In the distance he could see the rise of towers and spires that ripped into the sky, piercing the zenith of this artificial world. For it was artificial. He looked up at the sky, and somehow new that it was a black dome, no sun would ever grace this city with light, no moon would ever filter down through the night time sky. He raised his now more slightly pointed nose to the sky, and inhaled through his nostrils. When he exhaled, no air came out. He could smell blood, somewhere in the vicinity of this hell dome was a creature whose heart still beat, whose lungs still pumped out oxygen. Somewhere, there was a creature that still had a soul.
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Each member had an experience similar to Vampyr’s experience with EDEN. Somehow they all ended up in the same alternate dimension.
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Crono woke up at the base of a huge tower than seemed to reach up into the heavens. “Babel…” he whispered. The entire building was constructed of black obsidian, and had windows that were also black. Crono shuddered. There was nothing living here. He took a small step forward, towards the tower. That one single step racked his body with pain. He dropped to his knees, clutching his chest. It felt as though his heart was about to explode. He hastily pulled his shirt off over his head, and looked down at his chest. There, just under the skin, he could make out livid green lines that formed a web around his heart. The infection had found its target, the one beating organ that represented life itself, the heart. His breathing increased, and he tried to scream, but the pain was so unfathomably infuriating that all he could force out was a choked gurgle. He slumped forward, face first into the cold, hard cement. He lay there for a few seconds, breathing heavily. Gradually, the pain subsided, and he rose shakily to his feet. The vibrant green lines that had so recently been visible under his skin had disappeared. Perhaps it had vanished into his soul.
He looked down at his hands. They had once been white flesh, and but now they were as black as the obsidian building. His entire body looked like a shadow of his former self. He formed each hand into a fist, and grinned. He had never felt so alive in his entire span of existence. He was more than alive! Crono felt as though he had just awoken from a deep slumber. He stalked towards the tower, each step bringing with it not pain, but a greater feeling of power. When he was just inches from the building, he ran his now clawed black hand over it. He admired his new reflection. His mouth had melted together at the lips, and his nose had seemed to flatten into his face. He eyes had disappeared, leaving only sunken holes, but he could still see, somehow. He ran his other hand over his face; it felt so smooth, yet so unstable. His skin seemed to be composed of ever shaking molecules that could run and bleed at any given moment. He pressed his hand even harder against the building, and it began to merge with it. His body could now combine essences with other substances, and he was becoming the tower. Within seconds, he had completely fused with it. He could see everything within the dome! He could see his former friends cowering and shaking in the cold. He could see Vampyr, once a normal man and now a creature of the night, similar to himself. Using his new powers, he erupted from the very tip of the tower, and began to dive toward the ground at god speed. His half liquid body trailed behind him like the tail of a comet, and small droplets flew off of him into oblivion. He placed his hands in front of his face and plowed into the ground, merging with it as he did so. He could feel each footstep on the ground, and he could see each person as though he were watching through a million cameras situated just under their feet. Who would be his first victim?
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Jonbo woke up inside of what seemed to be a normal house. The only difference was that there weren’t any lights, and the entire thing seemed to be made of gray stone. The room he happened to be in was about 20ft wide and 20ft long. He started to rise to his feet, and quickly sat back down. He realized that he didn’t feel like standing up. In fact, he didn’t feel like doing anything except sleeping. He managed to drag his body to a corner and propped himself up into a comfortable setting position. He couldn’t tell in the darkness, but it seemed as though his stomach was about twice as large before. Maybe it was the drowsiness affecting him, but he felt extremely fat. He yawned. Perhaps he would consider it later, but right now he just felt like sleeping. He had just begun to sleep, when the door of the house was knocked in. It landed squarely on the floor, and slid across it about 5 feet. Jonbo yawned and looked up to see what was going on. A man of enormous stature stood in the doorway, towering a complete 8 feet tall. In his right hand, he held a gleaming, silver axe. The head of the axe was double headed, with serrated edges. It was attached to a solid looking oak pole about 6 feet in length. The man handled the axe easily with his enormous hands. It was no surprise, though, because the man seemed to be composed of nothing but rippling muscles. Jonbo didn’t have any doubt that the man could rip the house itself off of its foundation. Jonbo squinted through the darkness. “Ginkasa?” he whispered.
The giant just shrugged and took a step closer. He smiled, his mouth revealing three rows of serrated teeth. The man was in fact Ginkasa, and the virus in the ring had granted him a body more superior than any imaginable. He easily hefted the axe into the air over his head, and brought it smashing down onto Jonbo’s head. The axe sank into this skull, and made its way to his brain. After cutting down to his midsection, Ginkasa realized that the axe wasn’t cutting Jonbo at all. It had simply sunk into his now rubbery body. Without warning, Jonbo’s skin snapped back into place, slinging the axe back at Ginkasa, and this time it actually did penetrate the flesh. The two halves of his body fell to the floor, the crimson blood, with vibrant green lines swirling through it, flooded the floor. Jonbo shrugged and rolled over, falling back into his pleasant sleep.
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Miles away, at the very outside fringe of the city, a girl stepped through the cold hard outer dome. She had shoulder length brown hair, and her eyes were more alert than any human’s have ever been.
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Well, that was fun. Im not sure if I like it as good as the first chapter or not. Give me feedback, and possible things to do to make it better. Dont give me crap about it being short, though. Its quality over quantity, always.
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Last edited by Vampyr : 09-14-2003 at 09:05 PM.
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09-14-2003, 07:57 PM
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#2
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Link1130
Ginkasa is offline
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You and I seem to interpret superior differently... I was saying that I am superior in the sense that I am better than everyone... Ever.
That everybody should bow down to my superiorness.
But whatever, I died (the dumbest way imaginable) so...whatever...
...
Anyway, this was good. A few mistakes; punctuation and the like. You might want to spread the paragraphs out more. Make more, shorter ones.
Besides that its fine.
*shrugs and walks away*
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Re: |
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09-14-2003, 07:59 PM
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#3
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Interrogator
Rndm_Perfection is offline
Location: St. Joseph, Michigan
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Re:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ginkasa
You and I seem to interpret superior differently... I was saying that I am superior in the sense that I am better than everyone... Ever.
That everybody should bow down to my superiorness.
But whatever, I died (the dumbest way imaginable) so...whatever...
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Quit yer whining you "fkucnig" pansy. *thanks the Cambridge study* ¦¬Þ
P.S. Excellent, Vampyr. Few characters have been involved thus far, but I suppose that's only natural in such a descriptive piece of work. I await the next installment.
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09-14-2003, 08:21 PM
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#4
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HockeyHockeyHockeyHockey
Dylflon is offline
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Oh boy. That was sweet.
Change my word to compassionate.
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Re: "The Virus", part 2 |
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09-14-2003, 10:22 PM
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#5
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Tavern Legend
Happydude is offline
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Re: "The Virus", part 2
umm...i seem to be having problems finding the first part cause i forgot how it ended, can someone please give me a link, i dont want to read this part until i remember the first one.
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Re: Re: |
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09-14-2003, 10:32 PM
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#6
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1.618
ZebraRampage is offline
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Re: Re:
Quote:
Originally Posted by happydude666
umm...i seem to be having problems finding the first part cause i forgot how it ended, can someone please give me a link, i dont want to read this part until i remember the first one.
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Here's the link to the first part http://www.gametavern.net/forums/sho...6&page=1&pp=15
Also excellent job so far Vampyr.
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Re: Re: Re: |
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09-14-2003, 10:44 PM
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#7
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Full Spectrum Warrior
Ace195 is offline
Location: Council Bluffs, Iowa
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Re: Re: Re:
Great part with jonbo and ginkasa.. Good story all in all..
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Re: Re: Re: |
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09-14-2003, 10:51 PM
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#8
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Tavern Legend
Happydude is offline
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Re: Re: Re:
nice vampyr...but to tell you the truth i liked the first one more...it had a better ending
as for feedback and stuff...you should re-read it like once or twice to find mistakes, cause i found quite a few, dont feel like refering back to them now thouhg, but if you read it you'll see what im talkin bout.
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09-15-2003, 07:08 AM
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#9
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Abra Kadabra
Vampyr is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyDude666
nice vampyr...but to tell you the truth i liked the first one more...it had a better ending
as for feedback and stuff...you should re-read it like once or twice to find mistakes, cause i found quite a few, dont feel like refering back to them now thouhg, but if you read it you'll see what im talkin bout.
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Yes, I agree that the first one was better. This one did have cool action and stuff in it, though.
And about the mistakes, I do what I can. My girlfriend wasnt online when I first finished it, and she's my editor. 
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Nintendo ID: Valabrax
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Re: "The Virus", part 2 |
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09-15-2003, 09:58 AM
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#10
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Freaky me Freaky you
Jonbo298 is offline
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Re: "The Virus", part 2
I see so much hilarious things coming from my character.
Great way for me to kill Ginky :P (no offense Ginkasa  )
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Re: Re: "The Virus", part 2 |
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09-16-2003, 02:12 AM
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#11
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Mr. Sarcasm
jeepnut is offline
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Re: Re: "The Virus", part 2
I am curious however as to what the motive is for people to be killing each other. Other than that, this story is pretty dang good. A lot better than anything I have ever written.
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09-16-2003, 07:07 AM
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#12
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Abra Kadabra
Vampyr is offline
Location: Johto
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Thanks for everyone's feedback.
The 3rd Chapter is in production as we speak. It should be complete in a few days.
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3DS Friend Code: 2707-1776-3011
Nintendo ID: Valabrax
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Re: Re: Re: |
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09-16-2003, 12:14 PM
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#13
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Interrogator
Rndm_Perfection is offline
Location: St. Joseph, Michigan
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Re: Re: Re:
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeepnut
I am curious however as to what the motive is for people to be killing each other. Other than that, this story is pretty dang good. A lot better than anything I have ever written.
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The description of certain people would "encourage" them to lust for blood, I can imagine. Ginkasa, having had a superior body (and yes, Vampyr intentionally had his own "views" of some words [like horny, I believe]) would see the lazy Jonbo's terribly disgusting form and therefor have a great desire to destroy it.
Crono, on the other hand, has been granted a wonderful ability... few would have a chance against him. What would he have to lose if he killed a few of the people he hates?
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09-16-2003, 03:49 PM
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#14
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1.618
ZebraRampage is offline
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I'm curious as to what will be of me, seeing that my word is Yummy.
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Re: "The Virus", part 2 |
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09-16-2003, 03:51 PM
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#15
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Tavern Legend
Happydude is offline
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Re: "The Virus", part 2
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZebraRampage
I'm curious as to what will be of me, seeing that my word is Yummy.
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im guessng you'll be someone's food 
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09-16-2003, 05:14 PM
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Vampyr
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This message has been deleted by Vampyr.
Reason: According to Ginkasa, I shouldnt reveal anything. So I wont :)
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