Battle Royale Part7

[Dylflon]

Talbain and FissionMailed approach Hero2. Fission aims a Desert Eagle at Hero2's face.

"Don't move or you'll be shot." say Talbain.

Hero2 reaches into his pocket quickly and pulls out a gun. Talbain pulls his stun gun out quicker and gets Hero2 in the neck. Hero goes down. Talbain takes the gun out of Hero's hand and puts it in his own pocket. Fission unsheathes his Samurai Sword and decapitates Hero2.

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Darkness is all around Dylflon. Day 2 is starting. Finally he decides to move towards the blip that has been stationary for 12 hours. Getting closer and closer. There's a building in the distance. There's a lot of junk scattered around it. Car parts and broken down machines. It's a warehouse! Dylflon runs towards it and enters through the front. There's lights inside. A voice comes from across the room.

"Hello?"

"Germanator?"

"Yea! Hey, I'm glad you made it, Dyl. What happened to your left arm?"

"Yoda broke it with a sledge hammer."

The Germanator covers his collar with his hand and motions for Dylflon to do the same.

"They're listening to us through microphones in our collars. Cover up so they can't hear us."

"How do you have lights running in here?"

"I've been working on fixing a generator for the last 12 hours. I got it running. I hooked up a computer I found! Hey...what weapon did you get?"

"A tracker."

"GPS?"

"Yea."

"Okay. what we can do is gather some more people. If I can find a hacker we can tap into the systems on the island. And if you get the proper ingredients, we can build a bomb."

"Uh...okay. I guess I'd have to find some more people then."

"Go now. I'm going to look for things to build a bomb with. We're starting a resistance."

Dylflon leaves the warehouse. We sees on the tracker someone by himself and agroup of 3 people.

"Probably a better idea to go for the group."

Dylflon moves towards them. He gets pretty close and decides to call out to them.

"Hello"

A voice responds.

"Who's there?"

"It's Dylflon!"

Dyne, Ginkasa and Crono run to greet him.

Dyne says, "Dylflon, I'm so glad I found you."

Dylflon motions for everyone to cover their collars.

"Come quick. There may be a way to get out of here."

Everyone goes back to the warehouse. The Germanator gets excited. He shows a hacker program to Crono who immediatley begins working.

"So we can escape together?" Dylflon asks.

"When we escape; it'll be together." replies The Germanator.

Dyne, Dylflon, Ginkasa and The Germanator all stand together outside. A shadowy figure emerges from behind Dyne. Dyne gets clubbed in the head and the person who clubbed him grabs the uzi.

He turns the uzi on Dylflon and fires. Dylflon dives to the ground and barely misses getting hit. He then turns the gun on Dyne and shots him in the leg. Dylflon gets up tackles the assailant to the ground. He has no hair. It's that transfer member. While on the ground he fires soem more bullets at Dyne. Dyne gets hit in the stomach and goes down. Dylflon punches him in the face. Crono runs out to see what's happening.

The transfer member shoots at Dylflon who's on top of him. 4 bullets go into Dylflon's stomach. He then fires at Crono who just came outside. Crono takes a shot in the neck and goes down.

The rest of the shots stray from Crono and hit the generator. The generator explodes.

Ginkasa dives at the transfer member with his survival knife and plunges it into his side. The transfer student shotts Ginkasa in the leg twice and shoots The Germanator who was rushing towards him in the arm.

The transfer member aims it right up into Ginkasa's face and pulls the trigger.

*Click Click Click Click Click*

The gun is empty. The transfer member's face drops. Ginkasa brings his knife down on the transfer member's chest.

They check Crono but he's already dead. Dylflon has died too. Dyne lays on his back coughing. His last words are: "When we escape; it'll be together."

The Germanator and Ginkasa leave the warehouse now believing there is no hope for their survival.

[GameMaster]

Good chapter, so much action and thrilling suspence. I was hoping the group would survive together Oh well, good job Ginkasa on defeating the evil villian.

[Vampyr]

This is the best additon so far. Full of action and killing.

Originally Posted by GameMaster

Good chapter, so much action and thrilling suspence. I was hoping the group would survive together Oh well, good job Ginkasa on defeating the evil villian.

Thats what made it so good. You were actually having a feeling of hope they would survive, and then dyflon kills it. Thats a sign of a good writer, who can do that.

[Happydude]

that was great! keep up the good work...lets see what ginkasa has to say about this one though

[Dylflon]

Yes. I'm looking forward to his.......feedback.

[Ginkasa]

Yes, this one is better than the rest. The fight was more than just "*random member* jumps out and attacks *other member*. *other member* resists. *one of the members* dies from some wound."

I was actually curious as to whether or not the group of members would be able to take down the guy. Who would survive and whatnot.

So yes, the battle was a little more exciting, but it still has the same faults the other chapters have had. There were a few details you could have added, some that were unnecessary (the exploding generator just seemed to me to be there so there would be an explosion; works better in movies; if your purpose was to show that the generator couldn't be used anymore, you could have done it better). There were also a few times where I wasn't sure what a pronoun (more specifically "he") was referring to. I'm not sure whether or not it was talking about one of the GT guys or the attacker.

And I personally don't really care what happens to "my" character. Already "I" have shown myself to be unlike the actual me. And its not like I'm controlling what "I" do.

Last note: Feedback is more than just praise. A good writer looks forward to criticism that shows him ways to become better at writing rather than praise that doesn't help you at all.


*shrugs and walks away*

[GameMaster]

This is insane! Our web traffic has climbed 87% and the phone lines are all swamped with people across the nation begging to speak with Dylflon! We've never seen anyhing like this before! Your story is amazing! Three cheers for Dylflon!

[Dylflon]

Yes, this one is better than the rest. The fight was more than just "*random member* jumps out and attacks *other member*. *other member* resists. *one of the members* dies from some wound."

I was actually curious as to whether or not the group of members would be able to take down the guy. Who would survive and whatnot.

So yes, the battle was a little more exciting, but it still has the same faults the other chapters have had. There were a few details you could have added, some that were unnecessary (the exploding generator just seemed to me to be there so there would be an explosion; works better in movies; if your purpose was to show that the generator couldn't be used anymore, you could have done it better). There were also a few times where I wasn't sure what a pronoun (more specifically "he") was referring to. I'm not sure whether or not it was talking about one of the GT guys or the attacker.

And I personally don't really care what happens to "my" character. Already "I" have shown myself to be unlike the actual me. And its not like I'm controlling what "I" do.

Last note: Feedback is more than just praise. A good writer looks forward to criticism that shows him ways to become better at writing rather than praise that doesn't help you at all.


*shrugs and walks away*

And there we have it. No matter what I do. I'm doing it wrong. That makes me feel all warm inside.

You're problem Ginkasa is you're taking this as if it were a serious piece of literature. Which it isn't.

it's something fun. At least some of the other members are enjoying it.

You're being kind of a wad.

*shrugs and walks away*

[Vampyr]

Ill double post on this, but this post has a different subject; to deliver my constructive criticism about this series.

So far things have been great, and Dyflon has been putting out amazing pieces in the short time he is taking to write them. I have noticed varioius spelling and grammatical errors, but not enough to deteriorate the overall quality of the story. If he wasnt trying to put one out everyday, I have no doubt that it would be near perfect. But I dont blame him for this, no one wants to wait that long to read something like this. We want our instant gratification, and Dyflon is successfully giving it to us. So far he has been able to create a certain air of suspense that carries over from each volume to the next. The most recent of which was full of suspense and action, and I enjoyed it quite well. The only thing I would like for him to do differently is more detail. The last fight, the one that involved the transfer member, was described very well, but the first fight was kind of dull and lacked any real detail. Like I said, though, had he had more time to put these things out, this would more than likely be fixed.

Overall, things are going exceptionally well, although I did die an unfair death, and would have slaughtered Rndm if it had been any other way. Lol, just joking on that. Keep up the good work Dyflon, and just remember, the more adjectives, the better. I hope we can expect the last volume in this series to be the best and most action filled one so far.

[Rndm_Perfection]

Hey, we could always act it out!


*takes a spear and gives you body armor*

OK, I'll give you a five second head start... run into the forest, I'll chase you, and we'll see what happens.



Buuut, to be honest, I skimmed through most of this as though it was a news article because I didn't see my name ¦¬Þ.

However, I did see a lot of death, confusion.... and... Crono died. Am I alone in this world?! Heh.

P.S. What's a transfer member?

[Dylflon]

it's the guy who was palying for fun.

[Rndm_Perfection]

Talbain?

[Vampyr]

Originally Posted by Rndm

However, I did see a lot of death, confusion.... and... Crono died. Am I alone in this world?! Heh.

I never even met the people I sent in as friends.

[Rndm_Perfection]

Originally Posted by Vampyr

I never even met the people I sent in as friends.

Allies:
1) Crono
2) DarkMaster
3) CrOnO_LiNk

Enemies:
1) Not Vampyr

Pretty much
¦¬Þ

But 2/3 of my enemies were already killed, as well as 2/3 allies.

[Dylflon]

Originally Posted by Rndm_Perfection

Talbain?

Well...you were supposed to believe that OrangeBoyGamer was but...well...read part 8.