Very good so far, Dyflon.
You are very good at creating suspense, and the fact that I could die at any moment makes it even more supsenseful. I think what your story need is more adjectives. Was happydude666's nose erupting with blood? Adjectives are one of most important things in writing a story.
I consider myself a writer, so this isnt bad criticism. If you like to write a lot, than you know that criticism is the best thing in the world, it can make a story flawless. Also, maybe you should try to write one really good story ever one or two days.
BTW, have you ever read a short story called "The Most Dangerous Game" its a lot like this, and very good.
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