Post your jokes here. - Page 6

Doctor Zhivago · 09-22-2002, 03:41 PM

I don't think that he's perverted at all. He's just a morally bankrupt man (Kinda like me...without the man part, I guess.). And, yeah, he is one of the funniest people alive.

EDIT: Why all this talk about Allen, anyway? This isn't the official Woody Allen thread, you know, it's just a fun thread where we post bad jokes to annoy BLueFire.

Ginkasa · 09-22-2002, 04:07 PM

I've always ordered beverages one simple way: "A Coke, please."

Lately, though, this hasn't seemed to work. Waitresses now often respond, "I'm sorry, we don't have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Mr. Pibb."

Tired of listening to the long list of soft drinks, I thought I'd make life easier. So one day I simply asked the snack bar clerk at a movie theater for a "dark, carbonated beverage."

The young man behind the counter chuckled and asked, "Sir, would you like a cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?"

..... There's a joke... Be happy....

*shrugs and walks away*

Doctor Zhivago · 09-22-2002, 04:16 PM

...was...that...a...joke?

Well, if it makes BLueFire angry, it's fine with me.

BlueFire · 09-22-2002, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FreakyBob
I don't think that he's perverted at all. He's just a morally bankrupt man (Kinda like me...without the man part, I guess.). And, yeah, he is one of the funniest people alive.

EDIT: Why all this talk about Allen, anyway? This isn't the official Woody Allen thread, you know, it's just a fun thread where we post bad jokes to annoy BLueFire.

Die.

Perfect Stu · 09-22-2002, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by The Strangler
Wether or not you like Woody Allen or not as a person, he is pretty much one of the funniest people alive. He may be a pervert, but he is one damn funny pervert.

actually, I don't think he's funny at all.

:|

BreakABone · 09-22-2002, 08:31 PM

A man went to a French restaurant. The menu was in French and
he spoke no French. When the waiter asked his choice, he told
the waiter to bring out the restaurant's specialty.

The man had a truly fantastic meal. The waiter asked if the man
wanted dessert. He responded that the waiter should bring out
the restaurant's specialty.

The waiter said that was the peach poosay, and he would order
it for him. A waitress came out with a covered silver platter.
She took the cover off and there was a peach that had been
quartered and pitted. The waitress proceeded to raise her
skirt and take a piece of the peach and push it in and out
of her vagina. She picked up the rest of the pieces and did
the same.

The man called the waiter over an asked, "Am I actually
expected to eat the peach after that?"

The waiter responded, "Why, no, Monsieur. You eat the poosay."

Doctor Zhivago · 09-23-2002, 03:04 PM

I don't know why, but that last joke actually made me smile

Perhaps I'm getting more and more immature by the second

And please don't kill me, BLueFire. I don't post bad jokes to upset you; Your reactions simply work as a kind of bonus. By the way, Stu, why don't you like Woody Allen? I admit that his newer films aren't very funny, but almost all of the movies that he directed in the 70s and 80s were hilarious.

*shrugs and eats poosay*

Perfect Stu · 09-23-2002, 05:38 PM

different people, different tastes...

George Carlin made me crack up...

GameMaster · 09-23-2002, 10:14 PM

Jim Carrey, now there's a funny man.

The Germanator · 09-23-2002, 10:28 PM

Norm McDonald is a funny ****...

GameMaster · 09-23-2002, 10:37 PM

Incoming bad joke

A man is in line in at bank. All of a sudden, he feels a poke at his back followed by a raspy whisper, "This isn't a stick-up. I'm just a tall man who's just finished watching a half hour of Richard Simmons.

BlueFire, please don't shoot me!

Dun-dun-ding!

I learned that one today

One Winged Angel · 09-23-2002, 10:39 PM

I got one!!!!

Why did Bluefire cross the road?

Because he wanted to get to the gay bar on the other side!!!

Cyrax9 · 09-23-2002, 10:41 PM

I probably have this on here already but here's one:

A little old Guy goes to a Diner for breakfast each morning, one day his "usual" etaery is closed, so he decixdes to trry another which is a Bar by nightnad a Diner by day, he wlaks into the Building pulls up a Bar Stool and looks at the Breakfast Menu. The Bartender/Waiter for the Bar/Resturant says "What'll it be?", the little old man says "I'll have a Dougnut and Coffe" and proceeds to pull out a newspaper. The Barttnerder brings him is Dougnut and Coffe and the old man pays the Resturant owner and gives him a large tip. Just then a Large man in his 20's walks in, the bartender/Resturant owner turns around and shakes his head, the little man does not notice the large mand and thinks he's upset the owner. The large man shouts "YOU'RE IN MY SEAT!", startled the little man turns around and stutters "wha-what do you mean your seat, there are 8 other bar stools in here." The Bartender looks at the little guy and says "Just move", the little man is about to move when the bartender/owner turns arou nd and hears "CRASH! BAM!", the little guy s on the floor out cold, and the big guy says "When HE wakes up, tell him that's Karate from Korea!"

The Next day the little man goes back to the diner and orders the same thing, he pulls out his newspaper, and begins to read, this time being sure to sit on the far left of the Bar area. He's siping his coffe and enjoying his dougnut when the Bartender turns around and ducks as the Large amn enters and walks up to the small amn "YOU'RE IN MYSEAT!" the large man screams. The Little man is now extremly scarfed and replies "But I though that seat in the middle was your seat, I'm confu..." the little man is cut off and the Bartender again hear's "CRASH! BAM!", the bartender gets up and the Large 20-something guy says "WHEN HE WAKES UP, TELL HIM THAT'S JUDO FROM JAPAN!!", the Large man then eats the small mans meal and walks out.

The third day, the small man goes back tothe resturant with one last hope, this time he sits to the far right of the bar, he orders his stader meal and pulls out his newspaper, the Bartender/Resturant owner apologizes for the Lareg Man's acts, the little man shrugs it off and says "It was nothing", and starts siupping his coffee eating his dougnut and minding his own buisness, the Large Man walks in and the bartender ducks down and mutters "not again..", just then the large man walks over to the little old man adn says "YOU'RE IN MY SEAT!!" the little man now fed up with the large young man says "OK, NOW i'M CONFUSED! Yeasterday the seat all the way on the left was yours, the day before it was the middle seat, DO YOU OPWN ALL THE SEAST IN HERE!?!", the bartender/owner shudders and mutters "what is this guy thinking", just then he heard "THUD!", He gets up from hiding behind the bar area and is shcoked to see the little man still standing! The little man says to the bartender "WHEN HE WAKES UP, TELL HIM THAT'S A SLEDGEHAMMER FROM SEARS!!"

----------An thus, justice is served to the large bully--------------------

Here's another one:

There are three men in a mental institution, Mr. Green, Mr. Gray, and Mr. White. They have all been there for several years but the doctor wants to "test" them to see if he can let them out.

He calls Mr. Green in first:

Doctor: Mr. Green you've done amazing here and I think we can let you out but I need to ask you three questiosn before you can leave, will you answer them?

Mr. Green: Yes, of course.

Doctor: On what side of the road do you pass a moving vehical in the USA?

Mr. Green: You pass on the right.

Doctor: Sorry Mr. Green, we can't let you out.

Upset,. Mr. Green leaves te Dotocr's office and the Doctor calls in Mr. Gray.

Doctor: Mr. Gray you've done amazing here and I think we can let you out but I need to ask you three questiosn before you can leave, will you answer them?

Mr. Gray: Absolutely!

Doctor: On what side of the road do you pass a car in the USA?

Mr. Gray: The left side.

Doctor: Good Mr. Gray, next question: what color is an orange?

Mr. Gray: Purple.

Doctor: Sorry Mr. Gray, we can't let you out.

Mr. Gray leaves the office in a depressed state, te doctor is also feelign hopless and calls in Mr. White...

Doctor: Mr. White you've done amazing here and I think we can let you out but I need to ask you three questiosn before you can leave, will you answer them?

Mr. White: Of Course I'll answer them doctor.

Doctor: On what side of the road do you pass a car in the USA?

Mr. White: You pass on the left.

Doctor: Excellent Mr. White! Here's your next question, What color is an orange?

Mr. White: Oh Doctor, that's an easy one, and orange is orange.

Doctor: Excellent Mr. White! Here is your Thurd and final question, what is my job?

The doctor smiles in a happy mood awaiting an answer...

Mr. White: Well Doctor, you're a Doctor, with a PhD.

The Doctor is amazed!

Doctor: Mr. White you are free to go!

As Mr. White leaves the institution, past the doctor's office, a Depressed Mr. Green and Mr. Gray ask him:

Mr. Green: How'd ya do it?

Mr. Gray: Yeah, How'd you get out?

Mr. White looks at Mr. Green and Mr. Gray points to his head next to his ears and says...

Mr. White: I used my Kidney!

Mr. White then leaves the institution.

-----------And thus another dummy joins "normal" society-------------

Angrist · 09-24-2002, 09:03 AM

ehm... Kidney??

Oh wait, now I'll be bashed for not knowing what a Kidney is...

I know that it's an organ, but that's not with a capital K... and the joke doesn't make much sense if it is what I would think it is... or isn't it supposed to make sense??

Shadow_Link · 09-24-2002, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Angrist
ehm... Kidney?? Oh wait, now I'll be bashed for not knowing what a Kidney is...
I know that it's an organ, but that's not with a capital K... and the joke doesn't make much sense if it is what I would think it is... or isn't it supposed to make sense??

Angrist, the guy was just released from a mental institute by answering three simple questions. Yet, when the others asked him how he got out, he pointed to his head and said he used his 'kidney'...