Post your jokes here.

Doctor Zhivago · 09-16-2002, 09:28 PM

If you have a funny story or even a stupid yo' mama joke, post it here. ~Just don't post anything racist or too obscene~

Well, I'll start this off:

In New York City this week, a Virginia couple were arrested for allegedly having sex in St. Patrick's Cathedral. The man and woman were participants in a contest sponsored by radio station WNEW, where couples win prizes for having sex in risky locations. With a station employee on a cell phone giving the play-by-play from the cathedral, WNEW's afternoon shock jocks broadcast a live commentary on the alleged sex act.
A spokesman for the Archdiocese of New York called the incident "disgusting."

Given recent Church news, I don't know if I'd be so quick to judge. When the media can report two consenting, heterosexual adults having sex in a Catholic church, that's not disgusting - that's progress!

I know it's stupid. I didn't come up with it. Maybe you people can think of something better.

GameMaster · 09-16-2002, 09:34 PM

What's gray and has a trunk?

A mouse on vacation! duh duh ding!

Doctor Zhivago · 09-16-2002, 09:38 PM

...Better than mine, I guess. Anyway, here are some goofy state laws that I found:

Alabama: 1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

California: 1. Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

Connecticut: 1. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. 2. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

Florida: 1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. 2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. 3. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. 4. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. 5. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Illinois: 1. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

Iowa: 1. Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.

Kentucky: 1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." 2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.

Louisiana: 1. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. 2. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

Massachusetts: 1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. 2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. 3. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. 4. Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

Nebraska: 1. A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.

New Mexico: 1. Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.

New York: 1. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

North Dakota: 1. Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.

Ohio: 1. Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

Oklahoma: 1. Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. 2. Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state. 3. Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

Pennsylvania: 1. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. 2. No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.

Rhode Island: 1. It is illegal to throw pickle juice at a trolley.

Texas: 1. A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit. 2. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

Vermont: 1. Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night.

Washington: 1. All lollipops are banned. 2. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.

Ginkasa · 09-16-2002, 10:06 PM

A guy walks into a bar. Ow.

........

*shrugs and walks away*

Doctor Zhivago · 09-16-2002, 10:15 PM

Your mother is so fat that smaller woman revolve around her.

*shrugs and walks away*

GameMaster · 09-16-2002, 10:17 PM

Where does the principal send kids that lie? To the library.

*shrugs and walks away*

Doctor Zhivago · 09-16-2002, 10:19 PM

*reads GameMaster's last post* *shrugs and walks away*

GameMaster · 09-16-2002, 10:21 PM

What do you call sleeping machinery? Bull Dozers

*shrugs and walks away*

Doctor Zhivago · 09-16-2002, 10:24 PM

Let's end the *shrugs and walks away* thing now. Okay? Your mother is so fat that she has to put lip stick on with a paint roller. *shrugs and...dances like a banana

*

GameMaster · 09-16-2002, 10:27 PM

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be BAGELS!!!

Jason1 · 09-16-2002, 10:35 PM

oops I just gave my dog a joint yesterday...damn...

Oh well as long as they dont know about it...

09-16-2002, 10:54 PM

Quote:

New York: 1. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

The blinders can be on the annoying side but are actually quite comfy.

GameMaster · 09-16-2002, 11:14 PM

What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?

WA-SAAA-BI??

Happydude · 09-16-2002, 11:47 PM

lol...GM, you are an idiot

lol...are those laws for real?!??! they're pretty stupid..

but funny!!!!!

Xantar · 09-17-2002, 12:03 AM

Here's one that I made up (no, really I did) and have told before on these forums. Based on the reception it got, I figure it's worth trying again.

A man returns to his house one day to find his wife in bed with his best friend. He staggers back in shock and exclaims, "Dear God, George, I'm married to the woman, so I have to. But why are you doing it, too?"

*shrugs and walks away*