Are you going to spank your future children?

[BreakABone]

I won't hit my kids for everything, I mean you have to pick and choose your battles, sometimes it may make more sense to try and reinforcement a more positive behavior than always punishing the negative.

Though, I will spank.

[Professor S]

In the end every law put in practice by any government has always been enforced at the end of a gun. That doesn't mean violence is your only option, or the preferred one. Its simply the final option.

In the end every rule put in practice by any parent has always been enforced at the end of a belt/spanking/punch in the mouth. That doesn't mean violence is your only option, or the preferred one. Its simply the final option.

[Typhoid]

I just smoked a bowl, and I feel like touching on a few things that stuck in my head from this thread.

First off, I don't consider spanking your child "hitting", or "beating" them. Maybe I was spanked differently. It wasn't about the pain, it was about the embarrassment of having your parents smack you in the ass with either a hand, or an object. I'd hardly equate spanking a child to clocking them in the teeth with your fist, or hurling some dinner plates at their heads.

Secondly, I don't believe in time-outs. If you somehow end up raising a shitty kid (parenting skills aside), putting them in the corner of a room won't do shit. It won't teach them that _____ was wrong, it will just piss them off for being in the corner of a room. Time-outs are the stupidest things ever, and were probably created by parents who were legitimately beaten as kids, opposed to spanked.

Third of all, I wouldn't go the route of public humiliation with your child. That's not only rude, but it's cold-hearted and mean - especially to your child. Not to mention it makes everyone else around you feel awkward.

I also wouldn't argue the points with my child. Your child is not your equal, they are your child. You are not to raise them thinking that yelling and arguing are the proper ways of communicating a point. If you live in a household where arguing and yelling is the way to 'win' a discussion, that child will just grow up to be a really annoying and abrasive person who is always loud. If you prefer the verbal approach, try a nice, calm discussion of why what he/she did was wrong. This method assumes that your child is not a complete degenerate, because you have hopefully raised them to respect people at this point.

Now, back to the topic of spanking. It really bugs me when people say "I spanked my kid", and someone else pipes up with "You hit your child?" as if a smack on the bum is on par with whipping a little girl with a belt, or backhanding your son across the face. It even bugs me when people refer to spanking as "hitting". Sure, it's hitting - but you're not hitting your child. If I spank my girlfriend, I'm not beating her. I'm spanking her. Sure, it's a different context, but still.

Now, while I completely am behind (har har) spanking, I don't think it should be the go-to 'punishment'. I was only spanked a handful of times, but it was the thought of being spanked that straightened me out in my times of hyper-annoyance and excessive sleuthing.

With children, the thought is far worse than the act. For most things.

[Angrist]

Originally Posted by Typhoid

I also wouldn't argue the points with my child. Your child is not your equal, they are your child. You are not to raise them thinking that yelling and arguing are the proper ways of communicating a point.

I for one did not mean argue with or yell at your kid. I meant explaining why the behavior is bad. Of course it depends on the age how much you're going to say. If he hits his sister when he's 5, he doens't need a lecture about how it hurts his sister and he doesn't want that... but that speech will probably help when he's 10.

[KillerGremlin]

This thread is full of so much anecdotal evidence that it has actually seeped out of this thread, rode the jet stream a few miles, and what is this? Yes, I do believe one of the thousands of authors who has wrote a book on how to raise children has caught wind of the anecdotal overflow, and yes I do believe he is banging his head on a table. And what is that?!?! He is reaching for his gun? OH MY GOD DON'T KILL YOURSELF YOU HAVE A PHD IN CHILD PSYCHOLOGY AND YEARS OF PARENTING EXPERIENCE AND OH MY GOD HE....oh the horror. We are going to need some bleach.

[KillerGremlin]

Originally Posted by Typhoid

Now, back to the topic of spanking. It really bugs me when people say "I spanked my kid", and someone else pipes up with "You hit your child?" as if a smack on the bum is on par with whipping a little girl with a belt, or backhanding your son across the face. It even bugs me when people refer to spanking as "hitting". Sure, it's hitting - but you're not hitting your child. If I spank my girlfriend, I'm not beating her. I'm spanking her. Sure, it's a different context, but still.

I got the backhand and the belt. Of course if you ask my parents, "we only spanked you!" So it goes both ways, and I see where people are coming from when they react to spanking by asking if you hit your child. But to reiterate what you stated, a square is a rectangle, and spanking is hitting. And parents sometimes do hit their kids, even if it is on the butt. I have seen parents lose it and fly off the handle, unfortunately.

Child protective services sits on the cautionary side too. I know because we call them a lot at my internship over abuse (sexual, physical, and the highly ambiguous verbal). Anything closed-fist or with an object raises an immediate red flag that could be punishable by law (read in super fast commercial voice: may vary by state, your mileage will vary).

I've heard that spanking works best to immediately instill concepts in children. If your kid is about to run into oncoming traffic, you can grab them, and spank them on the butt! "Don't run into the street without looking both ways!" In terms of correcting other problems, evidence might suggest that spanking is less effective if not detrimental to long-term behavior correction when compared to other methods.

[Professor S]

KG, I certainly sympathize with much of your argument on this, and 99% of the time punishment should not involve spanking. But when worse comes to worse, a child can simply refuse to comply with any punishments you lay on them.

Go to your room.

No.

Take a time-out.

No. I'm going to do whatever I want.

You no longer have an allowance.

I'll just take it out of your wallet.

This is why, in the end, all rules are enforced with violence. You just hope it never comes to that point and you should exhaust all other techniques first.

And for the record, I think reasoning with a child works wonderfully. Children inherently do not want to misbehave, but they want to communicate how they feel, but don't have the skills to do so. Help them. Teach them. That's what you're there for.

[Angrist]

Originally Posted by Professor S

And for the record, I think reasoning with a child works wonderfully. Children inherently do not want to misbehave, but they want to communicate how they feel, but don't have the skills to do so. Help them. Teach them. That's what you're there for.

Thanks. For a while I thought I was pretty much all alone on this.