"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"

[Angrist]

It's funny. In the last weeks, I keep discovering that I just need to shut up at times.

Like on the forum of my old World of Warcraft guild. They're all into Warhammer Online. I understand that it's new and nice, but I just know they'll all come crawling back to WoW. Sometimes they post screenshots and I want to say I don't think it's that pretty... but after typing half a post, I decide to keep my mouth shut.

Now I received an e-mail from a girl who's been trouble since the beginning. I offered her some old books for free, for her library.
Among some other nonsense she mailed, she replied: "I already have the first one, but sure, you can give me the other 3 if you want."
Come on! Some enthusiasm would be nice. I guess I won't mail back, because I don't know anything constructive to say.

And now before I decide that this thread isn't nice enough... *pushes Submit New Thread button

[Angrist]

Oh yeah, I forgot one:

A few days ago a friend (more like a little brother, he's 17) got a new hair cut. I hate it, it's absolutely aweful. I can't even believe it's the fashion. It looks like his mother did it for him and totally messed up.

So I don't want to insult him and I don't want to lie. So I act like I don't notice it and I don't say anything.

[manasecret]

I have tried to be a lot more "mean" in my life by being vocally honest. I find being vocally honest is much more healthy and in the end better for all parties.

I try not to be malicious about it, such as trying to force your opinion on someone. It's not about being right, just about being honest to your thoughts and emotions. And, again, I stress being vocally honest, because in many cases you can lie by being silent.

For example, Angrist, your not telling the girl what you really think about her mild response to your (supposedly) generous offer is a lie by silence. A lie slips through when you stay silent.

It's hard to be honest and also not to be a dick. For example, with your friend's hair. It's easy for being honest in that case to turn into being malicious. If you're careful you can say something about his hair and not completely insult him. But things like that, shallow things like how someone looks, where your opinion doesn't really matter in the end, I think it's ok to be silent on. What do you or he really gain by you telling him you think his haircut is absolutely awful? That advice also goes well with significant others.

I am trying to be more honest for sure. But I am usually terrible at it, and tend to stay silent more often than not. But I have made some progress.

[Bube]

The best thing is complete isolation. Don't interact with anybody.

[Angrist]

Originally Posted by manasecret

For example, Angrist, your not telling the girl what you really think about her mild response to your (supposedly) generous offer is a lie by silence. A lie slips through when you stay silent.

It wasn't just that response, the whole e-mail was... bah. I'll ask her if she really wants the books or not, but I'll do it in real life. I've had too much e-misery with her.

And I know my opinion about his hair doesn't matter. But in the meanwhile he does talk about it. If he'll ask me, I guess a "I liked your previous hair better" or a "I'm not really into fashion hair" will have to do.