9/11 Conspiracy Nutballs

[Xantar]

Warning: The leaps of logic I'm about to post may cause brain damage

Originally Posted by Professor S

Believe it or not, its Bush's earnest inablity to act quickly and without clumsiness in the face of emergency that convinces me that all of the conspiracy theories are hogwash.

1) If Bush planned 9/11, why did he look utterly fummoxed for so long after hearing about the attack and why did he continue to read the children's story that was made famous in F911? Wouldn't you think that he would have immediately jumped to action and known exactly what to do?

Keep in mind that I don't believe a word of this, but...

There are several different camps of conspiracy theorists, and it's kind of funny because they all claim to have the truth and dismiss the others as ignorant. It's kind of like religious denominations.

Anyway, not all the 9/11 conspiracy theorists think that the government ordered the terrorist attacks. Some of them think the Israelis did it and blamed the Arabs. Others think it was all faked and staged by Hollywood. And of course, maybe the Bush Administration actually staged it all and safely landed all the airplanes in a top secret location.

And of course, if Bush looked flummoxed upon hearing about 9/11 (note: I actually think that scene is misinterpreted thanks to Michael Moore's trickery, but that's neither here nor there), he could be just putting on an act. See how logical it all is? But wait, it will get worse.

2) Why did he orchestrate this? Oil? It would have been much simpler and cost effective to support the Hussein regime, ot at least continue to tolerate it, in exchange for cheap oil and kickbacks. As we have seen, a war to overthrow a nation "for oil" only serves to gain the opposite effect. Oil is more expensive. We are spending billions in a police action with the hope that Iraq will get its act together and not implode once we leave. Sweetheart deals with Hussein would have achieved the goal of cheap oil with none of the added cost or American bloodshed.

To give us an excuse to invade Iraq and/or Afghanistan or to get more money funneled into the military/industrial complex. Of course, this is assuming the Bush administration was behind this (see above).

3) With Osama Bin Laden and Al Quaeda taking credit for the attacks, along with footage of them waiting to hear news of them, they would have had to be in cahoots with the Bush administration to orgabize 9/11.

Conspiracy theorists claim to have incontrovertible proof that all the Osama tapes are fakes. They base this on certain photographs in which his face appears lighter than his hand in skin color and so on.

4) This also means that since Al Quaeda has been attacking the US for neary 2 decades under several administrations of both poltical parties, the United States is run by a nefarious shadow government.

See above. Also see above theories about the Jews being behind it all etc.

5) Only Chuck Norris can save us now. Yes, Chuck Norris returns!

Too bad he got run over by then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan.

I can't believe I just looked up those lyrics.