The crap I write at 2:30 a.m. (post two hours later when I can't sleep)

[Vampyr]

This one was quite possibly better than the first. lol. Good job.

[Canyarion]

Perhaps 1 thing: "Maybe next time I’ll use ice, he thought amusedly."

How do you know what the sorcerer thinks?? You only tell him once about his thoughts so it doesn't really fit in in my opinion..
Rest is pretty good. Better than the first one.

Did you read my first reply?? Somehow it disappeared but I'm pretty sure I posted it.

[Typhoid]

Originally Posted by Canyarion

Perhaps 1 thing: "Maybe next time I’ll use ice, he thought amusedly."

How do you know what the sorcerer thinks??

maybe because he invented this sorcerer, so he can make him think whatever he wants him to.

[Ginkasa]

Originally Posted by Canyarion

Perhaps 1 thing: "Maybe next time I’ll use ice, he thought amusedly."

How do you know what the sorcerer thinks?? You only tell him once about his thoughts so it doesn't really fit in in my opinion..
Rest is pretty good. Better than the first one.

Did you read my first reply?? Somehow it disappeared but I'm pretty sure I posted it.

The perspective of the story shifts from Jarom to the sorcerer near the end. When it's from the sorcerer's perspective, we can hear anything the sorcerer thinks.

That's also why Jarom is referred to as just "the guard" in those paragraphs rather than "Jarom." The sorcerer doesn't know the guys name.

I know it's not easy to tell the perspective shifts. The forums don't allow indented paragraphs, so each paragraph has to have a space in between for it not to be one giant hunk of text. In my Word document, the paragraphs are indented except for when the perspective shifts. There's a space there.


*shrugs and walks away*