Poetry: Part 2

[The Germanator]

Originally Posted by Typhoid

Someones already probably done this but, here goes. Now i have to let you know that i poured my heart and soul into this....This Poem is entitled

Love Bytes

100010101010100101,
1010101010101010101010100.0101,
00101010001010101101010,
010101010101,
010101,
101010101010101010101,
01000101001011101010011101010,
101010101010000000101010101001010,
11110101000101010101010,
101010,
1000101010101010010100101,
010101010101010101.


Please be gentile when reading that. It means alot to me.

Interesting structure. What made you decide to end all lines with syntactic pauses? It creates a more formal balance, which is one way to go. I question the rhyme scheme though. If you are going with the more formal regularity that I mentioned above, it would be nice to see the rhyme scheme stay more consistent and true. I suppose you may have been mixing in some free verse, which can be done well if used effectively. I'm not sure that you did it perfectly, but I applaud the effort to infuse it.

[Typhoid]

Originally Posted by The Germanator

Interesting structure. What made you decide to end all lines with syntactic pauses? It creates a more formal balance, which is one way to go. I question the rhyme scheme though. If you are going with the more formal regularity that I mentioned above, it would be nice to see the rhyme scheme stay more consistent and true. I suppose you may have been mixing in some free verse, which can be done well if used effectively. I'm not sure that you did it perfectly, but I applaud the effort to infuse it.

I apreciate your constructive critisism, but i like my poem the way it is, its dirty and raw, and straight from the heart.
In all honesty i wrote that song one time at band camp.....but lets not get into that right now.