Ask GameTavern

[Xantar]

So instead of disrupting Typhoid's thread further, I thought I'd try something out. As I've mentioned, I have a hobby of collecting interesting advice column letters, and I'll post some of them here for you to take a crack at (or you can just make fun of them. Some of them deserve it).

I guarantee these letters were really sent to advice columnists although I can't guarantee that they are all for real. And if you've seen some interesting ones, you're invited to post them here.

Let's start with a fairly serious one.

Dear GameTavern,

I am a university student enrolled in a class that meets several hours a week. I recognized another student in the class but couldn't figure out where I knew him from. Recently I asked him, and I really wish I hadn't. His grandmother used to baby-sit us as kids, and for three years, her husband sexually molested me. Legal action was taken, and I thought I was over it. I had one conversation with his grandmother after the events, and it was clear she was in serious denial. Since the grandson's revelation, my stomach has been in knots. However, he has been pleasant toward me, and his response when I asked his identity indicated that he has no idea what his grandfather is guilty of. I'm scared that every time I see him, I will be taken back to that time in my life. He has grown to be a very nice young man, from what I can tell. I just don't know what to do. Should I confront him? Avoid conversations about the past? Avoid him altogether?

[manasecret]

Unless you have suddenly become good friends, which it sounds like that is not the case, just avoid him altogether. The end.

EDIT: Sorry, that's really not much fun of an answer :). I was going to flesh it out, but I don't have the time at the moment. After a few more respond, I'm curious what the advice columnist's answer was.

[TheSlyMoogle]

I would also like to see the advice columnist response too.

Avoid him. Likely a possibility he could have been molested by granddaddy as well, so you might be opening more than your own can of worms.

[Angrist]

I'd say: talk about it. Maybe not with him, but with somebody. You're clearly not really over it yet.

I was gonna say 'you can't keep running from your fears', but if it's only 1 guy, I guess you can...

[Xantar]

The actual advice columnist's response was not to bring the subject up, try to treat the guy as his own person and seek therapy because there are clearly still remaining issues.

So let's see, what else can I use...ah, here's a good one.

Dear GameTavern,

So I hired a P.I., who posed as an erotic masseuse, on my partner. My partner played along over e-mail while never being explicit himself. They arranged to meet, and he showed up at the appointed time. When he returned to his apartment (after all, the masseuse was a ruse), he wrote her an e-mail repudiating some of her sexier suggestions. He is now upset at ME for “violating his trust,” even though he lied several times about his plans with her—and claims he ultimately made the right call. Any advice?

Give it your best shot!

[uber_paddler]

You got what you deserved. Don't play games with people if you're not prepared for the outcome. Smarten the **** up.

[BreakABone]

She is all in the wrong here. Not only that, but after he refused sex, she is upset that he LIED about where he was going.

If lying is her problem, she really shouldn't have set up a P.I to check if he was dishonest. If I were him, I would dump the chick not worth the headache.

[Ginkasa]

She is all in the wrong here. Not only that, but after he refused sex, she is upset that he LIED about where he was going.

If lying is her problem, she really shouldn't have set up a P.I to check if he was dishonest. If I were him, I would dump the chick not worth the headache.

I think it might depend on if she had any reason to distrust him in the first place. If she's just sending a PI after him for nothing, then yeah she's pretty low. But if she had some solid reason to believe he was, had, or would be willing to cheat on her then I think she deserved to know the truth.

[KillerGremlin]

Gotta agree with BaBsie here, he should drop that bitch and she should seek therapy for her own trust issues.

[Xantar]

You guys took that one way too seriously. The best response I saw told her to go hook up with a vampire since she enjoys stalkers so much. I mean really, when you've gotten to the point where you think it's a good idea to hire a PI to attempt to seduce your boyfriend, what's the use in even trying to talk sense?

Anyway, here's one that I thought was pretty interesting.

Dear GameTavern,

From an early age, I suspected that I was gay. I had a few pleasurable experiences with women early on, but I knew that I had to pursue my desires for men at some point. So for the past several years, my sex/love/relationship life has been with men, and I've thought of myself as a gay man.

But more recently (maybe for the past two years), I've found myself yearning to be with women in all sorts of ways—fantasies, crushes, even pictures of women in the media. For a while, I thought that it was just the way society wanted me to feel. But I don't think any amount of social pressure would make me feel like a hetero teenage boy.

So what should I do now? Just start dating women? I would love to! But I'm really worried about how they would react when they learned of my sexual history. I'm healthy and have never been promiscuous. When I'm in a relationship, I don't feel the need to sleep with anyone else. But I know that for a lot of women, the moment they found out that I've had male lovers would be the moment they drop me like a hot potato.

It's all so confusing. I know that nobody wants to hear all about who their partners have slept with. But at some point, I would want to be honest with any woman I was dating.

[Vampyr]

I think most women would find the idea of you being bisexual not a bad thing. ;)

[Angrist]

Date a woman, force yourself to tell her within a month or so. After that it looks like you're being dishonest.

[Professor S]

Be open about it and let her think she "turned" you. You'll bang a lot of tail that way.

[magus113]

It's kind of a tough subject but if he wanted to be with a certain someone really bad and they couldn't deal with it then whatever, not worth the trouble. Move on to the next one and be done with it.

[KillerGremlin]

Be open about it and let her think she "turned" you. You'll bang a lot of tail that way.

:lolz:

Good call, good call.

[Neo]

Dear university student,

Your best way of dealing with the situation would be to take advantage of the grandmother sexually. That way you can exercise a type of revenge against the husband for his misdeeds. This action could be very cathartic.

[Neo]

Dear former gay man,

These days this type of behavior is not at all unexpected. However, it would make sense to move to a more liberal area of the country. Also, be sure you get to know the woman first before you reveal how much cock you may have sucked in the past.

[Neo]

Dear P.I. hirer,

Stop playing head games with your man. You deserve to be cheated on. In fact, I bet you have cheated on him multiple times in the past. You are a filthy, filthy whore.

[manasecret]

Yesss Neo wins. Except for the former gay man. Professor S wins on that.

[KillerGremlin]

Revival plz.

[Xantar]

Sorry. It's been a crazy tax season. So let's see what I've got in my catalog...

Dear GameTavern,

Dear Xantar,

I never thought I’d ask anyone or myself this question, but I must, and you seem to be the right person to answer it (Editor’s note: she's talking about the original advice columnist, not you guys at GT). I’m a 57-year-old gorgeous professional blonde woman, with lots of brains and also many plastic surgeries. To begin, I got a beautiful full C cup breast augmentation, later I acquired lovely rounded buttocks implants and at 56 I had a partial facelift that left my face looking as young as I feel, which borders on forty. My students at school think I look in my twenties and everyone thinks I look super sexy and natural. Sure, only my doctors and close relatives know the truth! The problem is after my second divorce, I’ve become timid and insecure about actually having sex with a new man because I don’t know what I would say, if they asked why I had all these surgeries. Now after getting so many added assets to the many natural ones I myself used to have, has made me feel too perfect to be true or artificially beautiful, which might be interpreted as being superficial or insecure. Why is it that becoming the physical person I always wanted to be, without flaws, still leaves me feeling unhappy and scared?? Please, help me understand the problem I’m confronting because somehow finding the solution escapes me.

By the way, I will join the chorus in fully endorsing Professor S and Neo's responses. Keep it coming and I'll keep it going.

[magus113]

Because the fact that you had these flaws at some point in the past, you probably won't ever get over the fact that you had them or you might feel you still do. The fact that you still needed an operation so recently just proves the point that you will be constantly striving for perfection.

[manasecret]

Dear Fake Gorgeous Professional Blonde Woman,

I hear Diary of a MILF is hiring.


Xantar:

Don't forgot to post the "real" answer to the gay man's question.

[Neo]

Dear Plastic Woman,

Your insecurity most likely stems from the fact that although you are clearly way past your prime, you are disingenuously representing yourself to your consequently one-night stands. Like most men my age, I would probably just "hit it and quit it."

P.S. Plastic is both freaky and disgusting.

[Xantar]

Xantar:

Don't forgot to post the "real" answer to the gay man's question.

Nowhere near as good as Strangler's. The advice columnist merely said, "For every woman who is turned off by the news that you used to be gay, I guarantee that there is a woman who will be intrigued. Be open about your past."

I'll wait to see if anybody else has a response to the allegedly gorgeous plastic surgery addict and then I'll post my next one.

[KillerGremlin]

Dear GameTavern,

Dear Xantar,

I never thought I’d ask anyone or myself this question, but I must, and you seem to be the right person to answer it (Editor’s note: she's talking about the original advice columnist, not you guys at GT). I’m a 57-year-old gorgeous professional blonde woman, with lots of brains and also many plastic surgeries. To begin, I got a beautiful full C cup breast augmentation, later I acquired lovely rounded buttocks implants and at 56 I had a partial facelift that left my face looking as young as I feel, which borders on forty. My students at school think I look in my twenties and everyone thinks I look super sexy and natural. Sure, only my doctors and close relatives know the truth! The problem is after my second divorce, I’ve become timid and insecure about actually having sex with a new man because I don’t know what I would say, if they asked why I had all these surgeries. Now after getting so many added assets to the many natural ones I myself used to have, has made me feel too perfect to be true or artificially beautiful, which might be interpreted as being superficial or insecure. Why is it that becoming the physical person I always wanted to be, without flaws, still leaves me feeling unhappy and scared?? Please, help me understand the problem I’m confronting because somehow finding the solution escapes me.

Dear blonde with low self-esteem,

I would date you for your braaaaaaaaainnnnnnnnnnnnssss!

Love,

Zombie KG.

[Angrist]

Dear granny,

Buy a rocking chair and shut up.

[Xantar]

Ok, sorry I've been busy. The real response to the plastic surgery addict's letter was to get herself to therapy. The advice columnist was too polite to point out that nobody finds plastic women attractive.

Have another one:

Dear GameTavern,

My mother-in-law is driving me crazy. My husband and I just found out that we are pregnant with our second child, and I heard she’s pregnant, too. I cannot conceive of being pregnant at the same time as my mother-in-law! She has this notion that she is “too young” to be a grandma, and I am so angry with her for trying to take my spotlight. She is 44 years old, and it makes me upset that she wants to have children now (after already having three of her own) instead of just being a grandma. What should I do or say when she reveals her big news to us, which will likely happen when we reveal our big news to her?

[magus113]

Ok, sorry I've been busy. The real response to the plastic surgery addict's letter was to get herself to therapy. The advice columnist was too polite to point out that nobody finds plastic women attractive.

Have another one:

If her mother has issues with being old then I dunno what she's gonna think when she starts getting the gray hairs.

Her and her mother need to get the fuck over it. It's not like they can stop them from having the kids.

[Professor S]

My mother-in-law is driving me crazy. My husband and I just found out that we are pregnant with our second child, and I heard she’s pregnant, too. I cannot conceive of being pregnant at the same time as my mother-in-law! She has this notion that she is “too young” to be a grandma, and I am so angry with her for trying to take my spotlight. She is 44 years old, and it makes me upset that she wants to have children now (after already having three of her own) instead of just being a grandma. What should I do or say when she reveals her big news to us, which will likely happen when we reveal our big news to her?

Hmmm... you're having a kid and your mother in-law is 44 and having a kid as well. My advice is to call Jerry Springer and see if you can't hit the white trash TV lottery and get booked. Afterwards, I would be very interested to see if both of your expected children have the same father (I assume incest is involved on some level), and call up Maury to see who the baby daddy is... oh, I'm sorry, poor grammar... who the baby daddy be.

This way we might be able to delay your inevitable drain on the American welfare system and SCHIP programs. But judging from the situation I don't imagine anyone in your family is too good at planning things ahead of time, so in the case you can't get booked... TAKE... THE BITCH... DOWN. She's asking for it.

[Neo]

Dear Preggo,

While it's true that having a baby at 44 is slightly disturbing, that in no way proves she did it just to spite you. Especially since you gave no indication she got pregnant only after hearing about your pregnancy. Maybe she's just a gross and trashy person. And by extension, that means her son (your husband) is probably a piece of trash too. Since trash marries trash, you are the trashiest of them all. You and your mother-in-law would do us all a huge favor if you made up by bonding over your dual abortions. No one needs to pump out one child for every dog they own.

[KillerGremlin]

My mother-in-law is driving me crazy. My husband and I just found out that we are pregnant with our second child, and I heard she’s pregnant, too. I cannot conceive of being pregnant at the same time as my mother-in-law! She has this notion that she is “too young” to be a grandma, and I am so angry with her for trying to take my spotlight. She is 44 years old, and it makes me upset that she wants to have children now (after already having three of her own) instead of just being a grandma. What should I do or say when she reveals her big news to us, which will likely happen when we reveal our big news to her?

This person strikes me as being the type who has kids not because she wants a family, but because she likes the attention and likes to be in the spotlight, and she also probably thinks it is expected of her to make babies. Since I'm answering an editorial and not counseling this person, I would say I feel sorry for her egotistical, empty life. My serious response would be to go get therapy or get a job or find something worth living for, but Xantar is good at posting the responses....sssoooooooo I'll echo the theme in this thread...which is get a spot booked on Springer, and duke it out with your mother-in-law in a fist-fighting brawl that will result in clothes being torn off, and large guts flopping around. And perhaps we can throw in a midget for good measure too.

[Xantar]

So the actual response was basically "get over yourself" and "babies aren't for show. They are life." However, this particular advice column had a comments section, and my favorite response to the mother was, "Since your mother has obviously done this to spite you, there's clearly no point in having a baby any more. Just abort it and move on."

Neo is mean... :ohreilly:

New letter!

Dear GameTavern,

I am an avid gamer, with my major form of recreation and relaxation being playing online role-playing games. My husband prefers TV. Our "unwind" time is spent doing our respective favorite things, and we also have "together" time that may be spent talking, touching, or doing any of the other things married people might find to do.

Inside the game, I have lots of friends. Occasionally the role-playing can turn frankly erotic. I enjoy this, and it tends to stoke the fires. When the computer is shut down, my spouse gets the benefit of the activity in bed.

I have no emotional connection with any of the online players. My spouse is getting all the physical action. But I worry ... am I cheating?

[BreakABone]

I don't think its necessarily cheating unless you are forming a relationship with the same partner over and over again.

But honestly, as long as it remains playful words and nothing else, I don't see the problem.

Though odd role reversal.

[magus113]

Does the husband know would be the thing I'd be worried about. Some people find that interesting, but as long as it doesn't bleed into the marital life I guess it's okay?

It's kinda different when you get into a relationship or mess around with someone that isn't physically there.

[Angrist]

Dear girl-nerd,

Should you be asking GameTavern or your husband? The fact that you didn't tell him, probably means you have something to hide.
There are many cases of (sometimes married) people meeting other players in real life. This shows that the virtual nature of the flirting is no guaranteed protection. Would you want to risk the relation with your husband for some quick flirts on your computer?
My advice is to either stop flirting, or talk about it with the man. And discover the joy it can give to share a hobby.

Love,
GameTavern's Angrist.

[Professor S]

No, you are not cheating. In fact, an active fantasy life is very important in any long term relationship. By the way, my WoW avatar's name is Grimaldi. Look me up sometime...

[The Germanator]

Yeah, I don't have a problem with that. If you're fantasizing about giving some online Orc a BJ while literally giving your husband a BJ, I feel like there's no downside there.

[Neo]

Dear GameTavern,

I am an avid gamer, with my major form of recreation and relaxation being playing online role-playing games. My husband prefers TV. Our "unwind" time is spent doing our respective favorite things, and we also have "together" time that may be spent talking, touching, or doing any of the other things married people might find to do.

Inside the game, I have lots of friends. Occasionally the role-playing can turn frankly erotic. I enjoy this, and it tends to stoke the fires. When the computer is shut down, my spouse gets the benefit of the activity in bed.

I have no emotional connection with any of the online players. My spouse is getting all the physical action. But I worry ... am I cheating?

Edit: I just realized I have your sexes reversed. No matter, you are still a freak.

Dear Cyber Whore,

You are lying to yourself if you think you have no emotional connection to the avatars you digitally fornicate with. Kittyclaw3812 may have an enticing, voluptuous and well-proportioned bosom, by there is a real person behind those pornographic pixels which have been getting your e-juices flowing. Plus, he is probably a 40-year old named Fred and is sitting in a windowless room in his boxers while wearing dark socks.

How would you feel if your wife could only become aroused by going online and finger popping herself to images of a bare-chested night elf doing the macarena? One being controlled by a 15-year old boy with severe acne?

Also, he is drooling.

So yes, you are cheating. The very fact that you feel guilty should have clued you into this. Though, I can understand if the eye strain induced from playing games on your semen-encrusted monitor has addled your already worthless brain.

You need to talk to your wife about this ASAP. Hey you never know, she might be into it. And if so, then more power to you. But until that time, try to maintain mastery over your domain before your seemingly innocent rendezvouses in Shadowmoon Valley spiral out of control and you end up spending your virtual gold on a virtual ring for your virtual wedding, while other loser paladins cast consecrate while jerking off to a Victoria's Secret catalog.


Freak.