So ya, found this thread on the canucks forum. Funny enough.
Leaf's Joke:
Three hockey fans were on their way to a game in Montreal when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female, drunk and passed out. Out of respect and propriety, the Ottawa fan took off his Senators cap and placed it over her right breast. The New Jersey fan took off his Devils cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Toronto fan took off his Leafs cap and placed it over her crotch. 911 were called and, when the fire officer arrived, he conducted his assessment. First, he lifted up the Ottawa Senators cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Montreal Canadiens cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Toronto Maple Leaf cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Ottawa fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What's the deal, are all firefighters perverts or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?" "Well," said the firefighter, "I'm simply surprised. Normally, when I look under a Leafs cap , I find an a-hole."
Canucks joke:
It is game 7 of the Stanely cup playoffs in Vancouver and the series is at 3-3. The game is a sold out show. Every seat in the building is full except for one seat beside a man in the third row. Out of curiosity the woman on the other side asks the man who that seat belongs to. He replies, "Well you see m'am, that seat belonged to my dear wife. Her and I were Canuck fans our whole lives. We had seasons tickets this year but sadly last week she was killed in a car crash and so she couldn't be here with me tonight." The woman thought to herself how sad that was and asked him, "I'm so sorry that she passed away, but couldn't you find a friend or relative to come to such an important game with you?" "No", he replied, "They are all at the funeral."
this one isn't really hockey related...well canada/hockey.
HALF A HEAD
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked
to buy half a heaf of lettuce. The boy working in that department told
him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that they boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some a-hole
wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he
turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added "And this
gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you
got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on
their feet here. Where are you from son?"
"Canada, sir" the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.
The boy said "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up
there."
"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada."
The boy replied, "No kidding??? Who did she play for?"
Two guys from Ottawa die and wake up in hell. The devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks, "Isn't it hot enough for you?" They reply, "'Well, we're from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit eh". The devil decides they aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat. The next morning, there they are, still in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks again, "It's awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel it?" Again they reply, "Well, like we told ya, we're from Canada, land of ice and snow, and we're just happy for a chance to warm up a little, eh." This gets the devil steamed up. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. People are wailing and screaming. He finds the two Canadians in light jackets, grilling sausages and drinking beer. The devil is astonished. "Everyone down here is in misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves." The two Canadians reply, "We don't get much warm weather in Ottawa. We've just got to have a cook-out when the weather is THIS nice." The devil is furious, and decides to turn all the heat off in hell. The next morning, icicles are everywhere, people are unable to do anything but wail, moan and gnash their teeth. The devil smiles. He finds the two Canadians back in their parkas, toques and mittens. But now they are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men! The Devil is dumbfounded. "When I turn up the heat you're happy. Now it's freezing and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?" The two guys from Ottawa look at the devil in surprise, "Don't you know? If Hell freezes over, it must mean the Sens have won the Stanley Cup!"
edit:
Found a song that some dude made on his own time.
Funny but Kariya rocks.
Lovers Reunited
TEEMU –
I was a fool to ever leave your side
Still got no ring and Jose's on the slide
The breakup we had has left me Cupless and sad
Now Colorado's buyin', and I want it bad, hey, hey
PAUL –
I spent the summer with Pierre Lacroix
I signed the contract, then was told of Roy
The fans in this hive are the most clueless alive
But I know I'll fit in well here 'cause I love to dive, hey, hey
CHORUS: BOTH
Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited 'cause we understood
There's one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited 'cause we're reunited, hey, hey
Re: NHL stuff.
We still haven't lost at home this year too, and that is always a fantastic adavantage. Esche and Hackett have been playing pretty well, but it still concerns me that they don't have a standout goalie.
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