A few jokes I found funny

[BreakABone]

Well here are some dumb jokes, but eh

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came
home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was
jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up
and down with her.

When she said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up
and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!

He was ecstatic! They had been trying for awhile. He kissed her and told
her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'more'?"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have
TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked
her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought
the twin pack home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!"

-------______------_____

GIRL'S DIARY

FRIDAY 21st June 2002.

Saw John in the evening and he was acting really strangely.
I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit
late
so I thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so
I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued
and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed,
and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I
was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back
home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated, but
followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he
just half
shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of
silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him
and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad
sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was
surprised when
we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold,
and started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had
found someone else.

I cried myself to sleep.


BOY'S DIARY

FRIDAY 21st June 2002.

England lost to Brazil 2-1. Got a shag though.

[Canyarion]

Is that Gimpy??? :eek:

[Canyarion]

Probably posted before, but I found it again:

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.

As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.

The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, "You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman."