The sentences are far too short and simple. I felt like I was reading "See Spot Run." There were also a few sentences that could really have been better if they weren't wirrten like they were...
Example: The driver puts on a gas mask and the soldiers put on gas masks as well.
This would be much better as something like: The driver and the soldiers grab gas masks off of there belts and put them on.
Something like that. I also think that the soldiers would probably have already had their masks on.
There are other things but I'll leave that to the other members. My general advice: spend more time writing it. Don't just spend 40 minutes to write it, and the just post it. Re-read it. Edit it. Get someone else, family or friends, to read it and edit it.
Spend more time on it. Don't try to rush it.
*shrugs and walks away*
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