Alright, so there's a Canadian TV Show called Corner Gas holding an online stand up comedy contest. I've decided to try my hand at it, as the prizes are nice and nobody on the site is funny. Now, before I submit, I have to make sure that I'm funny. Tell me which jokes work, which don't, and any tweaks or add-on jokes you'd make to the following to really boost it up. It'd be much appreciated.
Website for contest is
http://www.cornergas.ca/comicgenius
Contest ends sunday, so I gotta hurry my ass up. I need two minutes of solid material...
SET SO FAR:
I have a friend who's a mime.
He's going through relationship troubles.
But he doesn't want to talk about it.
My older brother always says I was adopted. So I just say "Shut up... Pablo".
I have asthma, which sucks, because I always wanted to be a trombone player
I just celebrated my 19th birthday. As a present to myself I decided to spend $40 and see some naked ladies. Turns out it was just some middle aged guys playing music.
I kept trying to tell my dad I had laryngitis; he kept telling me to speak up.
I hate when people say "it's freezing out here"
Usually what I do is grab a glass of water, and start pouring it out.
once it splashes on the ground and retains it's liquid form,
I say "I guess not!"
Before I die, I want to be a knight, like so many acclaimed musicians.
Like Sir Paul McCartney
Sir Elton John, or [Pause]
Sir Mixalot.
I love when people write me angry emails. It's like they're saying "I'm mad, but not mad enough to pick up the telephone."
Do atheists make snow angels?
Lastly, I think everyone misinterpreted that rap song by NWA.
When they said "Eff the Police", they weren't mad at the cops.
They just really don't appreciate Sting's music.
Help Darren create a stand up comedy set!
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