How to Get What You Want at Christmas

[Neo]

Neo presents GameTavern's "How to Get What You Want at Christmas" guide. First of all, you should make a list of everything you want or would like to have. For many of us this includes expensive items such as, for example, video games. Be sure to include for which system you want the game, since many of today's hottest titles have versions for more than one console. Gift selection is just as important as you delegate to obtain said gift. Allocate the more expensive games or items to relatives which either have the most money or are the most generous. In order to encourage relatives to buy more expensive items for you in the future, it might be worth it to you to invest in more expensive gifts for them this year. That way they will be guilt-tripped into buying you similar quality items next year, just in time for XBox 2.

As distasteful as it may seem you can actually benefit from spending pre-Christmas time with that grandmother or grandfather you hate. Casually mention that you want to go to Best Buy to "just look around." Once there point out a game you want and imply how complete your life would be if you were to own it. Often times grandparents are so desperate for the affection of their grandchildren that they will buy it for you right on the spot, claiming it is your Christmas present. Now this works best 2-3 weeks before Christmas, because when Christmas finally does roll around, they'll feel bad you don't have anything to open from them on Christmas day so they will be compelled to buy you something additional.

Of course despite our best efforts there are times when we are given crappy bargain-basement titles that should have been buried with E.T.. Be sure to obtain the receipt for such games so that you may return them for something which is halfway worth playing.

If a grandparent tells you that video games are a waste of time, ask them what they've done with their own lives that's so special. This will usually shut them up. You can always talk about the coordination improvements and other beneficial effects, but logic is often lost on these fossils.

If all else fails, encourage your grandparents to come out of retirement, claiming it will be good for them. There are many cafeterias in need of senior citizens. And this way they will stop drawing social security which will increase your inheritence. You can buy your own damn games with the money.

In this Holiday season don't forget the true meaning of Christmas: Supporting the American economy.

America, f#ck yeah.