Post your jokes here. - Page 8

fingersman · 09-25-2002, 04:53 PM

Here's one...I don't know if you heard it already but here it goes.....

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his

subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive

their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he ranted

and raved for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This

time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still dissatisfied,

he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all

thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady

in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, why are you not willing to forgive your

enemies?" "I don't have any "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old

are you?" "Ninety-three." "Mrs.Jones, please come down in front and

tell the congregation how a person live to be ninety-three, and not

have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered

down the aisle, very slowly turned around and

said: "It's easy ... I just outlived the bitches."

Ginkasa · 09-25-2002, 07:52 PM

That was pretty funny IMO

*chuckles and walks away*

GameMaster · 09-25-2002, 11:16 PM

good one fingersman

Dragon-Fly · 09-29-2002, 12:48 PM

Man that was one funny joke, Fingersman.

Great joke.

*Still laughing*

Lord Germano · 09-30-2002, 10:19 PM

Back to the height thingy.

Whats the height of conceit?

Shouting out your own name during an orgasm.

GameMaster · 10-01-2002, 12:45 AM

A Variation by GameMaster

What's the height of self-centerness?

Groaning your own name during the climax!

Lord Germano · 10-01-2002, 02:07 AM

lol, very well, variated.

And now for a long joke from me.

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed
gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely.
Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a
baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun. "Okay, here's what we
do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with
this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little
dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated." "Great," says
the man. "But what's the gun for?" "In case I fall down instead of the
gorilla shoot the dog."

Hey, hows about another one?

> > > A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a
> week.
> > > When he came back, he called his brother to see when he could pick the
> cat
> > > up. The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry, but while you
were
> > > away, the cat died."
> > >
> > > The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have broken
the
> > news
> > > to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he
was
> on
> > > the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you
> > could
> > > have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching
him
> > up.
> > > Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed
> away."
> > > The brother thought about it and apologized.
> > > "So how's Mom?" asked the man.
> > > "She's on the roof and won't come down."

Thats enough from me (for now).

Angrist · 10-01-2002, 08:32 AM

Those 2 were good!

Lord Germano · 10-03-2002, 12:35 AM

what, no more jokes?

GameMaster · 10-03-2002, 01:39 AM

What do you call throw up with saw dust in it?

Wood Chucks!

Lord Germano · 10-03-2002, 02:37 AM

What mountain sleeps the most?

Mount Ever-rest!

well, that my bad joke for today.

A blonde calls up her best friend (a brunette) one day because she is very upset.

"I can't get this jigsaw puzzle put together, and I've been trying for weeks," she cries. "Could you please come over and help me before I go crazy?"

"What kind of puzzle is it?" asks the brunette.

The blonde says, "Well, there is a rooster on the box, but there are so many pieces, and it's so confusing. I just don't know where to start!"

Her friend is the compassionate sort and says, "I'll be right over." So off to the blonde's house she goes.

When she gets there, she takes one look at the table and turns to her friend and says . . . . . .

"Put the Corn Flakes back in the box."

Doctor Zhivago · 10-06-2002, 02:15 AM

BLueFire's been a little too happy lately, so I think I'll bring this thread back. A few bad jokes should certainly ruin his mood. Anyways, here it goes.

A ninety-year old man is sitting on a park bench sobbing when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong.

Through his tears, the old man answers "I'm in love with a twenty-five year-old woman." "What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.

Between the sobs and sniffles, he answers "You can't understand. Every morning before she goes to work we make love...At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love." He breaks down, no longer able to speak.

The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"

The old man answers again through his tears "I forgot where I live."

fingersman · 10-13-2002, 01:11 AM

Well I just found this joke and I think I'll share it with you guys...and I didn't want to start a new joke thread so I'll just post it here.

-----------------

Just a wee story about loyalty in marriage...

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.When I got fired, you were there to support me.When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

" I think you're bad luck, get the hell away from me ."

Ouch now that's cold.

Xantar · 10-13-2002, 02:41 PM

Ok, you want a really bad joke that'll provoke enough groans to register on the Richter scale?

Q: Dude, what nickname do you give a guy who can type really fast?

A: Fingers, man.

Crono · 10-13-2002, 05:54 PM

lol fingersman, that one was awesome