Dating women with children.

TheGame · 12-15-2009, 12:07 PM

I know this forum is primarily male, and I was wondering what do you guys think about dating women who already have kids? Have any of you done this before? If so, how did it turn out?

I'm asking since I seem to be headed into this situation. Met a really nice, independent, and attractive girl who already has a 2 year old son..

Acebot44 · 12-15-2009, 12:48 PM

I've yet to experience that scenario, but don't see a reason why I would have a problem if the woman was the ideal match for me. It wouldn't bother me personally that she had a child, but the only thing I guess that would make me a bit unnerved is the impact the relationship may actually have on the child.

-Would you see yourself as being a positive male role model for the boy?
-This woman is independent, but does she desire to find a solid male for her son to look up to via dating and possibly committing long term with?
-Are there other adult males in this boys life that have already taken that role, making this more about the relationship between you and her?

Like I said, I've never personally dated a woman with a child, but many of my friends grew up in a single mother led household and had the experience of being that child, so thats probably why that perspective is the first one that came to mind. They turned out just fine, despite their mothers having dated a lot of dirtbags, but they all had very solid male role models despite that, such as a grandparent, uncle, or really good neighbor.

TheGame · 12-15-2009, 01:24 PM

If she didn't have a kid, I wouldn't second guess myself at all. She's my type on almost every level and she's extremely easy to talk to. Our first date was the least akward first date I had ever been on.

I don't think she needs a father figure for the child, since the dad is still very much in the child's life. He takes him every Wednesday through Friday.

I guess I'm just worried about dealing with someone who has baggage, and don't know what to expect when I comfront it. And I don't want to be an ass and meet her kid and baby's dad, then realize I don't want to deal with it and dump her shortly after that. I'm wondering if I should just run now. lol

manasecret · 12-15-2009, 06:21 PM

I had a nice fling with a girl who had a young girl. It pretty much ended as soon as it begin. Single parents enjoy and need flings as much as the rest of us, so no need to feel guilty if it doesn't work out.

But if after awhile it feels like the relationship could last, then you and her need to discuss your expectations and hers on how you will be involved with the child.

And if your feelings change and you feel like you don't want to deal with that anymore, then that's fine. Just tell her that honestly and as soon as you know your feelings have changed.

Jason1 · 12-15-2009, 08:23 PM

NEVER

Typhoid · 12-15-2009, 08:29 PM

I see nothing wrong with it.
As long as she's not under any illusions that you'll be an immediate father replacement.

Just don't patronize her for having kids, and don't be awkward around the kid.

If you feel generally uncomfortable in the situation, then pull the chute now and save everyone some time. But if you like the girl, and you're good with kids and don't mind it, then by all means go for it.

KillerGremlin · 12-16-2009, 02:38 AM

The older you get, the less crazy women with kids are gonna be. For me (21), I wouldn't date someone with kids...too crazy. I mean a 2 year old at age 21 means that person was making babies at age 19. No one should be crapping out kids at 19...which leaves accident in the equation, and in my experience a lot of women opt for adoption or the other shush A-word when they have an Oops. At your age though (26?) she might have all her marbles together and just had a bad experience with an ex, or wanted a kid and then didn't or had an Oops and went with your religiously aligned route of birthing.

I'd say if you're hitting it off and you see a future with this girl then go for it. If not then have your fun and get out of there pronto. There's no pressure but if you decide to date for a while you may become a father figure, and that is baggage...do you want to deal with that? Daddy?

TheSlyMoogle · 12-16-2009, 02:44 AM

On the bright side of things if you're good with kids you'll always get bonus points from her if the kid likes you. Also free in to her pants.

Bond · 12-16-2009, 03:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheGame

I know this forum is primarily male, and I was wondering what do you guys think about dating women who already have kids? Have any of you done this before? If so, how did it turn out?

I'm asking since I seem to be headed into this situation. Met a really nice, independent, and attractive girl who already has a 2 year old son..

It's funny you ask this... I had been flirting with a girl in one of my classes for quite some time this semester, until I learned she had a two-year-old. Now, this was a complete deal breaker for me, but I'm 21. The last thing on my mind is babies. That being said, she was a very nice girl, and I'm sure she would make a wonderful girlfriend for someone else.

I think it's perfectly fine to date a woman with kids, in fact, it's needed for those children to have father figures. But, I think you need to understand that you would not be dating just her, but her and her child. There's more responsibility and obligation.

Angrist · 12-16-2009, 09:30 AM

Jerry Maguire.

Dylflon · 12-16-2009, 03:50 PM

I agree with everything Typhoid said.

TheGame · 12-17-2009, 02:59 AM

Thanks for the advice guys. I think I'll give her a chance, but I think I'll stay pretty closed on the "getting in her pants" side of things for now. I'll just scope things out first and see how comfortable things are.

jeepnut · 12-20-2009, 09:47 PM

"I love pregnant chicks cause you know they put out."

Can't remember who said it or if I got the quote right.