Carlin Quote

Kitana85 · 09-29-2003, 10:02 PM

"religion has actually convinced people that there is an invisible man living in the sky, and he has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these things he will send you to a place full of fire, and smoke, and burn and torture forever and ever 'till the end of time.... but he loves you. And he needs money."
~George Carlin

Stonecutter · 09-29-2003, 10:12 PM

+ rep for quoting carlin.

Hero2 · 09-29-2003, 10:40 PM

you show me a tropical fruit and ill show you a ****sucker from guatamala ~George Carlin

I live by that quote...but not really... carlin is god

Mechadragon · 09-29-2003, 10:50 PM

"I've never ****ed a ten. But one night, I ****ed five two's."

Stonecutter · 09-30-2003, 12:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mechadragon

"I've never ****ed a ten. But one night, I ****ed five two's."

Another great one.

+rep

"The fighting Irish" how long do you think a nickname like "the Bargaining Jews" or "The murdering Italians" would last? Only the ironic Irish could be so naively honest. I get the feeling that Notre Dame came real close to naming itself "The ****in' drunken, Thick-skulled, Brawling, Short-dicked Irish."

GameMaster · 09-30-2003, 12:46 AM

"What do I like, a f*cking bowl of applesauce?" - George Carlin

Ace195 · 09-30-2003, 09:16 AM

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
George Carlin

And here is a question from Carlin
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

The Duggler · 09-30-2003, 10:08 AM

"When it come to fooling people, religion takes the cake. Government and businesses stand in awe of the massive power of religion. Now, let me tell you why. Religion has people fooled that there is a man. Now this man, he lives in the sky, and nobody can see him, but he can see everything you do. In fact, he watches you to make sure you don't do 1 of the 10 really bad things. And if you do any of those things, then he's made a place for you. It's full of fire, burning, torture, rape, pain, anguish, and punishment, and you will go there forever if you break the rules.

.....But he loves you, and he needs your money."
-George Carlin

Ace195 · 09-30-2003, 10:14 AM

Some of George Carlins Quotes that Make "sense"..

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? ( I agree with this one if the black box in never hurt why don't we make the plane out of it)
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Ok... thats about enough of that

Kitana85 · 09-30-2003, 10:49 AM

I ha"There are a couple of terms being overused by guilty white liberals these days. The first one is 'happens to be'. 'I have a friend, who happens to be black', as if it were an accident or something. He had two black parents? 'Oh, yes he did, yes he did.' And they reproduced? 'Indeed they did'. Yesss, so where does the surprise come in? I would think it would be more unusual if he just happened to be Scandanavian. The other term is 'openly'. 'He's openly gay'. Homosexuals are the only minority they use this with. You wouldn't say 'He's openly black'.... well, with the exception of James Brown. Or Louis Farrakhan, Louis Farrakhan is openly black. Colin Powell is openly white. He just happens to be black..."

GameKinG · 09-30-2003, 09:00 PM

could that be more wrong? God obviously needs no money, only churches that need money in order to support themselves. And if you break a commandment, you can still save yourself. And God isnt really invisable.

Bond · 09-30-2003, 09:02 PM

Yeah, those quotes are basically mass generalizations that aren't really historically or factually correct, but still semi-funny nonetheless.

Mechadragon · 09-30-2003, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GameKinG

could that be more wrong? God obviously needs no money, only churches that need money in order to support themselves. And if you break a commandment, you can still save yourself. And God isnt really invisable.

Hah, you remind me of my grandma. We were watching one of his specials on HBO and she stood up and said "That's Blasphemy!!!". I tried to explain to her that she shouldn't take him seriously but she's so religious(and ignorant), that she stomped out of the room.

And just so it doesn't turn into a huge misunderstanding, I didn't call religious people ignorant.

Stonecutter · 10-01-2003, 12:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bond

Yeah, those quotes are basically mass generalizations that aren't really historically or factually correct, but still semi-funny nonetheless.

When delivered by carlin, they're no longer "semi-funny" but actually hi-****ing-larious.

Kitana85 · 10-01-2003, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GameKinG

could that be more wrong? God obviously needs no money, only churches that need money in order to support themselves. And if you break a commandment, you can still save yourself. And God isnt really invisable.

Hon, of COURSE it couldn't be more wrong.

That's part of what makes it so funny, that, the deliverary, and the absolute irony of everything he says is simply delicious.