Emotional Baggage/Dealing with it

TheSlyMoogle · 08-29-2011, 05:08 AM

So... Where to begin.

Ok so tonight was watching a normal episode of Law and Order SVU, which has become a nightly thing with my roommates and I.

It was an episode about a gay man they found murdered on the sidewalk.

Brief summary:

Quote:

A gay man who had a brief stint in a Fundamentalist Christian-sponsored sexual re-education course is found murdered, and suspects range from the conversion program itself, a bigoted church group who kept sending him threatening letters, a group of psychologists studying the nature of homosexuality, and two of his ex-lovers, one of whom is the son of one of the professors

Anyway at one point the professor and his son have a sort of emotional shout match. It wasn't really well acted, it honestly wasn't even that good, but I immediately started crying.

So basically the point is I've been carrying around a lot of emotional hang ups and baggage type stuff for the majority of my 25 years of life.

I really have no clue how to deal with it. I've never really talked to anyone about a lot of the things that have happened to me since even as early as the age of 4.

I suppose normal people at this point would seek counseling or psychiatric help, but these things cost money I just don't have, and I'm unaware of any free programs in the area I could actually get involved in.

So I've been thinking of perhaps trying to deal with it in some type of blog. I mean even if no one ever reads it, at least I get the words and thoughts out.

Anyway, was thinking maybe 2-3 times a week I write a blog entry about events in my life that have gotten me to where I am now. I don't even know if that's a good idea, a lot of it is highly personal, but oddly I wouldn't mind sharing it.

Hell, maybe even 1 random confused gay kid in his/her freshman year of high school might read it someday, and it might help them deal with some stuff. I just don't know.

Also can anyone suggest any good free blog websites?

TheSlyMoogle · 08-29-2011, 05:10 AM

Also if this is too heavy into the realm of things you don't want to deal with or think about, then feel free to move on. I've pretty much set my mind to doing this blog thing.

Teuthida · 08-29-2011, 05:52 AM

Sounds like a great idea, especially if it'll help you. And it's always comforting as a kid reading about the lives of people who had similar experiences as you. There's also gayteenforum.com. I'm sure many of those kids would appreciate it.

Most people use blogger.com now I believe. Many even use it as their main site and link to it from a domain. They updated it recently with some nice new templates. Well, also see tumblr being used more and more, but mostly just for picture related stuff.

magus113 · 08-29-2011, 06:43 AM

Yeah tumblr is def. more for short bursts of stuff and reblogging pictures. Blogger.com is the way to go. Or make one through wordpress.com too.

Angrist · 08-29-2011, 08:16 AM

I write on paper when I'm troubled. It's like a diary, but I only use it when I feel like it. It really helps me get my feelings straight. Als reading it again is really nice (and I'm often surprised how interesting and well written it is).

So yeah, try that.

Professor S · 08-29-2011, 09:54 AM

Talk to your adviser at school or the on-campus health professional. Usually they have programs for this at no cost, and professional help is likely the best course of action. If they don't have programs for it, they are accepting a ridiculous amount of liability.

Bond · 08-29-2011, 12:46 PM

Have you tried calling / contacting Dan Savage? He normally knows of local programs when callers ask.

BreakABone · 08-29-2011, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Professor S

Talk to your adviser at school or the on-campus health professional. Usually they have programs for this at no cost, and professional help is likely the best course of action. If they don't have programs for it, they are accepting a ridiculous amount of liability.

Yeah I'll agree with that.

I think the blog will help get the information out, but I think you need to find professional help to work through the problems.

And now just share them to strangers online. Though that also has its benefits.

KillerGremlin · 08-29-2011, 05:15 PM

I am doing my blog through Google's Blogger. For like 10 bucks a year you can buy your own domain on Blogger, but I'm just doing the free thing for now (my blog: http://notanotherbeerreview.blogspot.com/). Wordpress is the other popular one, but I'm not sure how much it costs.

How would you feel seeking campus resources? I know many campuses with Psychology programs have free counseling services built in to help train prospective Grad Students.

Writing is a good way to channel energy into a constructive outlet, but I can't say how therapeutic it is. Look at all the insanely talented musicians and artists; most of them were really messed up. Now look at how many of them OD'ed or killed themselves.

Opening up is a good first step, but you may want to think about doing it in a supportive environment. There are a ton of good LGBT resources out there, so don't think you are alone.

TheSlyMoogle · 08-29-2011, 07:43 PM

Well I actually tried the campus counselor a couple of semesters back, and he just sort of nodded and tapped his pencil a lot after I started talking about me being gay and some of the stuff. Before that he seemed interested. I hate to say it but I believe the word gay automatically meant he didn't care.

I actually reported him to the school, but he's still here. Morehead kinda sucks for that stuff I suppose.

KillerGremlin · 08-29-2011, 08:13 PM

That sounds absolutely shitty. The only other avenue maybe worth exploring is to see if your school has an LGBTQ resources. At my college we had a whole department for LGTBQ and gender and women's studies. This included a safe place designated on campus, resources and referrals, and a place to just hang out. You could get condoms there too. We also had a number of clubs on campus in support of LGBTQ stuff.

Outside of campus, you could always google around for LGBTQ counseling or gay counselors, although I am unfamiliar with that territory....I'm like 96% positive they are out there.

If you can get in touch with one, see if they can get you a few free sessions on or off insurance, or if they have any sliding scales. Some definitely do.

Bond · 08-29-2011, 08:19 PM

KG, I'm pretty sure Morehead is in fairly rural Kentucky. Not exactly the beacon of LGBT studies like Chicago and Madison.

TheSlyMoogle · 08-29-2011, 08:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KillerGremlin

That sounds absolutely shitty. The only other avenue maybe worth exploring is to see if your school has an LGBTQ resources. At my college we had a whole department for LGTBQ and gender and women's studies. This included a safe place designated on campus, resources and referrals, and a place to just hang out. You could get condoms there too. We also had a number of clubs on campus in support of LGBTQ stuff.

Outside of campus, you could always google around for LGBTQ counseling or gay counselors, although I am unfamiliar with that territory....I'm like 96% positive they are out there.

If you can get in touch with one, see if they can get you a few free sessions on or off insurance, or if they have any sliding scales. Some definitely do.

Actually we have a gay straight alliance that I started my 2nd year here, and it's still going strong, but for the most part they accomplish nothing other than managing to have one gay party a year (Which so wasn't my idea), and sometimes doing some type of fundraiser for AVOL (AIDS volunteers of Lexington, KY) which the largest donation came from the year I started the fundraiser.

Basically I tried to have talks with them when I started the group, and about the most personal it got was some things I said myself, and a kid who was being abused by his roommate, who we got out of his room by talking to housing and my friend let him stay at her house for a few days until he could move rooms.

If I wanted a support group outside of that I would have to go to lexington which is about an hour away drive time (And about 20 dollars in gas).

So I'm going to try this blog thing for a while.

Combine 017 · 08-29-2011, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KillerGremlin

That sounds absolutely shitty. The only other avenue maybe worth exploring is to see if your school has an LGBTQ resources.

What the hell does the "Q" stand for?

Moogle you should just get yourself a pet, even if its just some stupid beta fish. Maybe get a kitten, kittens are fun. Or move on over to Vancouver and start a restaurant with me.

manasecret · 08-29-2011, 10:37 PM

I just heard about this on NPR. Suggested by the author as someone who was bullied when he was young and wishes someone had told him about it when he was a kid. Sounds like a good read for anyone, I think I'm going to pick it up, too.