Unsure of anything...

Ace195 · 05-04-2005, 10:19 PM

Have you ever loved someone than they knew? And then when they leave it feels like part of you died? My relationship of 2+ years is slowly winding down the toilet because I'm in Afghanistan, and yet something like this normally wouldn't bother me. But it's driving me insane.

I don't understand alot about anything or love or any of that stuff. But I thought I was in love, we'll I know I'm in love. I think. Gah, I told you insane. It's like I don't know how to feel and don't know what to do. The only thing that's kept me sane at all is the constant work. None of my friends from home are here right now, I mean everyone in the unit is from where I am from but none of them are my friends that I got drunk with, wen't to prom with.. Things like that the people I know the best.

The only comfort I have nowadays is talking to my friend Doug, he understands and he's my words of wisdom. He tells me when I'm being completly stupid or if my worries have merit.

My relationship was floundering because of trust, sadly enough it took it ending for me to truely trust her. And now I don't know if it will ever be better again. I don't know why I'm telling all of you this, but it feels better to get it off my chest. Maybe the one I love isn't there. I don't know, but I want to.

Now somedays here in this country I'm at a loss because something so trivial when I'm home as trust is the killer of my relationship. And I don't know what to do to fix it. I can't look into her eyes and tell her that I truely trust her. And flowers and I'm sorry gifts don't work at all with this girl. Never have. I sent her a teddy bear that when you squeezed it said please forgive me and then it started to whimper. And it didn't work.. Some of my friends ask me why I'm fighting so hard to get this one girl back...

They tell me I'm only 20 and I shouldn't worry. That I'll be 21 before I get home and then I can go to the bars and find another girl. But I don't think that anyone will be able to replace her in my heart.

If they can't fill that void then what ?

I'll never be happy again?

I know this wouldn't be so hard if I wasn't in a foreign country. But I mean wow what kind of person would do this to a person while they are overseas. It's a harsh country and now it's even worse now that I don't have someone to listen to my problems and be there for me unconditionally.

Alright, well.. there you go.. bleeding heart on a stage.

It's about 650 am so I'm probably going to go get to work or something. Maybe eat. I don't know

I hope I feel better eventually because this is really going to suck if I don't

KillerGremlin · 05-05-2005, 12:38 AM

Right now I'm having a bit of an identity crisis....a mental breakdown if you will. I've thought about maybe trying something, like a drug or something, and I've thought about just giving up on a lot of things all together. Right now I'm in this state of mental debate, I feel f*cked up, I can't sleep...I have insomnia, I'm depressed, and I'm not lovin' it....stupid McDonalds.

Right now I'm trying to have a little faith. I don't believe in all that faith BS...I disprove of mass religion, and I'm not going to start praying just because I'm in distress....but, the way I see it, stuff happens for a reason, and all ends will meet. I still have an outlook, and it's that what happens tomorrow is going to happen, regardless. And, maybe you can control some of it, but most of it you can't. You're just one piece of your life....and stuff doesn't work out.

I'm just rambling, and I'm not full of wisdom. But life is a bumpy ride, and you seem to be at a rough spot. And, for what it's worth, stay strong, and hopefully you'll come out better. If not, then I guess that was the grand scheme, but at least you know it's not your fault.

Bond · 05-11-2005, 07:25 PM

Well, if you want this girl back then go for it. The worst thing that can happen is that it blows up in your face, which is better than doing nothing in my opinion.