The Ultimate Survivor Person Showdown

[KillerGremlin]

Les Stroud



vs

Bear Grylls

[KillerGremlin]

These shows are such a white person thing /stereotype, so here is some supplemental funnies:

If you find yourself trapped in the middle of the woods without electricity, running water, or a car you would likely describe that situation as a “nightmare” or “a worse case scenario like after plane crash or something.” White people refer to it as “camping.”

When white people begin talking to you about camping they will do their best to tell you that it’s very easy and it allows them to escape the pressures and troubles of the urban lifestyle for a more natural, simplified, relaxing time. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In theory camping should be a very inexpensive activity since you are literally sleeping on the ground. But as with everything in white culture, the more simple it appears the more expensive it actually is.

Camping is a multi-day, multi-step, potentially lethal activity that will cost you a large amount of both time and money. Unless you are in some sort of position where you absolutely need the friendship of a white person, you should avoid camping at all costs.

The first stage of camping always involves a trip to an outdoor equipment store like REI (or in Canada, Mountain Equipment Co-Op). These stores are well known for their abundance of white customers and their extensive inventory of things for white people to buy and only use once. If you are ever tricked into going to one of these stores, you can make white people like you by saying things like “man, this Kayak is only $1200, if I use it 35 times I’ve already saved money over renting.” Note: do not actually buy the kayak.

Next, white people will then take this new equipment and load it into an SUV or Subaru Outback with a Thule or Yakima Roof Rack. Then they will drive for an extended period of time to a national park or campsite where they will pay an entrance fee and begin their journey. It is worth noting that white people are unaware of the irony of using a gas burning car to bring them closer to nature and it is not recommended that you point this out. It will ruin their weekend.

Once in the camp area, white people will walk around for a while, set up a tent, have a horrible night of sleep, walk around some more. Then get in the car and go home. This, of course, is a best case scenario. Worst case scenarios include: getting lost, poisoned, killed by an animal, and encountering an RV. Of these outcomes, the latter is seen by white people as the worst since it involves an encounter with the wrong kind of white people.

Conversely, any camping trip that ends in death at the hands of nature or requires the use of valuable government resources for a rescue is seen as relatively positive in white culture. This is because both situations might eventually lead to a book deal or documentary film about the experience.

Ultimately the best way to escape a camping trip with white people is to say that you have allergies. Since white people and their children are allergic to almost everything, they will understand and ask no further questions. You should not say something like “looking at history, the instances of my people encountering white people in the woods have not worked out very well for us.”

Note: this works for all races!

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2009/08/14/128-camping/

[Fox 6]

Have to go with Bear here. He was a Royal Marine, and he also broke his back in a skydiving accident......... simply badass

[Teuthida]

That first guy has a spear, and the other one sort of looks like Christian Bale. I'd say they're evenly matched.

[Vampyr]

Bear.

[Bond]

Unquestionably Bear Grylls.

[Typhoid]

I have to say Bear Grylls. People always compare him to Les Stroud and say "Well he's not really roughing it, Les Stroud is.", despite the fact Bear isn't claiming to be alone, he's showing you what to do, and how to do it.

Although I watched an episode of Survivorman where Les was in Papa New Guinea (I think) and was tripping out on drugs. It was pretty hilarious.

Bear still wins.

Bear Grylls...if all he had to survive on was pig penises he would eat them all and then jump off a really high object into a whirlpool of sharks (*may actually spend night sleeping in a Hilton)

And even if he does sleep in a Hilton, that doesn't mean he didn't eat pig penis and didn't jump into a whirlpool of sharks. Which - by the way - he would definitely succeed at.

[KillerGremlin]

I like Bear a lot, and he is pretty badass. I just went with Les because I feel like if I was stranded in real life I'd rather be stranded with Les for the long haul.

[Angrist]

Never heard of them.

[Professor S]

Um, Bear has a more badass name but that's about it.

Bear has a team of camera men to save his ass.

Les got nobody.

This isn't even a contest.