Social Stigma: Parents

Typhoid · 10-26-2010, 04:03 PM

So today I was thinking about a really specific part of social stigma. The part that has to do with parents, specifically.

I'd think most people like their parents [excluding teenagers] at any given time, and enjoy their company. Most people will have dinner with their parents, watch movies with their parents, play games with their parents - so why is it 'lame' to go do things with your parents? What is the difference between going to help a friend shop for _____, or going to help your mom shop for _____. This is something I've never understood.

As someone who would proudly consider his mother as not only the single nicest person in the world, but as the most important person in his life; I frequently spend time with my mom. Maybe it's just talking about problems we're individually having, maybe it's raunchy jokes, or maybe it's just talking about a TV show or movie - but these are all things I do with my friends, as well. Keeping in that vein, I also go out places with my mom. Be it for lunch, or if she's going grocery shopping, or if one of us is running errands. But then I started remembering several times when I've been asked what I'm doing, and replied with "Out with my mom", or "I'm getting groceries with/for my mom", and the response would be some type of tongue-in-cheek sarcastic remark, or a down-putting response. But why.

Small children like to hang out with their parents[until they turn about 14 or 15], and people over 35 tend to spend time with their parents without there being any type of critique. So why are the 20-ish years inbetween child and complete adult so terrible for spending time with your parents - because if you ask me, those are the years where you make the strongest type of parent-child bond you can, one that doesn't revolve around bitching or fighting, but rather around actual friendship...with your parents.

Vampyr · 10-26-2010, 05:12 PM

I don't think I ever went through this phase, but I think you're over estimating the age. It seems like people who go through this are usually in the 13 - 16 age bracket. I don't know any 20+ year olds who would be embarrassed to be out with their parents.

BreakABone · 10-26-2010, 06:31 PM

I think people go through their teen phase and kind of rebel against their parents and then they get older and society kind of frowns on a close knit relationship with your parents.

I mean you are always told to grow up and be independent, and to many that means, not being as close with your parents. Not running to them with problems or doing stuff socially that you should be doing with your peers.

Only my 2 cents anyhow.

Xantar · 10-26-2010, 08:51 PM

I guess it depends what you're looking for when you go out. When I'm shopping for a TV, I make sure to bring my dad because he's a cinemaphile. He'll know which models are good and what to look for to get me the best experience. Similarly, my mom knows where to get the best ingredients when I want to cook something, so I ask her advice a lot.

But I don't go out with them to have fun most of the time. They don't like the kind of movies I like or the music I like. And since they don't drink, they certainly won't hang out at bars with me.

On the other hand, I don't know how much of this is because of our ages and how much of it is because my parents are immigrants. At a fundamental level, they don't understand a major portion of my life.

I will say, though, that your 20s is usually thought to be the time when you're supposed to be on your own, making your way in the world, and figuring things out independently. You're expected to be able to do things without needing help from your parents. So maybe going out with your parents to do things is viewed in sort of the same way as when you go over to your parents' house to do the laundry.

Typhoid · 10-27-2010, 01:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vampyr

I don't know any 20+ year olds who would be embarrassed to be out with their parents.

I know a lot - that's why I thought of this thread in the first place. People are so ashamed to admit they're spending time with their parents, for fear they actually might enjoy the company - or completely avoid their parents once they move out for that same reason.

Quote:

Not running to them with problems or doing stuff socially that you should be doing with your peers.

But what's so wrong with treating your parents like friends, and being friends with your parents? And who said anything about 'running to your parents with problems'? I was talking about being their friend, not mooching for their help or advice - unless you frequently run to your friends with your problems/do laundry at your friends/constantly borrow money from your friends.

Quote:

I will say, though, that your 20s is usually thought to be the time when you're supposed to be on your own, making your way in the world, and figuring things out independently.

But if you treat your parents like friends, that negates the 'making your way through the world independently' thing, unless you never let one of your friends help you with decisions, or problems.

Hanging out with parents, and talking through decisions with them = Not independent, totally lame.
Hanging out with peers, and talking through decisions with them = Independent, totally okay.

That's the [basic] equation I don't understand.

I remember when I was taking a cab ride back from a bartending thing one night I was talking about this exact thing with the cab driver. He happened to be Indian [the kind from India], and he made some good points that made me think about it. He said "No matter how old you are, your parents house is always your house. I am 44, and I never say 'I am going to my parents house, come over for some food', I say 'I am going home. Come over to my house.' "

And he actually went on to explain why Indians who immigrate in tend to have all of their family in one house [other than cost reasons], and it actually made perfect sense. But now I'm being stoned and getting off track.

Ginkasa · 10-27-2010, 03:27 AM

I think this stigma is a "depends on the region/type of people" sort of thing. I really haven't seen this at all, really. Most of the people I know go out to movies or whatnot with their parents on a fairly regular basis. Those that don't aren't refusing or embarrassed to be with them; its usually due to location issues (living in different states and what not).

I only know a few people who actively don't want to spend time with their parents. Rather than being embarrassed, though, they just don't like their parents as people for pretty good reasons.

Angrist · 10-28-2010, 06:49 PM

Depends on how your parents treat you. If they still don't trust you, things get complicated.

I've always gone shopping for clothes with my mom. Hm last time I actually went with my brother... But in those stores I rarely see other youth with their mothers.

I guess you either have reasons why you don't like your parents, or it's just a social thing for you.

Bube · 10-29-2010, 03:44 PM

I also go out with my parents from time to time, and it certainly doesn't bother me that much.

I remember back when we were Nintendose, I said that I sometimes went shopping with my mom. Somebody I can't remember right now asked me how old I was

Teuthida · 10-29-2010, 04:21 PM

Occasionally I help little old ladies out with their computer problems for a bit of cash. My mom offered to give me a ride to one's home since it was on the way to her job. The old woman then goes "Awww, your mommy dropped you off." I got made fun of by an 80 year old woman, so there's that.

Typhoid · 10-30-2010, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Teuthida

The old woman then goes "Awww, your mommy dropped you off." I got made fun of by an 80 year old woman, so there's that.

hahaha.
See, that's the type of thing I'm talking about.

I personally don't get rides anywhere. I don't drive by choice, and I don't ask people for rides. If I need to get somewhere, I walk, or take a cab to a skytrain station.

That said - What's the difference between getting a ride from a friend, or a parent - if you are in need of a ride, and it's on the way - not if you are asking them for a ride.

TheSlyMoogle · 10-31-2010, 12:21 AM

Well I think one of the major issues here is a lot of people have shitty parents. Like super shitty parents. Take mine as an example.

Goes something like this:

Me: Hey Mom and Dad I have something important to talk to you about.

Them: Yeah ok.

Me: I'm gay

Them: Get the Fuck out of our house.

Ok so that's like a cut down version of the truth, but basically I haven't seen or heard from my parents in over 2 years. I don't care either. They sucked. Am I sometimes slightly jealous that my friends all have parents they enjoy spending time with? Hell yeah. Does this sometimes make me say snide things like "Momma's boy"? Yes, it does.

Usually though, I don't berate my friend's parents. I found it more common for this scenario:

Me: Sup Kara, what are you doing today?

Kara: Gonna go chill with my mom, so boring.

Me: Your mom is cool as fuck though

Kara: Meh she's still my mom.

That's how it usually goes in my circle.

Also a lot of times you just don't get a lot from your parents. Like I was waaaay smarter than my parents, and they just didn't understand anything I was doing or interested in. So from like 8th grade and up we just rarely had much to chat about.

Also my dad is a jerk. Just throwing that out there.