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Pretty good. It isn't perfect (there are a few minor mistakes and its a little short) but its pretty good.
Much better read than Dyflon's thing.
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I came close to pleasing Ginkasa!!! Sweet. Its a short story anyway, if I made each section longer, it would take a while.
Im going to respect Dyflon and not post another chapter until his is finished. I just wanted to get some feedback and know what to do for the next few chapters. Which will be longer, okay Ginkasa?