[Professor S]

Getting Steve Corino Over in the WWE

It has been discussed and ranted on this site many many times in the past, so I am sure I’m not saying anything new or mind blowing by saying that the WWE is missing the boat on Steve Corino. The man is money wherever he goes, an the WWE just can’t seem to grasp that fact, and what makes it worse is that we all know why the WWE cannot grasp it.

Size.

Vincey-poo loves the big men, and always has. It makes sense to him, I’m sure, as he built his company around Hulk Hogan in the 80’s. Even with as big as Hogan was, he would find ways to make Hogan seem to be the underdog by booking him against opponents who were even bigger. The list reads as a who’s who of legendary big men… and Zeus. RIMSHOT!

It made sense at the time as he made a regional carnival show into a national giant and now permanent fixture of American culture. But times… they are a changin’.

The wrestling world has changed and the fans are no longer the same snaggle toothed, mullet headed, digital watch having, mesh tank-top wearing true marks of old. When was the last time you heard of a wrestler being stabbed by a pencil on the way to the ring or having acid thrown on them?

The wrestling fan is also not predominantly the doe-eyed 8 year old who watched every Saturday morning to see their hero face the evil ones with their cardigan-sweater wearing parents digging on the “prayers” and “vitamins” message being sent.

Today’s wrestling fans are SMART. Yes, I used the term that makes insiders scoff and wrestling giggle. While not all wrestling fans are sick bastards like myself who collect tapes and just had to win the bidding on a circa 1992 Big Van Vader T-Shirt on E-Bay, but all wrestling fans today:

1) Know that wrestling is “fake”. See the stabbing and acid throwing comments above. This kills the “big man” push in today’s scene as fans don’t care about reality, they want to watch someone who can either work, talk or both. A-Train can’t do any of them and he couldn’t get over if Vince slipped a trampoline under his ass.

2) Have at least a LITTLE knowledge as to the history of wrestling, even if it was just as far back as Bret Hart’s championship runs. Example: Chainsaw Charley. Everyone knew it was Terry Funk and the WWE was forced to unmask the legend. The question is: If WWE fans are mainly casual “marks”, how would they know who Terry Funk was? He hadn’t wrestled for the WWE for years and was off of national TV for quite some time. Answer: The fans are more knowledgeable than we think.

3) Want to be ENTERTAINED. If the fans aren’t intrigued anymore because they know that it doesn’t matter how big someone is, why push a big man with no personality who can’t work? Its not entertaining, and the ratings are showing this.

I firmly believe that wrestling fans that have left the WWE product have left it because the WWE does not want to face the facts listed above. He needs to look past size, and realize that no matter how big someone is, if they have a small personality either on the mic or in the ring, they will fail. The perfect person to hire after this realiation is made is Steve Corino, and I would use the fact that Vince dislikes small wrestlers to get him, and other smaller workers who can’t get a push some valuable heat. So before I begin my fantasy booking… HIT MY MUSIC!

Smackdown

Steve Corino is introduced as the new back stage interviewer. He can get referenced by Taz, having known him in ECW and Taz can use the a little time giving a few comments to the fact that Corino is a legitimate in-ring tough guy, referencing the scars on his forehead, and the “King of Old School”. He can even wonder why he’s not in the ring wrestling. After this, the references to him being an in ring performer would be passing with not much into it but “I wouldn’t push Corino around”, etc. Its just to establish to the fans that do not know him that he can take care of himself.

As he interviews, the way he is treated by the wrestlers is reminiscent of how Coach is treated on Raw. He is cut-off, pie faced and pushed around, but instead of laughing it off ala Coach, he becomes angry and as the passing weeks go by he is visibly having a harder and harder time hiding his rage, and even starts ripping on the wrestlers he is interviewing the way that only Corino, which leads to more abuse by his interviewee’s.

Finally, after having Rhino push him around a little during an interview and dismiss him, Corino grabs the mic and says:

“Rhino, what the hell? We came from the same place, we both came up in ECW, and now your going to stand there and act like I’m some friggin’ moron, like the Coach? Show me some goddamn RESPECT!” To which Rhino says:

“Respect? When was the last time you laced up the boots and took a chair to the head. Shut up!” And he pushes Corino out of the camera shot and starts to talk about his upcoming match. Before he can get 2 words out Corino runs in from the side, hitting him with a steel chair and says:

“I may not have taken a chair to the dome in a while, but I sure as hell can still swing one. How bout when you come to, you meet me in the ring, BITCH!” Corino leaves and Rhino slowly rises, very angrily.

Commercial

Corino walks out to the ring with no entrance music or pyro. He is still in his khakis and dress shoes and grabs the mic.

“I have sat in the back, and taken every single wrestler’s abuse since I first started working here, and I’m SICK of it! I’m not some pasty faced jackass who’s just happy to have a job in wrestling. I’m Steve Corino. I’m the King of Old School, and I will NOT be disrespected by ANYONE, especially not some freak who names himself after zoo animals. So from now on, I’m no longer Steve Corino, mild mannered reporter. I’m Steve Corino: King of Old School and Kicker of ASS! And Rhino, your ass is first!”

Note: I would ot presume to give Steve Corino a static script, as whatever he would add to it would no doubt be better than my cliched rantings. Its just a general idea of what he should say.

Rhino would then storm out of the back with his music blaring, while Corino would be in the ring screaming at him to “bring it”. This would be a very emotional and animated sequence. And in the tradition of ECW, we have an impromptu match a referee runs from the back.

The match would start and would have to be booked carefully. I would have a match under 4 minutes of very quick, hard hitting action (no bleeding by Corino… that must be saved for a few weeks) that goes back and forth but with Rhino eventually Goring Corino through the ropes to the outside. Rhino would fall outside the ring and both men would be down. Rhino slowly gets up as Corino scrambles to get away while clutching his stomach. Rhino gives chase and as he turns the corner of the ring post, Corino grabs a chair from under the ring an pastes Rhino’s head with it. Corino starts yelling insults at Rhino and then throws him in the ring as the ref hits the bell for the DQ.

With Rhino on the far side of the ring away from the entrance, Corino with chair in hand waits for Rhino to get back up so he can hit him again. From the back Chris Benoit runs down the ramp and toward the ring. Hearing the crowd reaction Corino turns and plays defensive (“please don’t hurt me” type stuff). Benoit runs in the ring and throws a clothesline that Corino ducks, but nails Rhino as he returns to standing. Benoit looks down at Rhino holding his head in the traditional “what did I just do?” manner, looks at Corino, and then starts nailing RHYNO. Corino joins in, and Benoit stands Rhyno up for one more chair shot. They then both leave up the ramp slowly, Benoit toothlessly smiling and Corino still yelling at Rhino. End of segment before commercial.

Later in the show, some interviewer comes up to Corino and Benoit in the back:

“After seeing what you 2 did to Rhyno is the ring I’m confused. Chris, I thought you and Rhyno were friends, and Steve… I thought you were an announcer!”

“You want to know why? Don’t’ worry, you’ll find out later tonight. We’re not done yet.” And they walk away. End of segment.

(to be continued)