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KillerGremlin · 07-29-2013, 08:59 PM

I know I'm the forum cynic, but I loved **The Wolverine**...I'll probably love me some Iron Man 3 when I rent that shit, and I've enjoyed quite a few summer blockbusters this year.

Man of Steel was dogshit.

I could go into a lengthy rant as to why this movie sucked massive balls, but I feel like a couple of observations need to be stated:

1) Apparently making a good Superman movie is hard

2) Apparently the original cut was over 3 hours long, and Snyder had to edit the shit out of the film

I thought the movie was disjointed and dumb. Zod's motives didn't make a whole lot of sense, and while I greatly enjoyed the opening sequence on Kyrpton, I thought the "ZOD MAD, ZOD REVENGE" thing was dull and boring.

The plot was really contrived. All the shit with young Clark Kent lifting a bus out of the water and seeing everyone's bones reminded me of that tiny budget masterpiece, Chronicle. This film:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1706593/

There were two good scenes though. The oil rig scene was BADASS. My heart was pounding during that. That was some good shit. The other scene that was well done was the scene when the kids were bullying young Clark, and he just took the abuse...and the bullies walk away, and you see what Clark did to the fence. I thought that was an awesome scene that really conveyed message/meaning. You know...like a movie is supposed to.

The scene where Kevin Costner committed self-mutilation by tornado was probably the dumbest thing I've seen on the big screen since Waterworld. I'm not saying that Kevin Costner should feel bad for being a mediocre B-List actor with no talent that no one gives a shit about, but seriously, if he ever sees a tornado in real life....(I understand that he didn't actually write that awful scene, I'm just saying).

The action scenes were awesome. Some of them were. That was the big deal with this movie, right? A cathartic breather from the offbeat and quirky disaster that was Superman Returns. You know, Superman Returns was a dumb, boring movie...but Brandon Routh has just about everything going towards his portrayal as Superman as Henry Cavill does. That said, Henry Cavill KILLED it in this film. He was by far the best part of this heaping pile of shit. When that dude put on the Superman costume....holy shit. This guy is Superman. He even had a few cutesy moments ala Routh/Reeve.

The best action scene in this movie was the fight in the small desert town where Superman was being thrown into trains, and trains were being thrown into Superman, and that general chick was kicking ass. That was some cool shit.

The stuff at the end of the movie was so...yawn. Pretentious and boring. And what the fuck was with that tentacle world destroyer thing? Can you talk about forced nonsense for the sake of being forced nonsense? Not only was that scene boring as hell, but it made no sense.

This must be a Nolan thing...apparently what passes for "Superhero" these days is the massive destruction of cities. It's funny, because we saw Bane do some serious damage to Gotham, and now we see Zod destroy half of New York/Metropolis...and it couldn't be any less exciting. The end of The Dark Knight was ten times more intense than this fake bullshit. And seriously, did you know that the black guy from The Matrix was in this new Superman movie? Yeah, he's like running from lasers and falling buildings and shit, because apparently The Wachowski Brothers couldn't afford to pay for him to continue to lead people down the rabbit hole, or whatever.

I guess my final gripe will be with Lois Lane. First off, it's a good god damn coincidence that Kryptonians or whatever they are called look like humans. You'd think that Superman, an alien who can see people's freaky bones, would want nothing to do with a lady or her lady bits. But what do I know. Interspecies erotica here we come. Like most of these movies, I thought Lois was kind of underdeveloped. Her bravery (not to be confused with being an empowered woman) was more of a plot vehicle for some confusing bullshit on that spaceship. Also, apparently Zod and the Kryptonites are so smart they can build a spaceship that can block out the radiation from the sun and create a fake atmosphere, but they can't save their exploding planet.

Le what the fuck.

Maybe it was the grueling 2+ hour length, or the mellow dramatic tone, or the sepia colors used, or the lack of fun moments (like when Superman figured out he can fly...not just jump really high). It's like, this movie tried so hard to not be Superman Returns it totally lost sight of things like having fun or having good writing and a story that makes any sense.

The final fight scene was a total rip off of the boring end to the boring and dumb Matrix Revolutions too. Jeez. Dat Jesus allegory.

Once the action/nostalgia boner wares off, this movie is going to age like dogshit. Nolan needs to stop writing these clunkers. He had two winners in Batman Begins/TDK. Quit while you're ahead.

07-29-2013, 08:59 PM	#27
KillerGremlin No Pants KillerGremlin is offline Location: Friggin In The Riggin Now Playing: my ding-a-ling Posts: 4,566	Re: Superman: The Man of Steel I know I'm the forum cynic, but I loved The Wolverine...I'll probably love me some Iron Man 3 when I rent that shit, and I've enjoyed quite a few summer blockbusters this year. Man of Steel was dogshit. I could go into a lengthy rant as to why this movie sucked massive balls, but I feel like a couple of observations need to be stated: 1) Apparently making a good Superman movie is hard 2) Apparently the original cut was over 3 hours long, and Snyder had to edit the shit out of the film I thought the movie was disjointed and dumb. Zod's motives didn't make a whole lot of sense, and while I greatly enjoyed the opening sequence on Kyrpton, I thought the "ZOD MAD, ZOD REVENGE" thing was dull and boring. The plot was really contrived. All the shit with young Clark Kent lifting a bus out of the water and seeing everyone's bones reminded me of that tiny budget masterpiece, Chronicle. This film: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1706593/ There were two good scenes though. The oil rig scene was BADASS. My heart was pounding during that. That was some good shit. The other scene that was well done was the scene when the kids were bullying young Clark, and he just took the abuse...and the bullies walk away, and you see what Clark did to the fence. I thought that was an awesome scene that really conveyed message/meaning. You know...like a movie is supposed to. The scene where Kevin Costner committed self-mutilation by tornado was probably the dumbest thing I've seen on the big screen since Waterworld. I'm not saying that Kevin Costner should feel bad for being a mediocre B-List actor with no talent that no one gives a shit about, but seriously, if he ever sees a tornado in real life....(I understand that he didn't actually write that awful scene, I'm just saying). The action scenes were awesome. Some of them were. That was the big deal with this movie, right? A cathartic breather from the offbeat and quirky disaster that was Superman Returns. You know, Superman Returns was a dumb, boring movie...but Brandon Routh has just about everything going towards his portrayal as Superman as Henry Cavill does. That said, Henry Cavill KILLED it in this film. He was by far the best part of this heaping pile of shit. When that dude put on the Superman costume....holy shit. This guy is Superman. He even had a few cutesy moments ala Routh/Reeve. The best action scene in this movie was the fight in the small desert town where Superman was being thrown into trains, and trains were being thrown into Superman, and that general chick was kicking ass. That was some cool shit. The stuff at the end of the movie was so...yawn. Pretentious and boring. And what the fuck was with that tentacle world destroyer thing? Can you talk about forced nonsense for the sake of being forced nonsense? Not only was that scene boring as hell, but it made no sense. This must be a Nolan thing...apparently what passes for "Superhero" these days is the massive destruction of cities. It's funny, because we saw Bane do some serious damage to Gotham, and now we see Zod destroy half of New York/Metropolis...and it couldn't be any less exciting. The end of The Dark Knight was ten times more intense than this fake bullshit. And seriously, did you know that the black guy from The Matrix was in this new Superman movie? Yeah, he's like running from lasers and falling buildings and shit, because apparently The Wachowski Brothers couldn't afford to pay for him to continue to lead people down the rabbit hole, or whatever. I guess my final gripe will be with Lois Lane. First off, it's a good god damn coincidence that Kryptonians or whatever they are called look like humans. You'd think that Superman, an alien who can see people's freaky bones, would want nothing to do with a lady or her lady bits. But what do I know. Interspecies erotica here we come. Like most of these movies, I thought Lois was kind of underdeveloped. Her bravery (not to be confused with being an empowered woman) was more of a plot vehicle for some confusing bullshit on that spaceship. Also, apparently Zod and the Kryptonites are so smart they can build a spaceship that can block out the radiation from the sun and create a fake atmosphere, but they can't save their exploding planet. Le what the fuck. Maybe it was the grueling 2+ hour length, or the mellow dramatic tone, or the sepia colors used, or the lack of fun moments (like when Superman figured out he can fly...not just jump really high). It's like, this movie tried so hard to not be Superman Returns it totally lost sight of things like having fun or having good writing and a story that makes any sense. The final fight scene was a total rip off of the boring end to the boring and dumb Matrix Revolutions too. Jeez. Dat Jesus allegory. Once the action/nostalgia boner wares off, this movie is going to age like dogshit. Nolan needs to stop writing these clunkers. He had two winners in Batman Begins/TDK. Quit while you're ahead.