Quote:
Originally Posted by Dylflon
Dear Typhoid,
I am in a serious relationship and have been for the past 4 and a half years. We seriously plan to get married but there is one thing I'm wondering if I should consider first.
We've never had any serious fights in the time we've been dating and we're pretty much perfect for each other so I feel like we'll be fine, but do you think we should live together for a while to establish that dynamic and confirm we're compatible in that way (which I believe we will be) before I pop the question?
Sincerely,
Dylan
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Dear Dylflon,
I highly suggest living with someone before you ask to marry them. It isn't the 70's or 80's anymore. Living together before marriage is the norm, if not completely required in my mind. Seeing someone every day - whether you love them or not - is a very different thing than seeing them a few days a week when you're free, where you both have your own space to retreat to if needed. Most major fights don't actually occur
until a couple lives together, because the stress of seeing someone every day, mixed with bills of various sorts, on top of work and/or school can be overwhelming at times. I would suggest you live together before hand especially if you've never had a major fight. Now, because I know you, in no way am I saying it wouldn't work out - I'm just saying that you should live together before to at least get the fights out of the way - in a sense. Like a practice run that you expect to work out. Fights are inevitable. They will happen. And if you've never had them, you're not used to them, which means you (collective you) won't react rationally to them. Rushing into
anything is never a good idea.
Now, I'm well aware that she really wants to get married. Don't let that pressure you into anything really fast. We are very young, still. Getting married before living together when you've never had a fight seems silly in a way. Relationships
need fights. And I'm afraid for you. Because typically the longer a relationship goes without a fight, the bigger it will be. Sort of like if you hold off your load for a while.
I would suggest instead of asking her to marry you as you were planning on it, ask her to move in with you - err, moreso ask her to move
out with you. You have to walk before you run.
Gravity defyingly yours, Typh.