[thatmariolover]

I myself have a little approach anxiety, but I've been much better about it lately. I think you have to try to understand the reason you feel anxious and tackle that (which I realize is more easily said than done). For me it was feeling inadequate and not desirable, which in turn makes you less desirable. It's not about false boasting, but it is about confidence.

Look people in the eye. For me this was a huge issue because I thought that with guys I was being agressive and challenging, and for girls I was afraid they'd think I was staring. But it has nothing to do with that. It has to do with knowing your own worth, and being your own man, and looking people in the eye because you are good enough.

Now that I have a level of confidence I'm comfortable with, I have a lot more intimate encounters. Unfortunately I also had a really bad breakup a while back and although I'm over the girl, I'm apparently not really recovered. In almost 5 years I've not met a girl that I wanted to be in a relationship with. Sure, sexual attraction is there. But any time that leads somewhere it's just hollow and meaningless and ultimately leaves me more lonely than if I'd just refrained (which I do most of the time anymore).

A very recent development is my ex calling me up and explaining that she just called off her wedding because she still loves me. Part of what she feels is regret, because she really treated me like shit and she knows it. I got together with her to hear her out and she apologized for a lot of stuff that really hurt and she offered a lot of explanations of things that I hadn't understood. That was a release and I'm sure it was stuff I needed to hear. But eventually the encounter turned sexual, and I regret it deeply. I told her straight up that I didn't want anything from her in the way of a relationship and that I just couldn't offer her anything but friendship. But she persisted and eventually I allowed her to seduce me. It's not like it was really a dramatic or regretable encounter. But it did make me realize that I really don't have those feelings for her anymore. I love her, but not like that.

That's complicated in and of itself because on some level I had hoped that I couldn't find love because I still held some remnant of feelings for her. But being with her made me realize that that isn't the case at all, which in turn makes me feel worse because it means that there's something else wrong with me. I'm trying not to get too bent out of shape about it, and I keep telling myself it will come when it comes. But I've played the single game for a long time, and I'm ready to get back in the game.