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Old 04-29-2002, 03:56 AM   #2
Lord Germano
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Chapter Six
“CHAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!! OK soldiers, when you hear that, roll for the enemy. When at jumping distance, jump and aim for the forehead. A strong blow should break their necks. Any questions?”
A scrawny looking pea jumped in the air.
“Yes, you sir.”
“Yes, I have an announcement to make. I have just developed attachable arms which may…”
“I’m sorry, but I asked for questions, next!”
No-one jumped in the air, so I dismissed everybody. It turns out the humans stopped for lunch, so they wouldn’t be here for a while. I was rolling back to camp for a nice glass of carrot juice when a couple of old, wrinkly-looking peas came rolling towards me. They seemed to have the co-ordination of a drunken squirrel.
”Hello. I’m sorry, but what’s your name?”
They talked strangely. The sound seemed to be coming from inside them. Plus the undeniable fact that there mouths didn’t move. And their eyes looked like mesh. There voices where also very low for a pea. There was also a crack in one of their skins, and it didn’t look like Brussels sprouts; more like paper-Mache. At this time, I was getting a little suspicious. I decided not to call for my guards just yet.
“I have no name, I am known as the lord of the peas. How is it that you do not know of me?”
“Er, we’re from out of town”
“I see, continue.”
“Er, yea, we were wondering if we could join the fight against the good for nothing humans.”
“What did you say about humans!”
“Shut-up!”
At this point I was getting very suspicious.
“All right, first I have some questions to ask you. Firstly, how old are you?”
“Erm, 40?”
“Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. OK, what’s your name?”
“Er, Germano?”
“Last name?”
“Er, Wilson?”
“If you were a pea your last name would be pea.”
“I think he knows where humans sir!”
“Shut-up, he doesn’t know yet!”
Suddenly it struck me. These peas were not peas, they were humans. But I had an idea.
“CHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!
Everyone in town started rolling. Rolling like they’ve never run before. They were rolling toward me, rolling past me, and finally rolling away from me towards the enemy.
“OK, that wasn’t the desired affect.”
The try-hard peas where punching through the skin. They emerged holding swords and shields, and they were surrounding me. If I had had pants I would have wet them.

“Please don’t squash me!” I yelped at the Humans. I couldn’t believe that I had been cornered in my own camp!
“Hey, relax; we really do won’t to help you!”
“Well, what was with the pea-suit?”
“We just didn’t won’t to scare you. Look, where members of the RSPCP, and where willing to help you.”
Chapter Seven
“So, tell me, why should I not kill you?”
That comment was supposed to make him tremble in his boots, unfortunately, it didn’t work.
“Well, we are going to save you, if that counts for anything.”
“And how do you plan on doing this?”
The human pulled a large peace of parchment from the innards of the fake pea.
“Does this mean anything to you?”
I took a look over the parchment. It had some calculations which where way over my head, although there was one bit I understood, some ingredients to a potion. I could remember it somehow, but I could not remember where from.
“This is the formula that the human alchemists used to make you peas.”
I looked blankly at him.
“Say what?”
“Around 150 years ago Professor Germano discovered this formula. Firstly we thought it was a formula to make anything taste like chocolate. So we dipped a few peas in to see if it worked. The result was you and your mutant friends. We think that we may be able to, er, modify, your bodies.”
I continued to look blankly at him; this was taking a while to digest.
“So, how would this help me and the order of the peas?”
“Well, we could give you arms, for a start.”
My eyes lit up to that.
“Well what are we waiting for, let’s go!”
There was just one problem; all of my soldiers had already gone to battle.
“What will happen with my brothers that have gone to battle?”
“Oh, there coming right now.”
Just then, all of my loyal peas came rolling down the hill. When everyone was down the hill what seemed like the king stood up on a rock, and started talking with his booming voice.
“Loyal Peas. Putting your wrong doings behind me; I have come here today to help you. When I have finished with you, you will no longer be good for nothing, but you will be serving both yourselves and humans. So I ask you now, which is better, serving thousand of humans and peas, or wallowing in your pitiful existence. For those of you who would like to help, come forth to the podium now.”
Wow, this guy is a genuine dictator. All of my fellow peas came forth to the podium, despite his criticism.

I didn’t really have to think about it, I just walked forward. I would have rolled for my life if I new what was coming. Even though I was there leader, I was shoved to the back. It seemed like the person in the black mask up the front was about to hand something out. When everyone was congregated, he unleashed a flask full of a strange orange gas. As soon as it hit the first pea, his eyes started to bulge. He got to at least 5ft in diameter before he popped. Most where popped into small bite sized chunks of Brussels sprout before they new what hit them. I rolled for my life.

It is now two days since the incident, I can feel the last breaths of life fading. I record this knowing that if it is found by humans, it will most certainly be destroyed by the barbarians. I know this is so because the humans hate all things that are abnormal. While we where winning this war, the humans where slowly destroying all other sentient races, including the Dwarfs, Elves and Halflings. Know now that the Humans will stop at nothing to destroy all that is unlike there own, and that your only chance is to hide or fight, but never negotiate.

The End.
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Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, Wondering, Fearing, Doubting...
-Edgar Allan Poe
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