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Kerry tries to win Gamers over

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I thought some of you might appreciate this bit of humor.

Quote:

In an effort to appeal to the often hard to reach gaming vote, John Kerry announced in a speech on Thursday that he has won three more Purple Hearts playing Battlefield Vietnam with friends while on the campaign trail.

“John Kerry might not be the best at Battlefield Vietnam yet, as is evidenced by his character getting so many medals for being wounded in action over the past few months, but his service to his pixelated country in that video game shows what a true leader he is. Those are leadership qualities that video gamers need to vote into office on November 2,” campaign manager Mary Beth Cahill told reporters.

The race for the White House has been heating up in recent months, and candidates have been campaigning hard in an attempt to sway critical portions of the vote in swing states. The gaming vote has always been considered especially elusive for candidates since it’s difficult to convince most gamers to move away from their computer long enough to go to the bathroom when wrapped up in a game alone vote.

The claims have stirred up gamers across the Internet, especially those who play the popular EA Games first person shooter on a regular basis. Soon after the announcement was made there were already gamers who were questioning the authenticity of the claims.

“I was with John Kerry on one of the nights when he supposedly won one of his Purple Hearts,” FPS gamer Megakilla told reporters. “They say that he heroically charged forward and singlehandedly won that game for the American team, well me and my clan buddies can tell you that it didn’t happen that way at all.”

“FuturePrez (Kerry) just sat at the back of the map for most of the game until one of the VC (Viet Cong) snipers got him with a head shot. You can’t win a Purple Heart if you’re killed in the round,” Megakilla elaborated.

Others gamers, mainly independents given the political leanings of the group, have stepped forward to support the Presidential candidate. They seem upset that other gamers would question Kerry’s skill in the game, and have theorized that these gamers are just upset that they continually find themselves on the business end of Kerry’s M60.

“Megakilla is a pansy idiot. The only headshots that he’s ever seen are the ones coming directly for his character,” gamer Patriot4life told reporters. “He’s just upset because Kerry was making him look bad, coming into the game and just owning the whole map while Mega was lucky to shoot himself in the foot.”

Representatives for the Kerry campaign, when told of the accusations that Kerry might not have earned all the medals they claim, said that it was obviously a Republican attempt at character assassination on the part of a right wing gamer conspiracy. They also pointed out that character assassination is the only kind of kill that Megakilla could ever hope to get with the way he flies around the map erratically in his Huey Gunship and shoots and anything that moves, friend and foe alike.

President Bush, who has been on the defensive since the first Presidential debate, has remained strangely silent on the issue of Kerry’s new Purple Hearts. Representatives of the Bush campaign stated that the President wasn’t going to stoop to sniping on message boards, and that Counter Strike was what real men played anyways.