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Funny story from Reddit

Quote:

I worked for a water damage restoration company for about a year. We would get our jobs from plumbers that would refer us. Plumbers would crawl under houses to fix broken sewage lines, but if there was a ton of raw sewage they couldn't fix anything because they might get electrocuted. This is where I came in. I would suit up and crawl under these houses and clean up the raw sewage.

One job in particular that I had, was really bad. I looked under the house and there was a foot and half deep pool of sewage throughout the whole under part of the house. I suited up (green rubber suit, rubber boots and gloves, goggles, and respirator) headed under for the day. Well I was literally swimming in poop. I could see condoms, tampons, toilet paper, giant Lincoln log turds. The smell was horrible and my respirator didn't help much. I guess the pipes had been broken for a year. So that was a years worth of crap.
Everything was going as well as could be expected until I felt something crawling on my face. Now how the hell am I supposed to get this thing off my face, I am covered in shit except for my face. Well underneath houses in southern California, there tend to be a lot of black widows and brown recluse spiders. Now I have been bitten twice and it was not fun either time.

Ok, I've got this thing crawling on my face and I don't know what the heck I am gonna do. It would take me about 2-3 minutes to crawl out, then another 10-15 minutes just to wash all the crap off of me so I could clear off my face. Alright, I am starting to freak out now. I start shaking my head back and forth like a maniac just trying to shake off what ever is on my face. It crawls off my forehead and onto my goggles. I can see it!!!!! It is a black widow. Ok, that was it. I didn't want to get bit on the face by one of these things so here goes. I went for my goggles and flipped them up, but I wasn't fast enough. The spider had crawled to my respirator. Now with my goggles covered in shi* and floating next to me, I grabbed my respirator and pulled it off my face as fast as I could. Now my head was completely exposed and my goggle and respirator were floating in turds, but the spider was no where to be seen, and I only had a little bit of someone elses crap on my face. Thank God. So I start swimming/crawling toward the access so I can get more protective equipment and some Raid. I was about 15 feet from the exit when my hand slipped in the mud at the bottom of the pool of shit and my head was completely submerged in the crap. Ok, I now I wanted to kill myself. I got it in my mouth, up my nostrils, in my ears and it was dripping off my hair onto my face. I couldn't help it, I started barfing uncontrollably. I finally made it out and was able to wash off in between barfing sessions. I cleaned up, went home and called the office to let them know that I no longer needed employment as I was starting my own internet business. I couldn't go number 2 for like 2 weeks without throwing up. As far as I am concerned, this is the worst job ever. All of this is 100% true and accurate with zero embellishment