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Post your jokes here.
If you have a funny story or even a stupid yo' mama joke, post it here. ~Just don't post anything racist or too obscene~
Well, I'll start this off: In New York City this week, a Virginia couple were arrested for allegedly having sex in St. Patrick's Cathedral. The man and woman were participants in a contest sponsored by radio station WNEW, where couples win prizes for having sex in risky locations. With a station employee on a cell phone giving the play-by-play from the cathedral, WNEW's afternoon shock jocks broadcast a live commentary on the alleged sex act. A spokesman for the Archdiocese of New York called the incident "disgusting." Given recent Church news, I don't know if I'd be so quick to judge. When the media can report two consenting, heterosexual adults having sex in a Catholic church, that's not disgusting - that's progress! I know it's stupid. I didn't come up with it. Maybe you people can think of something better. |
What's gray and has a trunk?
:sneaky: A mouse on vacation! duh duh ding! :D :sneaky: :unsure: |
...Better than mine, I guess. Anyway, here are some goofy state laws that I found:
Alabama: 1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California: 1. Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water. Connecticut: 1. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. 2. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands. Florida: 1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. 2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. 3. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. 4. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. 5. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Illinois: 1. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets. Iowa: 1. Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes. Kentucky: 1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." 2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. Louisiana: 1. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. 2. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault." Massachusetts: 1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. 2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. 3. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. 4. Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts. Nebraska: 1. A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service. New Mexico: 1. Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public. New York: 1. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll. North Dakota: 1. Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant. Ohio: 1. Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. Oklahoma: 1. Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. 2. Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state. 3. Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property. Pennsylvania: 1. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. 2. No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. Rhode Island: 1. It is illegal to throw pickle juice at a trolley. Texas: 1. A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit. 2. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing. Vermont: 1. Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night. Washington: 1. All lollipops are banned. 2. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town. |
A guy walks into a bar. Ow.
........ *shrugs and walks away* |
Your mother is so fat that smaller woman revolve around her.
*shrugs and walks away* |
Where does the principal send kids that lie? To the library.
*shrugs and walks away* |
*reads GameMaster's last post* *shrugs and walks away*
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What do you call sleeping machinery? Bull Dozers
*shrugs and walks away* |
Let's end the *shrugs and walks away* thing now. Okay? Your mother is so fat that she has to put lip stick on with a paint roller. *shrugs and...dances like a banana :banana:*
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be BAGELS!!! :rofl: |
oops I just gave my dog a joint yesterday...damn...
Oh well as long as they dont know about it... |
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What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?
WA-SAAA-BI?? :rofl: |
lol...GM, you are an idiot:rolleyes: :p :D
lol...are those laws for real?!??! they're pretty stupid.. but funny!!!!! :rofl: |
Here's one that I made up (no, really I did) and have told before on these forums. Based on the reception it got, I figure it's worth trying again.
A man returns to his house one day to find his wife in bed with his best friend. He staggers back in shock and exclaims, "Dear God, George, I'm married to the woman, so I have to. But why are you doing it, too?" *shrugs and walks away* |
lol...good one Xanny
... ... *shrugs* ... ... what?...yes im still here!:p ... ... *walks away*:rolleyes: |
Well, Xantar's wasn't half bad (Yeah, it was all bad!). It isn't quite deserving of an lol or an lmao, but it's okay. And, yes, all of those laws are real.
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heres a joke: what do you call a fly with no wings?
a walk!!! okay, I got that from one of those "random question" things in AIM subprofiles... everyone else is doin it, so.... *shrugs and walks away* |
*tries to laugh at Crono's joke* Sorry, I just can't do it.
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What does a Canadian orgasm sound like?
"Eh, Eh, Eh, Eh........B!"....:sneaky: *Nods and stumbles away* |
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:wtf::hmm: |
I, uh...don't get it.
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The the shrugging and walking away! That's my thing!
..... It is.... *shrugs and walks away* *and no one else does* *unless they want to get hurt* *I mean it* *Quit copying me now* *remembers he's already walked away so nobody's paying attention anymore...* *shrugs and walks away... again* |
The *shrugs and walks away* thing is annoying, anyway. You should be glad that there are people who want to copy you.
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isn't it the female that usually moans?:hmm::unsure: |
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wut the hell? Canadian isnt a different form of language, i dont know how we ever got pegged with that "eh" crap anyway, sounds like a cheap excuse for americans to make fun of us "hehe canadians say eh, they must be stupid eh?"
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Well, I know it's a stereo-type, but I've still heard that Canadians say "eh" more often than most...And I'm not trying to diss Canada in any way at all, it just came with the "joke"...I actually think it's pretty sweet that you have little things like that, saying "eh" is pretty cool to me....Go Canada...:sneaky:
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Well...I guess I get it now. It isn't funny, but I guess it's nice that you posted :) Come again later.
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"Amazing, a booby trap that actually traps boobies!"
- Optimus Prime This was from an old episode of Transformers. It's better if you watch I guess but I can't stop laughing! *laughs and walks away* Edit: BTW, I've never heard those Canadian sterotypes... All the sterotypes of Canadians I've seen are the lumberjack things... That's what I think of when I think of Canada... :unsure: |
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I heard Canadians have quick tempers.
Now, onto the joke... A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "You know, we have a drink here named after you." Surprised, the grasshopper replies, "Oh really?_ You have a drink named Duncan?" duh duh ding! :rofl: |
...so then I said "prostitutes?! i thought you said KINDERGARTENERS!!!"
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA what's that? you missed the beginning of the joke? *collapses unconcious* |
Knock-knock...
Who’s there? Gorilla! Gorilla-who? The Gorilla of your dreams! duh duh ding! :rofl: |
What is the most used anti-conception in Belgium (Belgians are DUMB here)?? It's green soap.
You ask how? Well, they put it on the rooftop so the [bird that brings the baby] slips out! :rofl: :sneaky: *shruggs and walks to the GameCube forum* |
Knock knock!
Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Banana you glad I didn't say orange? Wait, I told it wrong. Um...must...think...of...something.......... BANANA!!! :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: |
CNN Late Breaking News!
It has been reported that Osama bin Laden was captured this morning at 4:22 AM Pacific Standard Time by US Special Forces. The prime suspect of the recent terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in New York City, bin Laden was captured at gunpoint as he fled an underground passage in a remote mountainside of southern Afghanistan. Northern Alliance troops, who witnessed the events unfold, explained that moments earlier United States war planes had sprayed liquid Viagra across the southern Afghanistan countryside, and the little prick just popped up! Not funny, I know. I don't come up with these things..... |
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