A Homemade Joke Brought to You by GameMaster

What kills a devil?

A sneeze!

Why?

Because God blesses him!

:rofl:

Very funny Xantar, btw when do play Starcraft?? Or when do you come online?? Oh yeah and my last question is when will you finish the next Zelda chapter??

*inserts his smiley face*------------->:D

Lol there are some real good jokes on this page...

I know a funny one with a police who pulls over a car... let's see if I can find it (not gonna type it).

These are all answerable by the fact that I'm on Fall Break (with no homework due!).

You see, I never play Starcraft while in college because my computer there wouldn't be able to handle it. I'll be on pretty often this week, though. I also hope to get started on the next Zelda chapter now.

We could do a StarCraft tournament this week: I also have vacation!

Okay, I have a joke:

A guy is golfing on a par five. Nobody expected much out of him 'cause he hadn't played golf for ten years. Well he tees off. He swings the club and the balls flies. The guy was amazed. Tiger Wood swould be proud of him! The ball had flown half way across the course, straight down the fairway! Not only that, but the golf ball had landed right on top of an ant hill, effectively teeing the ball without breaking the rules.

The guy thinks to himself, "This is great! I'll hit it again and send it straight to the hole! The best I can do is an eagle, the worst a birdie! And I haven't played for 10 years!"

So the guy gets ready to swing, pulls back, and swings as hard as he can. Unfortuantely, he missed and kills 5000 ants in the process...

The guy thinks, "That's okay. This time I'll hit straight to the hole. The best I can get is a birdie, the worst a par. Not bad for a guy who hasn't played for 10 years!"

Again the guys pulls back ad swings as hard as he can. But he misses again and kills 4998 more ants.

There are only two more ants from that hill. One ant says to the other, "There's only one way we can survive.... Get on the ball!"


:lol:


.....

*cough*


*shrugs and walks away*

there are so many friggin posts here so it's possible you've already seen this joke
too bad:

so there's a chinese guy, a mexican guy, and an american guy on an airplane.
they each decide that when they fly over someones country, one of the two that does not live in that country will throw something they have in abundance in their country out of the plane.... (confused?)

ok for example, they fly over america and the chinese guy throws a bunch of rice out of the airplane (because there is a lot of rice in china)

and then they fly over china and the mexican throws a bunch of drugs out of the airplane

when they fly over mexico, the american grabs the mexican and throws him overboard....

har... har...

i have a feeling i worded that in a confusing way so none of you will understand it

too bad

Well, I've already heard that one before so I understand it... Though I think it was kind of different...

Anyway...

If I hasn't already heard that joke I don't think I would've understood it...

:hmm:


*shrugs and walks away*

A Homemade Joke by GameMaster

What did the gopher say to inspire John Sutter (one of the first gold pioneers)?

Go-pher the gold!

:rofl: :lol:

I've been away for a really long time due to computer troubles, so I figured that since I'm back I would bring this crappy old thread back with me.

Your mother is so large that in order to apply lip stick she must use a paint roller.

Ah, much better.

I hate you.

There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: "Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants."

SL: "It's logical. He wants to rape us."

SM: "Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?"

SL: "The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster."

SM: "...It's not working"

SL: "Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too."

SM: "So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute."

SL: "The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go
this way. He cannot follow us both."

So the man decides to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: "Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!"

SL: "The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he
followed me."

SM: "Yes, yes! But what happened then?"

SL: "The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could."

SM: "And ...?"

SL: "The only logical thing happened. He reached me."

SM: (aghast) "What did you do?"

SL: "The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up."

SM: "Oh, Sister! What did the man do?"

SL: "The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants."

SM: "Oh, no! What happened then?"

SL: "Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down ..."


Hehe.

A little kid gets onto a bus and he starts to talk to his bus driver. He says:

"Hey mister, if my mom was an elephant, and my dad was an elephant, then I would be a baby elephant.":WHOA:

He continues on with all the animals and the bus driver says:

"Say kid. What would you be if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?"

The kid smiles and says:

"A bus driver.":hump:

Yes, and perhaps if your mother is a gay bus driver and your father can barely speak English, you'll become a cab driver. Well here's a dumb "funny" comic thing:



Yeah, that was cute..........

Kill it

You, go away! Leave this instant! No one invited you.

Fine! :mad:

*takes Voo Doo doll*

I should have had my wicker man destroy that stupid voodoo doll years ago. You obviously have no clue as to how it should be used. Aside from that, you are not the least bit skilled in the Black Arts. Only someone such as myself can take full advantage of the doll's true power.

..........Hmm...this is stupid.

So a gay guy walks in to a Bar. He asked a girl where can i find some gay guys?? The girl said right over there. She pointed to the man's restroom. Then he saw a woman in there so he like are you BI and the woman like yeah. Then the gay guy like well me too then they went home togeter and hmm... can't say hmm.. so the next day he woke up and saw that she was a drag so he's like man that girl was right lots olf gays in the man restroom.

please don't ban me for this thank you

Wow, I really couldn't make out most of your post. But after a few unsuccessful reads, I was able to piece most of it together. So a man has sex with another man? How is that a joke? Oh, and don't double post. It upsets people.

Where was the joke in that? :confused: :unsure:

What does the frog waiter always say after someone orders something?

Would you like flies with that?

:rofl:

...

I wish I could hurt you...stupid distance

Ok, here's a joke, maybe you heard it already, but here goes.

Ok, one day a blond girl goes to Future shop and asks the person "Can i buy this T.V"
and the peron says"No"

The next day she goes back, and asks again. And again the person, says"NO"

Again she does this another Time, and Again The person says"No"

Then when she goes again, she asks the same question, which the guy sayss"NO". Then she says "Why can't I buy this T.V"

Then the Person says, "Uh.. Because your looking at a Microwave"
:)

yeah...the blonde joke is old...

This thread keeps coming back to haunt me.

This isn't really a joke... But.

:rofl: nice one shadow link...

i got one...i found this one pretty funny...

Hi,
It had to happen ... ...... Siza (We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get
Chinese food in the Middle East?

Ahhh...a take off on the classic "Who's On First" routine. Pretty good stuff. I'm just glad they didn't start talking about Dick (Cheney, that is).

uh...huh...:wtf: