Battle Royale Part4

[Dylflon]

Knux sits by himself reflecting upon what has happened to him. The cold realization creeps over him that he has taken a life. He recounts to himself what happened in the first 2 hours.

---
Knux is vomiting due to the thoughts of the evens to come. Behind him he hears rustling in the bushes. He looks up to see Jason1 leap at him with a switch blade. Jason1 thrusts the blade forward. It rips through the soft flesh on Knux's right shoulder. Knux picks up his weapon (a shotgun) only to be tackled down by Jason. Stunned Knux fires two shots into the air. Jason goes to stab at him again. Knux kicks him off and fires right into Jason's stomach. Jason stands shocked and bleeding to death.

"Oh my god. Are you okay?", Knux asks.

"Yea...it's nothing. I'm so sorry."

Jason1 falls to the ground dead.

Knux grabs the switch blade and starts running.
---

Knux wipes the sweat from his head and stands up.

"Well...if I want to survive i'll have to kill again."

Knux cocks his shotgun and leaves the forest into the open.

After walking a ways he hears someone shout,

"Stop! Don't move! Turn around slowly."

"Ominub."

"Yea, that's me. I regret to inform that the game is over for you."

Knux quickly swings his shotgun into his hands and fires.

Ominub fires back barely missing Knux. Knux hits ominub with the butt of his gun and knocks him down. As Ominub goes down he shoots into the air. Ominub kicks Knux in the ankle as Knux is about to shoot. His shot goes astray. Knux second shot grazes ominub in the side. He only took a bit of the spray. Ominub puts another bullet in the chamber. Ominub fires and hits Knux in the leg. Knux begins to bleed profusely. Knux starts to go into shock. Knux fires his last shot into ominub's stomach. They both fall to the ground dying.

Ominub whispers, "Looks like this is the end."

His eyes begin to roll back in his head. Ominub takes his last breath before he stops moving entirely.

Knux lays on his back staring up at the sky. The sun is rising now. It casts rays of reds and yellows and pinks across the sky's canvas. Knux is overwhelmed by it's beauty. Everything starts to get dark.

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Dyne and Ginkasa moves towards the mountains. Dyne had gotten lucky. His weapon is an uzi. Ginkasa has a survival knife. Dyne hadn't come across any hostility yet and he hoped that remained the case.

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Hero2 sits in the bushes waiting for someone to come by. Just as he was about to give up and start moving he sees Joeiss emerge from the trees. Hero2 loads his crossbow and fires. Joeiss hears the arrow tear through the air and turns to see an arrow zoom by his face.

Joeiss reaches into his pocket for a grenade. He pulls the pin and throws it. Hero2 scrambles away and the explosion spits up dirt and earth everywhere. Hero2 loads the crossbow again and fires. The arrow hits Joeiss through his mouth and out the back of his head. This isn't the first time Hero2 had gotten lucky like this. When Mechadragon had shot at him in the first round Hero2 got Mechadragon right in the forehead. Hero2 sighs and figures he's just lucky. He takes everything off of Joeiss worth taking. As he stands up he sees GameMaster move into the clearing. Hero2 loads his crossbow and takes a shot. It was a terrible miss. GameMaster's eyes widen, he runs at Hero2 holding a sharpened stick. Hero2 loads and takes another shot. The arrow pierces GameMaster's stomach but this doesn't slow his pace any. GameMaster thrusts at Hero2 with the stick. Hero grabs GameMaster's wrist and they both fall down one on top of the other. GameMaster tries to force the stick down on Hero2's neck. Hero holds his wrist with one hand and with the other pulls the handgun he stole from Mechadragon out of his pocket. He fires a bullet into GameMaster's heart.

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[Dylflon]

See! The event s of the first two hours are explained in this chapter. You just needed patience.

[Ginkasa]

It would have been bettern if you hadn't listed it then. You should have just not told us anything about it and waited until you wrote it in this chapter.


*shrugs and walks away*

[Dylflon]

You still would have known in the 3rd chapter when the japanese man said who had died.

[Mechadragon]

How does a guy with a handgun lose to a guy with a bow? Damn your 20 sided dice!

[Ginkasa]

I don't think you should have done that either. You say you want to add mystery and suspense, but telling us who has died, whether you directly telling us or a character in the story telling us, takes most, if not all, of that suspense out.

It is much more suspenseful to watch a singal character wander through a dense jungle, clutching some poor weapon, nervously looking around for any movment, any sign of an attacker. He doesn't know who's still alive, who is near him, or anything.

That would be much better than, first, knowing all the characters who are alive or dead, and second, writing a scene like that only with much less build-up or suspense.


*shrugs and walks away*

[Joeiss]

****, I'm dead.

[Dylflon]

I don't think you should have done that either. You say you want to add mystery and suspense, but telling us who has died, whether you directly telling us or a character in the story telling us, takes most, if not all, of that suspense out.

It is much more suspenseful to watch a singal character wander through a dense jungle, clutching some poor weapon, nervously looking around for any movment, any sign of an attacker. He doesn't know who's still alive, who is near him, or anything.

That would be much better than, first, knowing all the characters who are alive or dead, and second, writing a scene like that only with much less build-up or suspense.


*shrugs and walks away*

You don't know what you want. Your first complaint was you didn't know how everyone had died.

[Dylflon]

How does a guy with a handgun lose to a guy with a bow? Damn your 20 sided dice!

That didn't have to do with dice. You were just unlucky to encounter one of the major antagonist characters. Bwahaaha.

[GameMaster]

And I am now one of the Undead! I will walk the Earth serving the Dark Lord forever!

[ominub]

i ****ing die son of a bitch that ****ing sucks

[Dylflon]

i ****ing die son of a bitch that ****ing sucks

Uh...don't take it personally.

[ominub]

i already broke a few games because of my anger

[Dylflon]

i already broke a few games because of my anger

I hope you're joking.

[ominub]

no im not

[Happydude]

haha...joeiss is dead :D

[Dyne]

Good god, man.. I got an Uzi. :D

[nWoCHRISnWo]

If you're using much of what happened on the movie, I can tell who's gonna win already, and it would also mean Bluefire and TheGame are lovers. Ha...

[Dylflon]

If you're using much of what happened on the movie, I can tell who's gonna win already, and it would also mean Bluefire and TheGame are lovers. Ha...

You wish.

[Hero2]

no im not
And hes probly not kidding. if hes mad enough hes taken out some small animals and, if hes really pissed, hes on his way to your house now

[Dylflon]

That's sad if he really did get mad.

Sad :distress:

[Ginkasa]

You don't know what you want. Your first complaint was you didn't know how everyone had died.


No, I was complaining that you told us all of the deaths in a list, but didn't tell us what happened. If you wanted us to know, at that point, who had died and who had not, you should have written it in the story instead of giving us a list. That's tons of story-telling that's wasted.

But then you were saying that you were wanting to add suspense by telling us who had died, but not telling us how they died. I was saying that you could add more suspense by not telling us everyone who had died and who's still out there hunting.

I'm not trying to tell you each little thing you should do with this. This si your story and you should write it how you want. I'm just trying to help you do that better.

I'm trying to give advice on how to improve, not demands to make this like I want.


*shrugs and walks away*

[Dylflon]

I'm running in circles trying to make you people happy. What do you want from me?

[Ace195]

And hes probly not kidding. if hes mad enough hes taken out some small animals and, if hes really pissed, hes on his way to your house now

.... :guitar:

[Vampyr]

*twidles his thumbs waiting for part 5*

[Dylflon]

Oh....sorry. I'll get right on that.

I've been really busy the last 2 days.

On Friday I went to see R.E.M.

great concert.

And yesterday I was having the last party before school starts. We played Soul Calibur 2 and F-ZeroGX. woo!

[Ace195]

I'm running in circles trying to make you people happy. What do you want from me?

Hmm.. Death has crossed my mind quite a few times but eh what ever you want to give. Donations ect :)

[Vampyr]

Oh....sorry. I'll get right on that.

I've been really busy the last 2 days.

On Friday I went to see R.E.M.

great concert.

And yesterday I was having the last party before school starts. We played Soul Calibur 2 and F-ZeroGX. woo!

Before school starts....I remember when I used to enjoy that. Glad you had fun though! Dont worry to much about finishing, just make sure its as good as the ones youve been writing. Its interesting stuff.

[Dylflon]

Part 5 is a little on the short side.

But knowing I have a public to please, I'll try to make Part 6 twice as long.