post your favorite jokes, sayings, anything thats funny here

[Jewels]

post anything funny here....


heres a joke...

I had this near death experience the other day while riding a horse, all of a sudden the horse sped up and went all out of control going faster without slowing or stopping, and before i knew it i was threw from the saddle and my foot was caught in the sturnup, as the horse kept going faster my head was being banged against the ground, as the conciousness came and went, i was just about to give up hope, when the wal-mart manager came over and unplugged the horse.

Thank-god for HEROES!!!!!!!!!!

[Ice006]

I thought we had at least 2 other topics in recent use just like this...

[GameMaster]

A couple just got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left.

When she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in fornt of the clerk. He noticed that she didn't have any screws for it, so he asked her ''Do you want a screw for that hinge?''

She looked back at him and said ''No, but I'll blow you for that toaster in the window.''

Duh-duh-ding! :D

[Angrist]

I want to die sleeping like my grandpa, not screaming like his passengers

[Angrist]

Classic one:

http://www.funnyjunk.com/pic/0167.jpg

[GameMaster]

What do you call a hamburger that steals?

A Hamburglar!

:rofl:

[bobcat]

Originally posted by GameMaster
What do you call a hamburger that steals?

A Hamburglar!

:rofl:
:unsure:

;)

[fingersman]

Ok I think it's time for one of my jokes..before Gamemaster starts to tell us his corny jokes :unsure:

NOw to get this joke you have to know something about us Bajans....we by nature are passive people (sometimes)...however when a situation occurs where we can take advantage of it....most of the times we do. Like in the case below for instance



There were three men from the Caribbean living together in
London (a Trinidadian, a Jamaican and a Barbadian) who were
all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.

One day they came upon a posh restaurant they came up with
a plan. The Trinidadian went in first. After being seated he
ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had
finished the meal the waiter came by with the cheque. "But I
paid you!" the Trinidadian shouted.

The waiter was very confused. He couldn't remember being paid,
but as he did not want to cause any trouble...he let the Trini leave.

Five minutes later the Jamaican walked into the restaurant and
ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished
eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for food.
"I already paid you, sir," the Jamaican shouted. This time the
manager came and had to calm down the Jamaican. Not wanting
to upset the other customers he let the Jamaican go.

Ten minutes later the Bajan walked in, sat down, lit a cigarette,
and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu plus two Banks beers. ( our local beer)

After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money
for the meal and before asking for it, the waiter said, "Sir... I
have been having a sort of problem all day and I can't understand it.
Other people like you came in earlier and ate and they said that theypaid me but I don't remember getting any money from them,
so........"

Before he could finish, the Bajan chimed in loudly, "Looka! I ain't want to hear no $hite... just gimme muh r@$$hole change!"

BLAM.heheheheh :D

[GameMaster]

Good one fingersman :D

[Ice006]

Rasshole change? WTF? I think it was supposed to be "change @sshole", but that's just me... maybe I'm missing something.

[Angrist]

I don't think I get it either...

[GameMaster]

What did one volcano say to the other?

I'm so angry, I could erupt!

du-duh-ding! :rofl:

[fingersman]

Originally posted by Ice006
Rasshole change? WTF? I think it was supposed to be "change @sshole", but that's just me... maybe I'm missing something.

LOL ...well it's my dialect so I wouldn't expect you to understand..in fact I had to change it up drastically before i could post what he said...otherwise no one would understand what he said.

[Xantar]

You'd have to know our veteran forum members to understand this one. I don't even know if it's very funny, but it's another of those jokes that I actually made up instead of hearing from somewhere.

According to legend, Davy Crockett had quite a grin. He could grin so hard, in fact, that he once grinned the bark right off a tree.

I hereby proclaim that Davy Crockett must have been fingersman.

[GameMaster]

I know fingersman but I'm confused by your use of the word grin. :confused:

[Angrist]

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Does that say anything to you?

[GameMaster]

Yes Angrist, I know what a grin is but how can you grin something? Forget it. This joke is over my head. Maybe in a couple years.

[Xantar]

Don't take it so literally. Davey Crockett grinning the bark off a tree is a tall tale. A myth. Asking how he grinned the bark off a tree is like asking how Hercules diverted two rivers to wash the Aegean stables.