Post your jokes here.

[Doctor Zhivago]

If you have a funny story or even a stupid yo' mama joke, post it here. ~Just don't post anything racist or too obscene~

Well, I'll start this off:

In New York City this week, a Virginia couple were arrested for allegedly having sex in St. Patrick's Cathedral. The man and woman were participants in a contest sponsored by radio station WNEW, where couples win prizes for having sex in risky locations. With a station employee on a cell phone giving the play-by-play from the cathedral, WNEW's afternoon shock jocks broadcast a live commentary on the alleged sex act.
A spokesman for the Archdiocese of New York called the incident "disgusting."

Given recent Church news, I don't know if I'd be so quick to judge. When the media can report two consenting, heterosexual adults having sex in a Catholic church, that's not disgusting - that's progress!

I know it's stupid. I didn't come up with it. Maybe you people can think of something better.

[GameMaster]

What's gray and has a trunk?


:sneaky:


A mouse on vacation! duh duh ding! :D :sneaky: :unsure:

[Doctor Zhivago]

...Better than mine, I guess. Anyway, here are some goofy state laws that I found:

Alabama: 1. It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

California: 1. Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

Connecticut: 1. You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. 2. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands.

Florida: 1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. 2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. 3. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. 4. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. 5. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

Illinois: 1. It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

Iowa: 1. Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes.

Kentucky: 1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." 2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.

Louisiana: 1. It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. 2. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."

Massachusetts: 1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. 2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. 3. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. 4. Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

Nebraska: 1. A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.

New Mexico: 1. Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.

New York: 1. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

North Dakota: 1. Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.

Ohio: 1. Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

Oklahoma: 1. Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. 2. Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state. 3. Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

Pennsylvania: 1. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. 2. No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.

Rhode Island: 1. It is illegal to throw pickle juice at a trolley.

Texas: 1. A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit. 2. It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

Vermont: 1. Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week -- on Saturday night.

Washington: 1. All lollipops are banned. 2. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.

[Ginkasa]

A guy walks into a bar. Ow.



........

*shrugs and walks away*

[Doctor Zhivago]

Your mother is so fat that smaller woman revolve around her.

*shrugs and walks away*

[GameMaster]

Where does the principal send kids that lie? To the library.

*shrugs and walks away*

[Doctor Zhivago]

*reads GameMaster's last post* *shrugs and walks away*

[GameMaster]

What do you call sleeping machinery? Bull Dozers

*shrugs and walks away*

[Doctor Zhivago]

Let's end the *shrugs and walks away* thing now. Okay? Your mother is so fat that she has to put lip stick on with a paint roller. *shrugs and...dances like a banana :banana:*

[GameMaster]

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be BAGELS!!!

:rofl:

[Jason1]

oops I just gave my dog a joint yesterday...damn...

Oh well as long as they dont know about it...

[Drunk Hobbit]

New York: 1. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

The blinders can be on the annoying side but are actually quite comfy.

[GameMaster]

What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?

WA-SAAA-BI??

:rofl:

[Happydude]

lol...GM, you are an idiot:rolleyes: :p :D



lol...are those laws for real?!??! they're pretty stupid..

but funny!!!!!

:rofl:

[Xantar]

Here's one that I made up (no, really I did) and have told before on these forums. Based on the reception it got, I figure it's worth trying again.

A man returns to his house one day to find his wife in bed with his best friend. He staggers back in shock and exclaims, "Dear God, George, I'm married to the woman, so I have to. But why are you doing it, too?"

*shrugs and walks away*

[Happydude]

lol...good one Xanny

...

...

*shrugs*

...

...

what?...yes im still here!:p

...

...

*walks away*:rolleyes:

[Doctor Zhivago]

Well, Xantar's wasn't half bad (Yeah, it was all bad!). It isn't quite deserving of an lol or an lmao, but it's okay. And, yes, all of those laws are real.

[Crono]

heres a joke: what do you call a fly with no wings?

a walk!!!


okay, I got that from one of those "random question" things in AIM subprofiles...


everyone else is doin it, so.... *shrugs and walks away*

[Doctor Zhivago]

*tries to laugh at Crono's joke* Sorry, I just can't do it.

[The Germanator]

What does a Canadian orgasm sound like?
"Eh, Eh, Eh, Eh........B!"....:sneaky:
*Nods and stumbles away*

[Happydude]

Originally posted by The Germanator
What does a Canadian orgasm sound like?
"Eh, Eh, Eh, Eh........B!"....:sneaky:
*Nods and stumbles away*


:wtf::hmm:

[Doctor Zhivago]

I, uh...don't get it.

[Ginkasa]

The the shrugging and walking away! That's my thing!


.....


It is....




*shrugs and walks away*

*and no one else does*

*unless they want to get hurt*

*I mean it*

*Quit copying me now*

*remembers he's already walked away so nobody's paying attention anymore...*

*shrugs and walks away... again*

[Doctor Zhivago]

The *shrugs and walks away* thing is annoying, anyway. You should be glad that there are people who want to copy you.

[The Germanator]

Originally posted by FreakyBob
I, uh...don't get it.

Ya know how "eh" in Canadia sounds like "A"? So, like as he's going along he goes "Eh, eh, eh, eh...then as he climaxes he says "B!"....because it's the next letter in the alphabet, get it...? :unsure: *cries*

[Happydude]

Originally posted by The Germanator
Ya know how "eh" in Canadia sounds like "A"? So, like as he's going along he goes "Eh, eh, eh, eh...then as he climaxes he says "B!"....because it's the next letter in the alphabet, get it...? :unsure: *cries*


isn't it the female that usually moans?:hmm::unsure:

[The Germanator]

Originally posted by happydude666
isn't it the female that usually moans?:hmm::unsure:

Whatever, it doesn't matter...both male and females have orgasms and males moan or grunt sometimes I guess...uhh, I can't believe I just said that.

[DarkMaster]

wut the hell? Canadian isnt a different form of language, i dont know how we ever got pegged with that "eh" crap anyway, sounds like a cheap excuse for americans to make fun of us "hehe canadians say eh, they must be stupid eh?"

[The Germanator]

Well, I know it's a stereo-type, but I've still heard that Canadians say "eh" more often than most...And I'm not trying to diss Canada in any way at all, it just came with the "joke"...I actually think it's pretty sweet that you have little things like that, saying "eh" is pretty cool to me....Go Canada...:sneaky:

[Doctor Zhivago]

Well...I guess I get it now. It isn't funny, but I guess it's nice that you posted :) Come again later.

[DarkMaster]

Originally posted by The Germanator
Well, I know it's a stereo-type, but I've still heard that Canadians say "eh" more often than most...
you heard wrong, we dont say "eh" a lot, we would say the same damn things if we were born and raised in America. and another thing, wuts all this crap about canadians saying sh*t like "be gosh gee golly!!! that was a doosy!! eh!!!" and we arent that far north god damn it (well maybe those eskimos are, but who cares about them?). and no, i dont give a rat's ass about beavers, they can rot in hell for all i care! and i've never even been in a igloo!!! i dont know where people came up with these stupid ass stereo-types. and dont worry Germanator, i dont take any offense.

[Ginkasa]

"Amazing, a booby trap that actually traps boobies!"
- Optimus Prime


This was from an old episode of Transformers. It's better if you watch I guess but I can't stop laughing!



*laughs and walks away*


Edit: BTW, I've never heard those Canadian sterotypes... All the sterotypes of Canadians I've seen are the lumberjack things... That's what I think of when I think of Canada... :unsure:

[DarkMaster]

Originally posted by Ginkasa
All the sterotypes of Canadians I've seen are the lumberjack things... That's what I think of when I think of Canada... :unsure:
wut in the hell!?!?! lumberjack!?!?!?!? arrrrggghhh :mad: god damn

[The Germanator]

Originally posted by DarkMaster
you heard wrong, we dont say "eh" a lot, we would say the same damn things if we were born and raised in America. and another thing, wuts all this crap about canadians saying sh*t like "be gosh gee golly!!! that was a doosy!! eh!!!" and we arent that far north god damn it (well maybe those eskimos are, but who cares about them?). and no, i dont give a rat's ass about beavers, they can rot in hell for all i care! and i've never even been in a igloo!!! i dont know where people came up with these stupid ass stereo-types. and dont worry Germanator, i dont take any offense.

Well, the main reason I believed the stereo-type is because I was in Canada in June and like 2 of the immigration people said "eh" a couple times each while I was talking to them, so maybe that was just a fluke, but, people say it, that's all I'm saying...

[GameMaster]

I heard Canadians have quick tempers.

Now, onto the joke...

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "You know, we have a drink here named after you." Surprised, the grasshopper replies, "Oh really?_ You have a drink named Duncan?" duh duh ding!

:rofl:

[drolldurham]

...so then I said "prostitutes?! i thought you said KINDERGARTENERS!!!"
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

what's that?
you missed the beginning of the joke?

*collapses unconcious*

[GameMaster]

Knock-knock...

Who’s there?

Gorilla!

Gorilla-who?

The Gorilla of your dreams!

duh duh ding! :rofl:

[Angrist]

What is the most used anti-conception in Belgium (Belgians are DUMB here)?? It's green soap.

You ask how? Well, they put it on the rooftop so the [bird that brings the baby] slips out! :rofl:

:sneaky:
*shruggs and walks to the GameCube forum*

[Doctor Zhivago]

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Banana you glad I didn't say orange?


Wait, I told it wrong. Um...must...think...of...something..........
BANANA!!!

:banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:

[Doctor Zhivago]

CNN Late Breaking News!

It has been reported that Osama bin Laden was captured this morning at 4:22 AM Pacific Standard Time by US Special Forces.

The prime suspect of the recent terrorist attack on the World Trade Center in New York City, bin Laden was captured at gunpoint as he fled an underground passage in a remote mountainside of southern Afghanistan.

Northern Alliance troops, who witnessed the events unfold, explained that moments earlier United States war planes had sprayed liquid Viagra across the southern Afghanistan countryside, and the little prick just popped up!


Not funny, I know. I don't come up with these things.....

[Doctor Zhivago]

Yeah, I know that this one isn't funny and is also dated as it is the year 2002. So sue me, you ass clown. Like I've said before, I don't come up with these. Anyway, here it goes:

This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. known as:

"Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).

Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS.

We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.

Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS.

Last week my secretary said to me, "I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before." I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.

There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS.

This database will encompass all information associated with the business. As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, "here, stick this in MYASS."

[BlueFire]

I'm going to hurt all of you.



That's not a joke. ;)

[Doctor Zhivago]

The height of...


Height of Patience:
A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree.

Height of Frustration:
A boxer trying to scratch his balls.

Height of Innocence:
A teenage girl applying Clearasil to her nipples.

Height of Laziness:
A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.

Height of Competition:
A guy peeing beside a waterfall.

Height of Sophistication:
Sucking nipples with a straw.

Height of Disgust:
While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.

Height of Technology:
A condom with a zip.

Height of Trouble:
A one-handed man with an itchy ass hanging from a cliff.



I know, I know. It's disgusting and un-funny. Well, you come up with something.

[GameMaster]

What's the difference between an elephant and a cookie?
____________
You can't dip an elephant in your milk!

duh duh ding! :rofl:

[DarkMaster]

wuts the difference between a pineapple and a penguin?

i dunno...

[BlueFire]

Originally posted by DarkMaster
wuts the difference between a pineapple and a penguin?

i dunno... A penguin isn't the product of a tree, unless I have been horribly mistakened. :hmm:

[Doctor Zhivago]

Actually, elephants can be dipped in milk. You'd just have to have a rather large glass. And there are several differences between elephants and cookies, not just one. I'd say that the most important of these is that an elephant is a living creature and a cookie is a snack.

[Perfect Stu]

You guys have a worse chance at posting a good joke than a one legged midget does at winning an ass-kicking contest...

:sneaky:

:rofl: :lol: :rofl:

[GameMaster]

What kind of ants are the biggest?

Giants!

:rofl:

[quiet mike]

Do You know The Hight of Patience?
Counting your hair with a boxing glove on

Do You KNow The Hight of Football?
Scoring a goal and miss at the replay.

Do You Know The Hight of Athletics?
Runing by yourself and finishing second.

Do You Know The Hight of Hights?
It would be too much to know this one too.

:( :( :confused:

IT doesen't sound as good as in Romanian.

[BlueFire]

Originally posted by GameMaster
What kind of ants are the biggest?

Giants!

:rofl: I'm going to hurt you.

[Doctor Zhivago]

BLueFire threatens us too much. I say we kill him.....

[DarkMaster]

Originally posted by BLueFire
A penguin isn't the product of a tree, unless I have been horribly mistakened. :hmm:
that may very well be...but answer me this!! if i had 3 apples and ate 7 how many apples would i have left?

[Perfect Stu]

this thread makes me sad, in an angry sort of way

:hmm:

[Happydude]

darkmaster...lol...you would have -4 apples...you figure it out!:rolleyes:

[Doctor Zhivago]

Atlanta School Board

The Atlanta School Board, feeling left out by the fuss over Ebonics, has decided to designate Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. Here are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:

HEIDI -- noun. Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi. Hire yew."

BARD -- verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH -- noun. A state just north of Florida. Capital is Hot-lanta.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS -- noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

IGNERT -- adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH -- noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL -- noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR -- noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS -- noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to
work (or studying), your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR -- noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE -- noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD -- Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

TARRED -- adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."

FAT -- noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or
combat.

ARE -- pronoun. Possessive case of we used as a predicate adjective.

RATS -- noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

FARN -- adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn
country."

DID -- adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR -- noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA).
Usage: "He cain't breath ... give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR -- noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE -- Noun and verb contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE -- a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah... haze ignert."

SEED -- verb, past tense.

VIEW -- contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"

[The Germanator]

LOL!!! IT"S FUNY CUZ LIKE, THATS HOW TEHY AND SOUND STUF!!1 ROFLMAO...:lol:

:sneaky:

[GameMaster]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Boo.

Boo who?

Don't cry man, it was only a joke.

:rofl: :lol:

[Doctor Zhivago]

......um, right. Well, thanks for posting.....

[BlueFire]

Originally posted by GameMaster
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Boo.

Boo who?

Don't cry man, it was only a joke.

:rofl: :lol: *loads the pistol*

[Professor S]

A man walks into a psychiatrists office screaming "I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee!!!"

The doctor says: "Sit down and relax, you're two traditional forms of Native American shelter native to the mid-west and north east."

GET IT????

AHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHHAAAAAA!!!!

*cough*

[Perfect Stu]

in response to the Stangler's joke...

[ClownofDespair]

Sixty-one posts and not a single good joke.

[BlueFire]

What the hell were you expecting here?


:p

[Doctor Zhivago]

A very fat woman got on a crowded bus. She stood in the aisle, looked around, and loudly complained, "Isn't anybody going to give me a seat?"

A thin man stood up and said, "I'll be glad to make a contribution."


Hey, at least it's a nice, clean joke, right. :)

[Doctor Zhivago]

Here are a few Woody Allen quotes that I found. These are actually pretty funny (Well, he is Woody Allen, after all).


"Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman."

"A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to sleep with me and she said "no"."

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy."

"My brain - it's my second favorite organ."

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's a pretty good empty experience."

"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone you
love."


Gotta love Woody Allen.

[Ginkasa]

I was watching AFV and a monkey stuck his finger up his butt and sniffed it. He then fainted!


:rofl:

:unsure:

*shrgs and walks away*

[Doctor Zhivago]

What is AFV?

[Ginkasa]

America's Funniest Videos... or maybe it's Home Videos.... whatever...


*shrugs and walks away*

[Bojangles]

The Woody Allen thing was actually pretty funny.

[Perfect Stu]

Originally posted by Bojangles
The Woody Allen thing was actually pretty funny.

I don't think so...

but his new show "8 Rules for dating my own teenage daughter" is hilarious :lol:

:sneaky:

[Doctor Zhivago]

Not funny, Stu. No one, and I ****ing mean no one makes fun of Woody Allen. *shoves PerfectStu's head in toilet and flushes*

[Perfect Stu]

Originally posted by FreakyBob
Not funny, Stu. No one, and I ****ing mean no one makes fun of Woody Allen.

Woody Allen is a perverted piece of sewage waste. He's ugly, stupid, definately not funny, and I would like to play basketball with his peanut-like head...

:nya:

[BlueFire]

Umm..


The Chinese hope to have a man on the moon by the year 2005 (keep in mind they aren't 'advanced' like we are.). Their recent project was sending a dog, cat, monkey, bird, and two snails into space . Or as the Chinese like to call it, a number 36 with fries.


*runs away*

[Professor S]

Wether or not you like Woody Allen or not as a person, he is pretty much one of the funniest people alive. He may be a pervert, but he is one damn funny pervert.

[Doctor Zhivago]

I don't think that he's perverted at all. He's just a morally bankrupt man (Kinda like me...without the man part, I guess.). And, yeah, he is one of the funniest people alive.

EDIT: Why all this talk about Allen, anyway? This isn't the official Woody Allen thread, you know, it's just a fun thread where we post bad jokes to annoy BLueFire.

[Ginkasa]

I've always ordered beverages one simple way: "A Coke, please."

Lately, though, this hasn't seemed to work. Waitresses now often respond, "I'm sorry, we don't have Coke. We have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Mr. Pibb."

Tired of listening to the long list of soft drinks, I thought I'd make life easier. So one day I simply asked the snack bar clerk at a movie theater for a "dark, carbonated beverage."

The young man behind the counter chuckled and asked, "Sir, would you like a cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?"




..... There's a joke... Be happy....

*shrugs and walks away*

[Doctor Zhivago]

...was...that...a...joke?

Well, if it makes BLueFire angry, it's fine with me.

[BlueFire]

Originally posted by FreakyBob
I don't think that he's perverted at all. He's just a morally bankrupt man (Kinda like me...without the man part, I guess.). And, yeah, he is one of the funniest people alive.

EDIT: Why all this talk about Allen, anyway? This isn't the official Woody Allen thread, you know, it's just a fun thread where we post bad jokes to annoy BLueFire. Die.

[Perfect Stu]

Originally posted by The Strangler
Wether or not you like Woody Allen or not as a person, he is pretty much one of the funniest people alive. He may be a pervert, but he is one damn funny pervert.

actually, I don't think he's funny at all.

:|

[BreakABone]

A man went to a French restaurant. The menu was in French and
he spoke no French. When the waiter asked his choice, he told
the waiter to bring out the restaurant's specialty.

The man had a truly fantastic meal. The waiter asked if the man
wanted dessert. He responded that the waiter should bring out
the restaurant's specialty.

The waiter said that was the peach poosay, and he would order
it for him. A waitress came out with a covered silver platter.
She took the cover off and there was a peach that had been
quartered and pitted. The waitress proceeded to raise her
skirt and take a piece of the peach and push it in and out
of her vagina. She picked up the rest of the pieces and did
the same.

The man called the waiter over an asked, "Am I actually
expected to eat the peach after that?"

The waiter responded, "Why, no, Monsieur. You eat the poosay."

[Doctor Zhivago]

I don't know why, but that last joke actually made me smile :) Perhaps I'm getting more and more immature by the second :unsure: And please don't kill me, BLueFire. I don't post bad jokes to upset you; Your reactions simply work as a kind of bonus. By the way, Stu, why don't you like Woody Allen? I admit that his newer films aren't very funny, but almost all of the movies that he directed in the 70s and 80s were hilarious.

*shrugs and eats poosay*

[Perfect Stu]

different people, different tastes...

George Carlin made me crack up...

[GameMaster]

Jim Carrey, now there's a funny man.

[The Germanator]

Norm McDonald is a funny ****...

[GameMaster]

Incoming bad joke

A man is in line in at bank. All of a sudden, he feels a poke at his back followed by a raspy whisper, "This isn't a stick-up. I'm just a tall man who's just finished watching a half hour of Richard Simmons.

BlueFire, please don't shoot me!

Dun-dun-ding! :rofl:

I learned that one today :D

[One Winged Angel]

I got one!!!!

Why did Bluefire cross the road?

Because he wanted to get to the gay bar on the other side!!!

[Cyrax9]

I probably have this on here already but here's one:


A little old Guy goes to a Diner for breakfast each morning, one day his "usual" etaery is closed, so he decixdes to trry another which is a Bar by nightnad a Diner by day, he wlaks into the Building pulls up a Bar Stool and looks at the Breakfast Menu. The Bartender/Waiter for the Bar/Resturant says "What'll it be?", the little old man says "I'll have a Dougnut and Coffe" and proceeds to pull out a newspaper. The Barttnerder brings him is Dougnut and Coffe and the old man pays the Resturant owner and gives him a large tip. Just then a Large man in his 20's walks in, the bartender/Resturant owner turns around and shakes his head, the little man does not notice the large mand and thinks he's upset the owner. The large man shouts "YOU'RE IN MY SEAT!", startled the little man turns around and stutters "wha-what do you mean your seat, there are 8 other bar stools in here." The Bartender looks at the little guy and says "Just move", the little man is about to move when the bartender/owner turns arou nd and hears "CRASH! BAM!", the little guy s on the floor out cold, and the big guy says "When HE wakes up, tell him that's Karate from Korea!"

The Next day the little man goes back to the diner and orders the same thing, he pulls out his newspaper, and begins to read, this time being sure to sit on the far left of the Bar area. He's siping his coffe and enjoying his dougnut when the Bartender turns around and ducks as the Large amn enters and walks up to the small amn "YOU'RE IN MYSEAT!" the large man screams. The Little man is now extremly scarfed and replies "But I though that seat in the middle was your seat, I'm confu..." the little man is cut off and the Bartender again hear's "CRASH! BAM!", the bartender gets up and the Large 20-something guy says "WHEN HE WAKES UP, TELL HIM THAT'S JUDO FROM JAPAN!!", the Large man then eats the small mans meal and walks out.

The third day, the small man goes back tothe resturant with one last hope, this time he sits to the far right of the bar, he orders his stader meal and pulls out his newspaper, the Bartender/Resturant owner apologizes for the Lareg Man's acts, the little man shrugs it off and says "It was nothing", and starts siupping his coffee eating his dougnut and minding his own buisness, the Large Man walks in and the bartender ducks down and mutters "not again..", just then the large man walks over to the little old man adn says "YOU'RE IN MY SEAT!!" the little man now fed up with the large young man says "OK, NOW i'M CONFUSED! Yeasterday the seat all the way on the left was yours, the day before it was the middle seat, DO YOU OPWN ALL THE SEAST IN HERE!?!", the bartender/owner shudders and mutters "what is this guy thinking", just then he heard "THUD!", He gets up from hiding behind the bar area and is shcoked to see the little man still standing! The little man says to the bartender "WHEN HE WAKES UP, TELL HIM THAT'S A SLEDGEHAMMER FROM SEARS!!"

----------An thus, justice is served to the large bully--------------------


Here's another one:

There are three men in a mental institution, Mr. Green, Mr. Gray, and Mr. White. They have all been there for several years but the doctor wants to "test" them to see if he can let them out.

He calls Mr. Green in first:

Doctor: Mr. Green you've done amazing here and I think we can let you out but I need to ask you three questiosn before you can leave, will you answer them?

Mr. Green: Yes, of course.

Doctor: On what side of the road do you pass a moving vehical in the USA?

Mr. Green: You pass on the right.

Doctor: Sorry Mr. Green, we can't let you out.

Upset,. Mr. Green leaves te Dotocr's office and the Doctor calls in Mr. Gray.

Doctor: Mr. Gray you've done amazing here and I think we can let you out but I need to ask you three questiosn before you can leave, will you answer them?

Mr. Gray: Absolutely!

Doctor: On what side of the road do you pass a car in the USA?

Mr. Gray: The left side.

Doctor: Good Mr. Gray, next question: what color is an orange?

Mr. Gray: Purple.

Doctor: Sorry Mr. Gray, we can't let you out.

Mr. Gray leaves the office in a depressed state, te doctor is also feelign hopless and calls in Mr. White...

Doctor: Mr. White you've done amazing here and I think we can let you out but I need to ask you three questiosn before you can leave, will you answer them?

Mr. White: Of Course I'll answer them doctor.

Doctor: On what side of the road do you pass a car in the USA?

Mr. White: You pass on the left.

Doctor: Excellent Mr. White! Here's your next question, What color is an orange?

Mr. White: Oh Doctor, that's an easy one, and orange is orange.

Doctor: Excellent Mr. White! Here is your Thurd and final question, what is my job?

The doctor smiles in a happy mood awaiting an answer...

Mr. White: Well Doctor, you're a Doctor, with a PhD.

The Doctor is amazed!

Doctor: Mr. White you are free to go!

As Mr. White leaves the institution, past the doctor's office, a Depressed Mr. Green and Mr. Gray ask him:

Mr. Green: How'd ya do it?

Mr. Gray: Yeah, How'd you get out?

Mr. White looks at Mr. Green and Mr. Gray points to his head next to his ears and says...

Mr. White: I used my Kidney!

Mr. White then leaves the institution.

-----------And thus another dummy joins "normal" society-------------

[Angrist]

ehm... Kidney?? :confused: Oh wait, now I'll be bashed for not knowing what a Kidney is... :unsure:
I know that it's an organ, but that's not with a capital K... and the joke doesn't make much sense if it is what I would think it is... or isn't it supposed to make sense??

[Shadow_Link]

Originally posted by Angrist
ehm... Kidney?? :confused: Oh wait, now I'll be bashed for not knowing what a Kidney is... :unsure:
I know that it's an organ, but that's not with a capital K... and the joke doesn't make much sense if it is what I would think it is... or isn't it supposed to make sense??

Angrist, the guy was just released from a mental institute by answering three simple questions. Yet, when the others asked him how he got out, he pointed to his head and said he used his 'kidney'...

[BlueFire]

Originally posted by One Winged Angel
I got one!!!!

Why did Bluefire cross the road?

Because he wanted to get to the gay bar on the other side!!! I'm going to send your remains to your mom. :D

[Doctor Zhivago]

Don't listen to him, BLueFire. We all know that you just crossed the street to purchase some gay (yet tasteful) pornography. *slaps One Winged Angel* Get yer facts straight, kid!

[Xantar]

You know, I see an awful lot of people who seem fixated on calling other people gay. I have to wonder about them, sometimes...

So anyways, a true story for you all. Nobel Prize winning physicist Richard Feynman used to eat lunch every day at a particular diner back when he was a student at MIT. One day, he left his tip, two quarters, underneath two inverted cups of water. The next day, he noticed that the waitress of the previous day looked a little steamed and wouldn't serve him. He asked another waitress what happened.

"Well, she was trying to get your tip," the waitress answered. "But when she lifted one of the cups, all the water spilled out all over the place and made a big mess. Then she called the manager over and asked him what to do. But he didn't really know. So finally all they could do is pick up the other cup and let it make a mess again."

"Well, it's pretty simple to deal with," answered Feynman. "All you have to do is hold a bowl near the edge of the table and slide the cup over it so that the water spills into the bowl."

That day, Feynman left his tip under two upside down cups again. The next day, he arrived to find the second waitress obviously steamed at him. He finally got her attention and asked what was wrong.

"I got your tip by taking a bowl and sliding the cup over it just like you told me to," she said.

"So what's the problem?" Feynman asked.

"There wasn't any water in the cups!"

[Testament]

lol i got a funny one..lol wats the difference from a negro and a bag of ****
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the bag :D

[Testament]

oh man no one on any forums have sense of humor jeez lol and i come from canada

[Xantar]

A little impatient, are we? This isn't a chat room here.

Besides, I think FreakyBob said something about racist jokes at the beginning of the thread.

And besides that, the joke isn't funny anyway.

[Testament]

actually its more funny when u argue to a retard hahahha

[GameMaster]

I can't visualize, could someone draw a simple picture of what two inverted cups with water look like? :D

[One Winged Angel]

Originally posted by FreakyBob
Don't listen to him, BLueFire. We all know that you just crossed the street to purchase some gay (yet tasteful) pornography. *slaps One Winged Angel* Get yer facts straight, kid!

I've known Bluefire longer than you boy! He likes his Twinkies live!

[Angrist]

Originally posted by GameMaster
I can't visualize, could someone draw a simple picture of what two inverted cups with water look like? :D Or how to keep the water inside the cups when inverting them? Xantar??

[Xantar]

Well, the book I read didn't explain it. But I imagine Feynman did something like this:

1. Take a glass of water.
2. Put a quarter in it.
3. Put a saucer on top of the glass to cover the opening.
4. Turn the cup upside down with the saucer still covering the opening.
5. Quickly remove the saucer from underneath the cup and press the cup to the table.

You'll spill some water, but not enough to really make a mess.

[BlueFire]

Originally posted by One Winged Angel
I've known Bluefire longer than you boy! He likes his Twinkies live!

...


:hmm:

[Doctor Zhivago]

It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I hear that the live Twinkies are really hot :burger: :burger: :burger:

[BlueFire]

I really want to see you bleed right now.

[Doctor Zhivago]

*slits wrists to appease bluefire* There we go :) :D :cool: Anyway, as I've said earlier, there's no shame in getting some live Twinkie action every now and then. I mean what's wrong with a nice, plump piece of sponge cake with cream filling in the middle? .....Unless, of course, this is meant to be something sexual. If it is, I am absolutely appalled.

[fingersman]

Here's one...I don't know if you heard it already but here it goes.....


The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his

subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive

their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he ranted

and raved for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This

time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still dissatisfied,

he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all

thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady

in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, why are you not willing to forgive your

enemies?" "I don't have any "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old

are you?" "Ninety-three." "Mrs.Jones, please come down in front and

tell the congregation how a person live to be ninety-three, and not

have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered

down the aisle, very slowly turned around and

said: "It's easy ... I just outlived the bitches."

;)

[Ginkasa]

That was pretty funny IMO :D



*chuckles and walks away*

[GameMaster]

:lol: good one fingersman :D

[Dragon-Fly]

Man that was one funny joke, Fingersman.

Great joke.


*Still laughing*

[Lord Germano]

Back to the height thingy.

Whats the height of conceit?

Shouting out your own name during an orgasm.

[GameMaster]

A Variation by GameMaster

What's the height of self-centerness?

Groaning your own name during the climax!

:rofl:

[Lord Germano]

lol, very well, variated.

And now for a long joke from me.

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed
gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely.
Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a
baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun. "Okay, here's what we
do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with
this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little
dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated." "Great," says
the man. "But what's the gun for?" "In case I fall down instead of the
gorilla shoot the dog."

Hey, hows about another one?

> > > A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a
> week.
> > > When he came back, he called his brother to see when he could pick the
> cat
> > > up. The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry, but while you
were
> > > away, the cat died."
> > >
> > > The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have broken
the
> > news
> > > to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he
was
> on
> > > the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you
> > could
> > > have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching
him
> > up.
> > > Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed
> away."
> > > The brother thought about it and apologized.
> > > "So how's Mom?" asked the man.
> > > "She's on the roof and won't come down."

Thats enough from me (for now).

[Angrist]

:rofl: Those 2 were good! :D:D

[Lord Germano]

what, no more jokes?

[GameMaster]

What do you call throw up with saw dust in it?

Wood Chucks! :rofl:

[Lord Germano]

What mountain sleeps the most?

Mount Ever-rest!

well, that my bad joke for today.

A blonde calls up her best friend (a brunette) one day because she is very upset.

"I can't get this jigsaw puzzle put together, and I've been trying for weeks," she cries. "Could you please come over and help me before I go crazy?"

"What kind of puzzle is it?" asks the brunette.

The blonde says, "Well, there is a rooster on the box, but there are so many pieces, and it's so confusing. I just don't know where to start!"

Her friend is the compassionate sort and says, "I'll be right over." So off to the blonde's house she goes.

When she gets there, she takes one look at the table and turns to her friend and says . . . . . .

"Put the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[Doctor Zhivago]

BLueFire's been a little too happy lately, so I think I'll bring this thread back. A few bad jokes should certainly ruin his mood. Anyways, here it goes.


A ninety-year old man is sitting on a park bench sobbing when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong.

Through his tears, the old man answers "I'm in love with a twenty-five year-old woman." "What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.

Between the sobs and sniffles, he answers "You can't understand. Every morning before she goes to work we make love...At lunchtime she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at suppertime, and all night long, we make love." He breaks down, no longer able to speak.

The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"

The old man answers again through his tears "I forgot where I live."

[fingersman]

Well I just found this joke and I think I'll share it with you guys...and I didn't want to start a new joke thread so I'll just post it here.


-----------------

Just a wee story about loyalty in marriage...

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.When I got fired, you were there to support me.When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

" I think you're bad luck, get the hell away from me ." :D

Ouch now that's cold.

[Xantar]

Ok, you want a really bad joke that'll provoke enough groans to register on the Richter scale?

Q: Dude, what nickname do you give a guy who can type really fast?

A: Fingers, man.

[Crono]

lol fingersman, that one was awesome

[GameMaster]

A Homemade Joke Brought to You by GameMaster

What kills a devil?

A sneeze!

Why?

Because God blesses him!

:rofl:

[fingersman]

Very funny Xantar, btw when do play Starcraft?? Or when do you come online?? Oh yeah and my last question is when will you finish the next Zelda chapter??

*inserts his smiley face*------------->:D

[Angrist]

Lol there are some real good jokes on this page...

I know a funny one with a police who pulls over a car... let's see if I can find it (not gonna type it).

[Xantar]

Originally posted by fingersman
Very funny Xantar, btw when do play Starcraft?? Or when do you come online?? Oh yeah and my last question is when will you finish the next Zelda chapter??


These are all answerable by the fact that I'm on Fall Break (with no homework due!).

You see, I never play Starcraft while in college because my computer there wouldn't be able to handle it. I'll be on pretty often this week, though. I also hope to get started on the next Zelda chapter now.

[Angrist]

We could do a StarCraft tournament this week: I also have vacation!

[Ginkasa]

Okay, I have a joke:

A guy is golfing on a par five. Nobody expected much out of him 'cause he hadn't played golf for ten years. Well he tees off. He swings the club and the balls flies. The guy was amazed. Tiger Wood swould be proud of him! The ball had flown half way across the course, straight down the fairway! Not only that, but the golf ball had landed right on top of an ant hill, effectively teeing the ball without breaking the rules.

The guy thinks to himself, "This is great! I'll hit it again and send it straight to the hole! The best I can do is an eagle, the worst a birdie! And I haven't played for 10 years!"

So the guy gets ready to swing, pulls back, and swings as hard as he can. Unfortuantely, he missed and kills 5000 ants in the process...

The guy thinks, "That's okay. This time I'll hit straight to the hole. The best I can get is a birdie, the worst a par. Not bad for a guy who hasn't played for 10 years!"

Again the guys pulls back ad swings as hard as he can. But he misses again and kills 4998 more ants.

There are only two more ants from that hill. One ant says to the other, "There's only one way we can survive.... Get on the ball!"


:lol:


.....

*cough*


*shrugs and walks away*

[drolldurham]

there are so many friggin posts here so it's possible you've already seen this joke
too bad:

so there's a chinese guy, a mexican guy, and an american guy on an airplane.
they each decide that when they fly over someones country, one of the two that does not live in that country will throw something they have in abundance in their country out of the plane.... (confused?)

ok for example, they fly over america and the chinese guy throws a bunch of rice out of the airplane (because there is a lot of rice in china)

and then they fly over china and the mexican throws a bunch of drugs out of the airplane

when they fly over mexico, the american grabs the mexican and throws him overboard....

har... har...

i have a feeling i worded that in a confusing way so none of you will understand it

too bad

[Ginkasa]

Well, I've already heard that one before so I understand it... Though I think it was kind of different...

Anyway...

If I hasn't already heard that joke I don't think I would've understood it...

:hmm:


*shrugs and walks away*

[GameMaster]

A Homemade Joke by GameMaster

What did the gopher say to inspire John Sutter (one of the first gold pioneers)?

Go-pher the gold!

:rofl: :lol:

[Doctor Zhivago]

I've been away for a really long time due to computer troubles, so I figured that since I'm back I would bring this crappy old thread back with me.

Your mother is so large that in order to apply lip stick she must use a paint roller.

Ah, much better.

[BlueFire]

Originally posted by GameMaster
A Homemade Joke by GameMaster

What did the gopher say to inspire John Sutter (one of the first gold pioneers)?

Go-pher the gold!

:rofl: :lol: I hate you.

[Shadow_Link]

There are two nuns. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: "Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants."

SL: "It's logical. He wants to rape us."

SM: "Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?"

SL: "The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster."

SM: "...It's not working"

SL: "Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too."

SM: "So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute."

SL: "The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go
this way. He cannot follow us both."

So the man decides to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: "Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!"

SL: "The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he
followed me."

SM: "Yes, yes! But what happened then?"

SL: "The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could."

SM: "And ...?"

SL: "The only logical thing happened. He reached me."

SM: (aghast) "What did you do?"

SL: "The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up."

SM: "Oh, Sister! What did the man do?"

SL: "The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants."

SM: "Oh, no! What happened then?"

SL: "Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down ..."


Hehe.

[magus113]

A little kid gets onto a bus and he starts to talk to his bus driver. He says:

"Hey mister, if my mom was an elephant, and my dad was an elephant, then I would be a baby elephant.":WHOA:

He continues on with all the animals and the bus driver says:

"Say kid. What would you be if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?"

The kid smiles and says:

"A bus driver.":hump:

[Doctor Zhivago]

Yes, and perhaps if your mother is a gay bus driver and your father can barely speak English, you'll become a cab driver. Well here's a dumb "funny" comic thing:

http://www.gunchello.com/strips/current.gif

Yeah, that was cute..........

[BlueFire]

Kill it

[Doctor Zhivago]

You, go away! Leave this instant! No one invited you.

[BlueFire]

Originally posted by FreakyBob
You, go away! Leave this instant! No one invited you. Fine! :mad:

*takes Voo Doo doll*

[Doctor Zhivago]

I should have had my wicker man destroy that stupid voodoo doll years ago. You obviously have no clue as to how it should be used. Aside from that, you are not the least bit skilled in the Black Arts. Only someone such as myself can take full advantage of the doll's true power.

..........Hmm...this is stupid.

[Viva La Psycho]

So a gay guy walks in to a Bar. He asked a girl where can i find some gay guys?? The girl said right over there. She pointed to the man's restroom. Then he saw a woman in there so he like are you BI and the woman like yeah. Then the gay guy like well me too then they went home togeter and hmm... can't say hmm.. so the next day he woke up and saw that she was a drag so he's like man that girl was right lots olf gays in the man restroom.

[Viva La Psycho]

please don't ban me for this thank you

[Doctor Zhivago]

Wow, I really couldn't make out most of your post. But after a few unsuccessful reads, I was able to piece most of it together. So a man has sex with another man? How is that a joke? Oh, and don't double post. It upsets people.

[GameMaster]

Where was the joke in that? :confused: :unsure:

What does the frog waiter always say after someone orders something?

Would you like flies with that?

:rofl:

[BlueFire]

Originally posted by GameMaster
Where was the joke in that? :confused: :unsure:

What does the frog waiter always say after someone orders something?

Would you like flies with that?

:rofl:

...

I wish I could hurt you...stupid distance

[Dragon-Fly]

Ok, here's a joke, maybe you heard it already, but here goes.

Ok, one day a blond girl goes to Future shop and asks the person "Can i buy this T.V"
and the peron says"No"

The next day she goes back, and asks again. And again the person, says"NO"

Again she does this another Time, and Again The person says"No"

Then when she goes again, she asks the same question, which the guy sayss"NO". Then she says "Why can't I buy this T.V"

Then the Person says, "Uh.. Because your looking at a Microwave"
:)

[Happydude]

yeah...the blonde joke is old...

[Doctor Zhivago]

This thread keeps coming back to haunt me.

[Shadow_Link]

This isn't really a joke... But.

http://108stars.netfirms.com/tapdat.jpg

[Happydude]

:rofl: nice one shadow link...

[Happydude]

i got one...i found this one pretty funny...

Hi,
It had to happen ... ...... Siza (We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get
Chinese food in the Middle East?

[Xantar]

Ahhh...a take off on the classic "Who's On First" routine. Pretty good stuff. I'm just glad they didn't start talking about Dick (Cheney, that is).

[Happydude]

uh...huh...:wtf: