Funny Facebook Statuses

[Bond]

Let's post funny Facebook statuses we come across on our newsfeeds. Ideally, these would be ones that require no explanation or knowledge of context, and can still be funny.

I'll go first:

people who work at mcdonalds must be deaf or just fucking retarded. i said extra honey mustard twice. very loud and clear. there is absolutely zero honey mustard on mc chicken. im very upset.

[Typhoid]

Edit: I don't think you know what you got yourself into, Bond. Never give me an opening. (By all means, everyone else stick to the actual porpoise of the thread.)
--
I hate people who update their statuses daily. I doubt anyone you knew 5-9 years ago in high school really gives a shit how your manicure went, or how many eggs you ate in the morning and how you cooked them, for fucks sake.


AND ANOTHER THING.
I have a feeling that the creation and uprising of facebook will halt maturity almost entirely. Because now you don't leave high school when you're 18, and start growing up in the real world with no contact with your former peers (aside from your actual friends) until your 10 year anniversary - but now you can just go on facebook (like you did in high school) and kill time (like you did in high school) by flipping around and see pictures of the people and statuses of the people you knew from high school. It's all the beauty of physically leaving high school, with all of the bonuses of mentally staying 18! Oh glorious day.

I can see it (in the future) creating massive generational cliques, just like high school.

I've been a much happier person since I stopped going on facebook all the time. I advise you try the same.


Oh, what...the thread, right.
I don't care enough to put up funny ones (well, obviously unless one is so undeniably funny), so I'll use this thread to put up the most pointless ones I come across in the giant crapchute. And I admit, in the past I have been guilty of some poinltess updates. But I've changed, damnit! I've chaaaanged.

- "is up watching the big bang theory. lol"

- "is off work and headed to stinkin' Metrotown. Must go to MAC and T&T!"

Praise Zeus that I've read these two status updates, now I can plan my day in accordance to this breaking news.

Double Edit: I guess if you wanted to, it'd be pretty damn easy to figure out someone's schedule, and break into their house. Nearly everyone tells you when they go on vacation/away for a weekend, or are at work, and if they'll be home right away after work, or are going out after work. Hell, now I know that person 2 won't be home right after work because they'll be food and makeup shopping. Let's go loot some shit.

[Angrist]

Double Edit: I guess if you wanted to, it'd be pretty damn easy to figure out someone's schedule, and break into their house. Nearly everyone tells you when they go on vacation/away for a weekend, or are at work, and if they'll be home right away after work, or are going out after work. Hell, now I know that person 2 won't be home right after work because they'll be food and makeup shopping. Let's go loot some shit.This. People answer questions like what kind of laptop they have, where they live, when they're leaving for a couple of days... That's just plain stupid.

[ZebraRampage]

Facebook is going to kill our social skills. You can just sit on your computer and find out everything you need to know about someone rather than sitting down and getting to know them in person, or catching up with them.

Someone posted this in their status today though.

http://reichrolld.com/

[Vampyr]

Maybe it's my judicious method of friending people or how I immediately hide updates from people posting stupid stuff, but I very rarely see anything asinine on my facebook news feed.

[Bond]

Here's another one:

Most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, muppetational.....