"omg you HAVE to meet the new baby!"

[flamb]

i hate when people make me 'meet' a baby
they dont do anything
yet everyone with a baby is like "hey check out my rad baby" (it's not as bad as iphones but still)
i mean you just go to the baby and you're like
"hello baby. how is sitting around drooling and making noises going?"
they can't even do fist bumps
im way smarter than any baby yet nobody applauds when i use the restroom

[Swan]

You do sleep alot and randomly puke like a baby though

[BreakABone]

I think all you Canadians should band together and start congrulating Ken whenever he goes to the bathroom on his own.

[KillerGremlin]

I hate babies. Why does everyone think babies are cute? They vomit and shit everywhere and they smell weird. And they cry.

Child birth might have some natural or orderly beauty but it's also pretty gross.
Like the placenta:
http://evankessler.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/799px-human_placenta_uterine_side.jpg

[Dylflon]

I really wish you had spoilered that image...

[Dylflon]

Never mind. Apparently that doesn't work.

[KillerGremlin]

But it's the beauty of childbirth! It's my placenta so cute. :p

(and in some weird cultures they actually eat the placenta...bleh)

[Angrist]

Placenta is actually pretty tasty. And it's the only meat I can get as a vegetarian.
It helps if you don't know the mother. Or when the mother is pretty hot.

[Teuthida]

Huh, I never thought of it like that. No life taken, but yummy cannibalism. Best of both worlds. :)

[KillerGremlin]

If I'm going to eat something that has come out of a female vagina I'm gonna go all the way.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/73/Fat_bastard.jpeg

[TheSlyMoogle]

How about "Check out my baby isn't he the cutest baby you have ever seen?"

My reply is always "No he's not, I was actually the cutest baby I've ever seen."

I hate bitches and their babies.

1. Babies aren't cute. Unlike kittens, puppies and pretty much the entire furry animal world, aside from monkeys because they are human-like, babies aren't cute. They're mostly bald, slightly chubby, and they cry constantly. In fact until children are able to walk and talk sorta they aren't cute. Then after that they would be kinda cute if they weren't so fucking annoying.

2. Babies aren't smart unless they are in fact genius level children and even then that shit manifests around the age of 2 really. So you don't have the smartest baby in the world. The parents of the kid on oprah who is 4 years old and can play like 2 instruments and fluently speak 4 languages already, or the parents of that kid who is like 12 and working on his doctorate in theoretical physics, they in fact might be in the running for having the smartest baby ever, but your drooling lump of flesh that can make noises and shit itself every hour, is not the smartest baby ever. In fact odds are he's average.

3. Breast Feeding in Public. I don't give a damn how hardcore feminist you are, pulling your breast out in public and slapping a child on it is fucking indecent. For the love of god, step out into the bathroom, do it in your fucking car, but don't fucking do it at the middle of the fucking table while you're out eating at dinner. I literally had a woman who flopped out her tit while she was asking what the soup of the day was and slap her screaming child onto it. She didn't even bother to cover that shit up. I'm sorry but I'm sure some guys might think that is attractive or something, but I can almost promise 70% of mothers aren't the type of women you want to sleep with, and I'm sure the ones who breast feed are the feminist whores who are always ugly.

[Dylflon]

Placenta is actually pretty tasty. And it's the only meat I can get as a vegetarian.
It helps if you don't know the mother. Or when the mother is pretty hot.

Duuuuude...