View Full Version : Requesting relationship help?
MrCoffee
03-20-2007, 04:53 PM
Hey guys,
I got a question. I've been dating a girl for about a month now, and shes ****ing amazing, plays video games, pretty, etc...anyway I find something I have trouble doing with her is talking, when we are hanging out one on one, lots of time we will be playing something like Soul Caliber 3 or SSB, or just sitting together, but when I try to initiate conversation she usually gives one word answers or very short that are impossible to go somewhere with. By nature shes a quiet person but that shouldn't exclude talking completely.
Any suggestions?
Professor S
03-20-2007, 06:42 PM
I'll leave you with the advice that my older brother gave to me, and it did wonder for my love life...
When in doubt, whip it out.
DeathsHand
03-20-2007, 07:25 PM
So she's amazing aside from the fact that you can't seem to initiate any sort of conversation and therefore connect with her on any level past noticing that she's pretty, likes to play video games, and etc.
*strokes chin*
I suppose The Professor's advice could work in the sense that it'd most likely force her to say something about the situation, but I've only seen that move used once, and Elaine didn't seem too happy about it...
I say ride that ship of video game campanionship until it's inevitable sinking.
Other than that I got nothin'...
Hey guys,
I got a question. I've been dating a girl for about a month now, and shes ****ing amazing, plays video games, pretty, etc...anyway I find something I have trouble doing with her is talking, when we are hanging out one on one, lots of time we will be playing something like Soul Caliber 3 or SSB, or just sitting together, but when I try to initiate conversation she usually gives one word answers or very short that are impossible to go somewhere with. By nature shes a quiet person but that shouldn't exclude talking completely.
Any suggestions?
If you don't actually have any meaningful dialogue then I don't think you're really dating her. Perhaps suggest doing something that doesn't involve videogames. Might force her to actually talk to you.
Girls aren't for talking, they're for *******. They're also useful for ****** **** until you *** ****. You can also **** them **** backwards and **** their sweet ******** ****.
Actually what you should do is ask her open-ended questions, especially about things she likes. Everyone's favorite topic is themselves. Say "Tell me about..." or "How do you feel about....." If she gives a one word answer just stare at her with a "go on" look and she'll keep talking to break the awkward silence.
MrCoffee
03-20-2007, 08:26 PM
okay so i left out a valid piece of information, she talks fine over chat, and text messages...I try not to whip it out, Im pretty sure Dylan set himself back aways with that.;)
Acebot44
03-20-2007, 08:46 PM
Actually what you should do is ask her open-ended questions, especially about things she likes. Everyone's favorite topic is themselves. Say "Tell me about..." or "How do you feel about....." If she gives a one word answer just stare at her with a "go on" look and she'll keep talking to break the awkward silence.
Just what I was going to say
KillerGremlin
03-20-2007, 08:46 PM
the solution is simple, no yes or no questions
of course, in the most natural relationships that just comes naturally, conversation is usually not ever a problem
but sometimes you need to be sly, so make sure to ask questions that require 5 or more word responses
"where do you stand on global politics?"
Typhoid
03-20-2007, 08:52 PM
but when I try to initiate conversation she usually gives one word answers or very short that are impossible to go somewhere with.
This sounds more like friend material to me.
No matter how amazing you think she is, or how awesome she seems to be, there'll always be that distant level of awkwardness, unless you two can get over your hormonal rage and actually talk.
Right now, it seems (though I know nothing of you two) you could be masking the awkwardness of hanging out with playing games. You both dont have to talk, and you're both still together. So it's as if you're cheating your way along. Sure you're spending time with eachother, but you're not really getting to know eachother, or talking about...well...anything.
Happydude
03-20-2007, 09:15 PM
I'll leave you with the advice that my older brother gave to me, and it did wonder for my love life...
When in doubt, whip it out.
:rofl:!!!
NICCCCCCE
Out-silence her!
Silence is golden, etc.
To paraphrase Pulp Fiction, you know you've found someone when silence isn't awkward anymore.
Professor S
03-20-2007, 10:52 PM
In all seriousness... bowling. Go bowling. I'm not kidding. I've never had a bad date when said date involved a night at the lanes. There is just so much to joke around about , including the fact that you're bowling. Besides, its impossible to take yourself seriously in bowling shoes, so people tend to let their hair down and be themselves.
bobcat
03-20-2007, 11:29 PM
Keep copying EXACTLY what she says. It can be really annoying to her, and she is sure to start asking more questions after that. Then you can get married!!!
manasecret
03-21-2007, 12:02 AM
In all seriousness... bowling. Go bowling. I'm not kidding. I've never had a bad date when said date involved a night at the lanes. There is just so much to joke around about , including the fact that you're bowling. Besides, its impossible to take yourself seriously in bowling shoes, so people tend to let their hair down and be themselves.
I wonder if that's why Wii bowling is a such a universal hit.
Jonbo298
03-21-2007, 12:53 AM
Buy a Wii, it'll force her to talk or at least move more then the "zombie" pose when playing other console system games :p
I think she has a thing alot of teens/early adults are getting. Its much easier to talk alot online then in person. So they just start to adapt that way and you notice they talk up a storm online, but in person its like a totally different person.
Trust me...I'm becoming that way. I'm much easier ot talk to online then in person. I don't have to EXPRESS myself physically as much as online with an emoticon. But its just becuase I've grown so accustomed to talking online more readily (even though I work in a call center, work talking and outside of work talking are 2 totally different things) then talking in person.
Granted, I'm not just an outsider and don't talk to others >.> But in my opinion, as others have said, try getting to her to give more then "uh huh" type questions. Ask about her day, etc...take a break from games sometimes and go out somewhere if you can. It'll help more or at least talk ot her and let her know what your noticing and maybe she'll think about it and realize "Wow, I am not saying alot when playing games" and take notice.
Good luck! :)
Perfect Stu
03-21-2007, 01:42 AM
the best way to get someone to talk is to ask them questions. once you get their opinion on something, ANYTHING, it's easy to make something out of it. you could make fun of it playfully, agree or disagree with it and explain why...basically spark some sort of conversation. if she never talks much (and some people never talk much) then you probably won't find a way to get her all chatty, just enjoy whatever it is she does or find a way out.
KillerGremlin
03-21-2007, 02:00 AM
if all else fails, masturbate
MrCoffee
03-21-2007, 02:38 AM
okay heres an update;
Today my buddy and his girl, and myself and Kaleigh, we played a round or two of soulcaliber, then i remarked on how I wanted some fresh air so we jumped in my buddies car and drove to a park and walked threw some trails, she was scared ****less because it was dark and there were coyotes howling, but i got her to talk about how scared she was and what could happen. I think i am getting closer. Bowling sounds like a great idea, I shall try that one too, im having trouble thinking about stuff to do for dates because movies are so anti-social...
i also notice that many of my friends have immense trouble showing emotion and being confident in person. I personally am totally fine because I tend to stay away from that kind of issue...
@dyne
yeah so uhh....silence is something that is not awkward anymore, because well uhh when were alone and in the mood, if i talk most likely to make a bad joke she hits me :P
okay guys im going to keep you updated on how its going i am a bit of a newb with relationships...:$
Angrist
03-21-2007, 05:23 AM
Out-silence her!I like that. Keep your mouth shut for so long that she'll ask you what's the matter. Then you're in some big trouble because you have to explain, but at least you're talking. ;) "where do you stand on global politics?""Don't Know". Two words, I win.
I was going to advise to do something else than gaming, but it looks like you did that last night. :) Good job.
Joeiss
03-21-2007, 11:58 AM
You've been dating for a month? Are you getting any action? If not, I doubt you guys are dating... How old are you?
A month of friendship usually burns the bridge for a relationship.. gotta get in there the first week or 2 man.
Angrist
03-21-2007, 12:50 PM
If with "get in there" you mean sex, I beg to differ.
MrCoffee
03-21-2007, 02:11 PM
First of all I'm 16, almost 17, when you say getting in there, sex no but, I'm good pretty much everywhere else.
edit: i dno ive know her for along time, we were friends for almost a year, and then about two months ago we started flirting more and more and now were dating, but lately shes been really quiet, not as responsive.
It could be a better thing to just stay friends...maybe? I hope not.
Typhoid
03-21-2007, 03:49 PM
If with "get in there" you mean sex, I beg to differ.
He means plant the possibility of something more than just a friendship.
If you dont establish anything right off the bat, you'll be just friends, unless it's "special" or something.
Perfect Stu
03-21-2007, 04:56 PM
It could be a better thing to just stay friends...maybe? I hope not.
talk to her about it, dude...none of us can really answer that question.
Angrist
03-21-2007, 04:58 PM
Ah, like in Friends season one where Ross is becoming friends with Rachel and Chandler says it's almost too late to start a relationship wit her? :p Comprendo.
Btw if anyone is interested, I got a new girlfriend. Which is a pretty big step after I thought I couldn't live without my ex. :)
MrCoffee
03-21-2007, 07:38 PM
Angrist, I dno you but Im interested. How did you get over your ex?
Dylflon
03-21-2007, 08:21 PM
okay so i left out a valid piece of information, she talks fine over chat, and text messages...I try not to whip it out, Im pretty sure Dylan set himself back aways with that.;)
Who are you talknig about? What Dylan?
Dylflon
03-21-2007, 08:28 PM
Angrist, I dno you but Im interested. How did you get over your ex?
Don't do that. You will type don't know like a decent human being. Or at least "dunno".
But dno? Come on, man.
MrCoffee
03-21-2007, 09:23 PM
apparently you whipped it out, i was commenting on how that probably set you back aways.
Joeiss
03-21-2007, 09:59 PM
Well as long as your getting your dick wet then you are definitely dating her! hahaha.
Just hang in there man, persistence is key. And if you make her laugh, make her laugh even louder. Whatever the reason is that she likes you, ****ing bring your A game out pronto if you think its dying down.
Dylflon
03-21-2007, 11:53 PM
apparently you whipped it out, i was commenting on how that probably set you back aways.
When did I whip it out? Where is this coming from?
Typhoid
03-22-2007, 12:36 AM
When did I whip it out? Where is this coming from?
It came from earlier in the thread when Strangie said something.
MrCoffee
03-22-2007, 03:01 AM
hehe you should read the entire thread before you comment on it :P anyway update guys:
i went to a party with her, and right now im totally smashed...like i am probably going to have to rewrite thsi a couple times before its understandable. anyway it ended with everyone being smashed, she snuggling with my buddies brother whos a total ladies man and me playing video games again and drinking myself mindless. Im totally depressed and slightly pissed off. I dno apparently she isnt sure about something in our relationship so i dno this is all starting to seem really childish and i dno if its worth hanging on for...
Fox 6
03-22-2007, 03:08 AM
start a fight then win her back, like in any good movie.
P.S. its always nice to hear about underage drinking :p
MrCoffee
03-22-2007, 03:11 AM
ahahaha yeah i would but i alrdy left and turns out hes actually kind of a homosexual but i really dont care i gotta do what the guy a couple posts ahead of me said and pull my act together and give a A performance about something. its pretty cool everyones getting their N permits and my parents bought me alcohol, freaking fireball, i drank like almost a bottle of it that stuff sooo good!
Fox 6
03-22-2007, 03:14 AM
ahahaha yeah i would but i alrdy left and turns out hes actually kind of a homosexual but i really dont care i gotta do what the guy a couple posts ahead of me said and pull my act together and give a A performance about something. its pretty cool everyones getting their N permits and my parents bought me alcohol, freaking fireball, i drank like almost a bottle of it that stuff sooo good!
Hahahaha some one i know drank an entire 26 of that stuff at a party, and lets just say it ended with skinny dipping.
And just to put things into perspective hes a small guy like 5'9 maybe
Dylflon
03-22-2007, 03:17 AM
Why does everyone assume I whipped my penis out?
What is this accusation based on?
MrCoffee
03-22-2007, 03:18 AM
ahahaha that would be so funny, im a heavy weight i drink wine on a regular basis so i dont get drunk very fast. but yeah i know some firends like my buddy 2 coolers and he was gone. Fox6 where do you live?
Fox 6
03-22-2007, 03:19 AM
Why does everyone assume I whipped my penis out?
What is this accusation based on?
TAKE THAT!
i have proof your honor!...... or ive been playing too much pheonix wright.
who says its everybody?
EDIT. I live near Dylflon, Dyne, Swan and Typhoid.
MrCoffee
03-22-2007, 03:38 AM
sweet you guys can boot for me@!!!@@#@%
Dylflon
03-22-2007, 03:50 AM
sweet you guys can boot for me@!!!@@#@%
Yeah...
No.
KillerGremlin
03-22-2007, 03:55 AM
so besides like playing video games with this chick, have you like, made it to first base yet?
MrCoffee
03-22-2007, 04:03 AM
yeah i have :) second base was right there until weird stuff started hapening
KillerGremlin
03-22-2007, 04:08 AM
well then, get crackin', defend your honor
Angrist
03-22-2007, 04:30 AM
Angrist, I dno you but Im interested. How did you get over your ex?Well, after a year I started to realise that she really didn't want me. I focussed more on the negative aspects of our relationship and figured that if she didn't break up over reason A in 2005, she would have over reason B in 2010. She just didn't have the love that's essential for a marriage.
Now with my new girlfriend, it doesn't have the wow-factor that my ex had in the beginning, but we're connecting on a deeper level, we talk better about emotional things. That's is way more important than the surface level, everything that goes wrong there, you can catch in the deeper levels. :)
hehe you should read the entire thread before you comment on it :P anyway update guys:
i went to a party with her, and right now im totally smashed...like i am probably going to have to rewrite thsi a couple times before its understandable. anyway it ended with everyone being smashed, she snuggling with my buddies brother whos a total ladies man and me playing video games again and drinking myself mindless. Im totally depressed and slightly pissed off. I dno apparently she isnt sure about something in our relationship so i dno this is all starting to seem really childish and i dno if its worth hanging on for...
Wasted Wednesday?
MrCoffee
03-22-2007, 11:16 AM
Now with my new girlfriend, it doesn't have the wow-factor that my ex had in the beginning, but we're connecting on a deeper level, we talk better about emotional things. That's is way more important than the surface level, everything that goes wrong there, you can catch in the deeper levels. :)
Hmm, so your ex was a high school sweetheart?
Angrist
03-22-2007, 11:52 AM
My ex was somebody I had mailed with for 2 years when we met up in real life. We both fell in love immediately, it was a great combo on first sight. Some examples: both vegetarian, we both liked LotR and Star Wars, fan of the same artists, both a bit crazy...
We were good together, we had a great time. I asked her to marry me and we became engaged. But now I see that she loved me as long as she had fun. When something came up that she hated so much, she decided to break up. Her love wasn't deep enough. I can't live with such a love, I'd always be scared she'd leave me.
Fox 6
03-22-2007, 12:39 PM
Wasted Wednesday?
spring break
MrCoffee
03-22-2007, 12:43 PM
yeah im on spring break for two weeks, and so far its pretty nice...
Dylflon....I almost get the feeling when they talk about a Dylan whipping it out that they are talking about me. It is something would do. I was pantsless and drunk at some elementary school around 3am a few weeks ago.
PS Foxxy, we need to partay more
Fox 6
03-22-2007, 09:17 PM
yeah, come to think of it i believe we've only been to a handful of partays together
MrCoffee
03-22-2007, 09:27 PM
can i come to a partay with you?
You up for the chance of maybe being lit on fire when you pass out?
Fox 6
03-22-2007, 10:07 PM
You up for the chance of maybe being lit on fire when you pass out?
or worried about being drawn on if you pass out? and peanut butter... right dylan :sneaky:
or worried about being drawn on if you pass out? and peanut butter... right dylan :sneaky:
I've topped that. Drawing on. Lighting people on fire. Apparently used condoms in the pocktets.
MrCoffee
03-23-2007, 01:49 AM
haha i dont pass out i are heavy weight but i have drawn on people, coloured the inside of their noses and filled their pants with whipcream /lol
MrCoffee
03-23-2007, 12:57 PM
update guys
lsat night i was at work and a bunch of my friends walked in, girlfriend aswell i greeted her gave me the coldest shoulder ever. literally. and my boss commented on how much of a bitch she was being. Anyway when i got home they were all at my place playing video games looking at cars etc etc anyway spoke to her in a nother area and told her that you know shes been acting kind of weird and i knew she was having some problems or soemthign with me or soemthing like that becaue right now everyone is up in the air and i have no idea whats going on. Anyway she really couldnt give me a answer but i did it in such a way that she felt comfortable to hang around me and treat me as a friend anyway later we spoke over the phone, and i recommended that maybe we should just be friends. Anyway she wasnt sure she didnt really want to but I kind of forced her into an answer, so now were just friends... anyway i think its better, i dont think it was right match anyway. Anyway thanks for all your advice. Im better off now. After we started dating this thing showed me that i really didnt want to be with her...
btw who ever said you have to get in, in the first two weeks good job i totally agree with you 100%
KillerGremlin
03-23-2007, 09:46 PM
R.I.P.
Here lies period.
Dylflon
03-23-2007, 10:55 PM
Oh high school kids and their high school problems/parties.
Enjoy it now. You won't think drinking and dumb parties where people put cummy condoms in your pockets are as cool anymore the minute you turn ninteen.
MrCoffee
03-24-2007, 01:18 AM
haha I wish i was legal age ;)
Oh high school kids and their high school problems/parties.
Enjoy it now. You won't think drinking and dumb parties where people put cummy condoms in your pockets are as cool anymore the minute you turn ninteen.
We shall see...
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Fox 6
03-24-2007, 03:29 PM
We shall see...
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Speaking of drinking, that was the best way to end a competition. :p
Angrist
03-25-2007, 05:37 PM
Ok I have my own weird thing going on right now, here it is:
2 weeks ago a girl of 19 and me discovered we liked eachother and we decided to give it a chance. We were unsure at first, but every time we've met, it's been great. I really love her and think it can/will work out. I might marry her one day.
The thing is.... I'm scared. :unsure: So incredibly afraid of something, of her, of us. I don't understand why, but it makes my stomach ache when I think too much about it. First I thought it was maybe because of my ex, but I don't think that's it. Then I thought maybe we're just not a good combination but that isn't true either, we're great together.
Did anyone ever have that? Being afraid of good things to come? Afraid of a relation?
I came up with the following possible reasons:
- I'm just not ready yet, it's going too fast.
- She's 4.5 years younger than me and 8 years younger than my ex, it's so different.
- She might break up for the same reason my ex did... (some kind of nasty past I've had that's hard to accept - she has the right to know, I want to tell her in 1.5 months).
Today we talked about it and decided to take it very slowly, we specified 'slowly' (only meet 1 or 2x a week etc.).
Any thoughts/advice?
(PS: a few months ago I really got over my ex... when she wouldn't answer my mail. I'm disapointed by her, her love wasn't deep enough. I'd like to think that we were such a good match that we didn't have to love eachother very much... which caused problems in the long run.)
Perfect Stu
03-25-2007, 05:58 PM
dude, i think your first problem is talking about 'falling in love' and a possible marriage TWO WEEKS after 'discovering [you] liked eachother".
Angrist
03-25-2007, 06:04 PM
Ok, good point.
But other than that, isn't it weird that one moment I'm crazy about her and the next I'm afraid?
Hm I do realise that the best you can probably say is "just wait and see"... I just need some confidence.
I think you should read: The Four Loves (http://www.amazon.com/Four-Loves-C-S-Lewis/dp/0156329301/ref=pd_bbs_2/103-6041416-6697405?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1174860920&sr=8-2) by C.S. Lewis.
MrCoffee
03-25-2007, 07:02 PM
I agree with Perfect Stu, the first time i really got alone with my ex...it was like OMG i want to be with you for ever...probably just excitement but i got over her fast because i realized were better off being friends. The way i see it is when i am interested in a girl, if i date her for a bit and it doesnt end up perfectly i always try to end it nicely and show them that were better off friends because i was genuinely attracted and i liked things about her.
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