Life in Southern California

[Neo]

I don't usually post email forwards, but I'm bored at the moment.


Recently in San Diego, California...

A Highway Patrolman pulled a car over and told the driver that
because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won
$5,000 in the statewide safety competition.

"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger seat.
"He's a smart ass when he's drunk"

This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop

and moaned," I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice

said, in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"



Arkansas Jokes

A guy from Arkansas passed away and left his entire
estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!

How do you know when you're staying in an Arkansas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my
sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking
age in Arkansas to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Arkansas?
Documentaries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Where was the toothbrush invented?
Arkansas. If it had been invented anywhere else, it
would have been called a teeth brush.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-30
and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?"
and the driver replies "Bout wut?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The governor's mansion in Arkansas burned down!
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The
library was a total loss too. Both books-poof! up in flames and
he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A new law was recently passed in Arkansas. When a couple
gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.


Sometimes crime does pay:
http://www.gametavern.net/Neo/car.jpg

[Blackmane]

I didn't know this is what you did to pass the time, Neo

[Neo]

They Walk Among Us
-----

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge,
he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good
home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there
without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that
people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so
he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone
stole it.
Caution. They Walk Among Us
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking
him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my
brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime,
she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got
a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I
told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call
quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . .
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we
overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn
she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a
convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was
moving". . They Walk Among Us!
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a
seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier
multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip
out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and
ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is
turned...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the
lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional
And I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane
arrived yet?"...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to
go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6
pieces. Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.
===================

[ZebraRampage]

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through aseat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...
They Walk Among Us!

This happened to my mom once. She was buying something that was 20% off, and she got two, and the cashier multiplied by 2. My mom argued with her, but she said she knew what she was doing, so my mom just let her go. So retarded..

[KillerGremlin]

This happened to my mom once. She was buying something that was 20% off, and she got two, and the cashier multiplied by 2. My mom argued with her, but she said she knew what she was doing, so my mom just let her go. So retarded..

Was it something she needed while driving that she left in the trunk. :p


Keep the jokes rolling, Neo.

[fingersman]

They Walk Among Us
-----


I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring
attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip
out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and
ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is
turned...
They Walk Among Us!

===================

Classic. Simply lovely. :D

[Neo]

Kids have it so easy.


When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with
their tedious diatribes about how hard things were
when they were growing up; what with walking
twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill
BOTH ways .. yadda, yadda, yadda


And I remember promising myself
that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going
to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how
hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that...

I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy!
I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know
how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet.
If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the
damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card
catalog!!

There was no email! ! We had to actually write somebody
a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the
way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it
would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store
and shoplift it yourself!


Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually
talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

And talk of about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When
the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could
be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your
drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't
know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games
with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the
Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and
"asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was
a little square! You actually had to use your
imagination! And there were no multiple
levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting
harder and harder and faster and faster until you
died! . Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing
as stadium seating! All the seats were the same
height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat
sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were
just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was
only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu
and no remote control! You had to use a little book
called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You
had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to
change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network
either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday
Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to
wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little
rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat
something up . we had to use the stove or go build a
frigging fire ...
imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use
that stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove
forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in
1980!


Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

[Blackmane]

Its funny how the times change...

[KillerGremlin]

It's so true, but even I remember the finding porn days...

back when aol was brand new....

you just typed www.[insert-sex-related-word-here].com and hoped for the bestest of luck.


those were fun times. we had Hustler too.