Stupidest things ever done

[Xantar]

This thread is a companion piece to my "Stupidest things ever said" topic (is anybody still reading that one?). For this update, we open with a few choice stories courtesy of the Darwin Awards.

Note: some of the stories are narrated. That's because they are personal accounts sent to the Darwin Awards website. They were not sent in by me (I've yet to meet someone who kills himself through his own stupidity).

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(1990’s, United States) I heard the following at work in the gun shop. The events described below (if it’s not a legend) occurred in the 1990’s in the southwest.

A small-time hood (about to be even smaller) broke into the home of a World War Two veteran and stole, among other things, the old G.I.'s .45 automatic pistol, which he used in battle in the 1940's. The hoodlum then reported directly to a local convenience store and proceeded to rob the cashier while brandishing his new pistol. The cashier, no dummy, followed orders and handed over the contents of the register.

Our thug took the money and turned to leave, but suddenly decided he didn’t want to leave a witnesses… other than the security camera, that is. He leveled the pistol at the cashier and pulled the trigger.

"CLICK!" went the gun.

At this unexpected development, the puzzled crook looked straight down the barrel of his weapon and uttered the words, "What*the...?"

As it turned out, the WWII veteran had WWII vintage ammunition in his WWII vintage pistol. Priming caps over time are known to lose their "spontaneous" nature, particularly if stored improperly, causing what is known as a hang-fire: The primer smolders into a delayed ignition.

Such was the case here.

Just as the puzzled crook had the barrel pointed squarely at his own eye, the hang-fired primer detonated, sending a half-inch chunk of lead and associated hot combustion gases directly into the felon's skull at 900 feet per second.

The range was less than six inches.
The body could only be identified by fingerprints.

As the story was related to me, the police officer who responded to the original gun burglary was also at the scene of the armed robbery. He picked up the .45 and verified the serial number, then returned it to the WWII veteran.

Case closed.

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(January 2002, Italy) Andreas, 23-year-old ex-bouncer from Italy, was found lying in a pool of blood near a country road. Police initially thought him the victim of sadism. His left leg almost severe by a chainsaw. Copious bleeding. Body drained of blood.

Emergency call to operators who heard only a "death rattle" as Andreas was so weakened by blood loss. He bled to death on the phone.

Sad plight? Not quite.The incredible truth was odder still.

23-year-old Andreas had conspired with his cousin in an insurance scam. Andreas' 29-year-old cousin confessed that he was the assailant, attacking—and killing--the younger man in a planned and "mutually satisfactory" insurance fraud that went badly awry.

Andreas asked his cousin to cut his left leg off with a chainsaw, in order to reap under a million dollars from numerous insurance policies. Permanent disability was all that was required. That and Andreas' knowledge of first aid, to survive their cunning chainsaw incident.

The attack took place near a country lay-by

The cousin sawed at Andreas' leg, below the knee, and severed a major artery in a gambit timed too close for survival. Emergency crews arrived to find Andreas dead and his cousin fled, tossing the chainsaw in a river along the way out of town.

The cousin now languishes in a cell on homicide charges.

A classic case of fate noticing those who buy chain*saws.

---------------------------------------------

(January 2002) My 18-year-old cousin pulled a wonderful stunt. Davey is not known for his stellar common sense, but he really upstaged himself. This boy is constantly in trouble so it didn't surprise me when I heard the details of his most recent ordeal.

My cousin, during one of his chronic underage drinking sprees, became alarmingly convinced that he had contracted an STD from the wrong kind of girl. He was urinating blood, and it hurt.

But instead of going to a doctor, he comes up with an eradication plan of his own. He goes into the laundry room and picks up a bottle of bleach, thinking, "Hey a disinfectant!"

Davey pours himself a beer/bleach cocktail. He drinks it and wonders why his stomach starts to ache. My Uncle stumbles upon him in a stupor and rushes him to the emergency room. Crisis averted.

In a few years, I'm sure Davey will either kill or sterilize himself!

[Joeiss]

Haha... I like the first one the best. That is why you shouldn't mess with the veterans! Haha.. The middle one is alright, and the last one if funny. But I thought that the kid was going to do something different with the bleach. I though he going to try to pour it into his you-know-what so that the blood pee would turn into good old fashion yellow pee. :D

[Ginkasa]

The first one wasn't really a case of stupidity, at least as much as the other two, but more of just not knowing about the late trigger thing. Although he probably shouldn't have looked down the barrel....

[Joeiss]

Originally posted by Link1130
The first one wasn't really a case of stupidity, at least as much as the other two, but more of just not knowing about the late trigger thing. Although he probably shouldn't have looked down the barrel....

Yeah, or he just shouldn't have stole the gun in the first place. ;)

[Revival]

Hehe.. look into the barrel.. :lol:

[GameMaster]

I don't who's dumber, the guy who I asked to have leg "chain-sawed" or the guy who did it? :D :lol:

The dumbest I ever did was eat three chocolate cupcakes followed by an hour on a tire swing :unsure: :green:

[Xantar]

Added: May 27, 1997 HumourNet Collage 347
R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.



Added: May 27, 1997 HumourNet Collage 347
Oklahoma City - Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown you [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-- if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Hewton and recommend a 30-year sentence.



Added: May 27, 1997 HumourNet Collage 347
Chicago - A man robbing a dry cleaning store blew off part of one finger with a shotgun, police said. "This is no toy; the gun is loaded," the robber said to his victims Monday in the Pekin Cleaners on Chicago's south side. Police said the robber, wearing a red handkerchief over his face and carrying a sawed-off 12-gauge shotgun, then opened the gun to show it was loaded. When he closed it, the weapon fired, taking off two-thirds of the little finger of his left hand. After the gun fired, he took $10 from the cash register and a portable television set from the counter and fled. Police said they recovered the tip of the finger and were able to get a fingerprint. A store employee, Hattie Butler, said she did not realize the robber had injured himself because he did not show any signs of pain.



Added: May 27, 1997 HumourNet Collage 347
Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truck.



Added: May 27, 1997 HumourNet Collage 347
Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

[Revival]

LMAO! The first one on the addition is great -- did he forget? :lol:

[Ginkasa]

I like the last one best. It seemed to show the moot stupidity out of all of them :D



:lol:

[TheGrimReaper]

LOL those rule!

[GameMaster]

I'd have to say the mispelled Gasoline Truck incident was the best, why? Because their plan was working, if they hadn't mispelled the word, we'd be having a cloudy spring! :D ;)

[Xantar]

I couldn't decide whether this is a stupid deed or a stupid thing spoken. But in any case, read this short blurb.

http://www.thisistrue.com/campsign.html

You'll never think of camping the same way again. :D

[Jin]

Originally posted by Xantar
I couldn't decide whether this is a stupid deed or a stupid thing spoken. But in any case, read this short blurb.

http://www.thisistrue.com/campsign.html

You'll never think of camping the same way again. :D

Lmao! I looked at the sign for a while and couldn't see anything wrong with it, but after reading the article it was so clear.

[One Winged Angel]

1998 Urban Legend
(1997 - 1998) "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman desribed what happened next.

"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.

[Cyrax9]

Originally posted by Xantar
I couldn't decide whether this is a stupid deed or a stupid thing spoken. But in any case, read this short blurb.

http://www.thisistrue.com/campsign.html

You'll never think of camping the same way again. :D

Xantar I really wish The GT Admins would give you you're ow section on the boads, maybe called "Stupidity Cetnral", whre you could put up articles about these "stupid things" that have been "said" and "done". I weekly, even monthly Special from Xantar about stupidity would be great for GT, besides, think of how many laughs people would have.

Here's one I read that was pretty funny, we all mknow that the PSone is a Cancer-Causing Health risk, but this article in EGM even proves that the PSone is dangerorus even further:

[Death by Playstation

The next time your gaming on a fishing trawler odff the coast of northern Queensland, make sure your Playstation isn't resting on a metal table and Plugged into the on-board power supply. The unfortunate Richard Wells, 19, of Innisfail, Australia, decided to get his game on instead of helping his fellow fishermen, and got the Dual Shock of his life when a wave crashed through his cabin window an zapped him dead. According to "The Daily Star", three other crew members suffered eletrichution and burns as they tried to rescue him. The game he was plsaying? Hopefully not "Aquanaut's Holiday"!

This article is on Page 28 of EGM, Issue Number 155, June 2002

I wonder what color shirt this guys was wearing? ;)

[Xantar]

(1 January 2002, Brazil) Russian Roulette has always been a breeding ground for natural selection, but the men involved in this story deserve extra consideration for their unique approach to this self-destructive game.

On New Year?s Eve, Antonio and his friend were befogged by a traditional Brazilian liquor called pinga, when they began playing Russian roulette with holiday fireworks. Their version of the game consisted of lighting fireworks, and holding them in their mouths to see who could delay longest. The man who discarded the explosive closest to the point of detonation was the victor in this battle of wills.

Their blatant disregard for personal safety was matched only by their foolish bravery. Antonio was the winner, holding one of the fireworks in his mouth a bit too long, and thereby earning praise for his "courage" at his funeral.

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(21 March 2002, Kentucky) In his youth, the man had whiled away many an afternoon hopping trains and riding them fifteen or twenty yards down the rails before leaping back off. But by the time he was twenty years old, he had apparently lost the knack. While demonstrating the trick to friends, our hero tried to hop a southbound train, but failed to notice the simultaneous approach of a northbound train, and was struck and killed.

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(30 January 2002, Brazil) Airport taxi drivers frequently hear the announcement, "The white zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only." But Santos Dumont airport in Rio de Janeiro may need to add a new phrase: "The runway is for take-off and landing of airplanes only."

"The signs that tell you to stop when the plane is on the runway are practically invisible," said the director of the local taxi cooperative. Apparently a Boeing 737 preparing for takeoff was equally invisible to one 64-year-old taxi driver, who sped onto the runway after dropping off his fare. He was right behind the jet when it revved its engines in preparation for a 140-mph takeoff.

Local aviation experts say the force of the 737?s jets is comparable to a hurricane, but, we assume, much hotter. The taxi was spun 25 meters through the air, hit the rocks at Guanabara Bay, and ejected its driver. The man?s tip for the trip was a broken skull and thorax. He is presently in a coma.

Airport authorities cited driver error as the cause of the accident.

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(8 February 2002, Pennsylvania) Outside a camp for troubled youths, sneakers dangled from the electricity line, presumably tossed there by a camper who enjoyed the challenge and notoriety. But the sneakers were an eyesore to one 20-year-old employee. They must be eliminated!

He stood in the raised bucket of a front-end loader, and poked at the sneakers with a device consisting of a fourteen-foot coppper tube with a pocketknife taped to the end. The determined employee had nearly removed a pair of shoes, when the knife pierced the insulation and made contact with the electrical wire. He was knocked out of the bucket and landed on the hood of the loader, with burns on his hands, a foot, and his buttocks. He died from his injuries three weeks later.

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Clement Vallandigham was a well-known Northern Democrat who campaigned for states? rights during the Civil War. In 1863 Vallandigham was convicted of treason for his speeches attacking the administration of President Lincoln. He was banished to the South, where he continued to voice his extreme political views.

After the war, Vallandingham became a lawyer. In his last appearance in the courtroom, he represented a client on trial for murder. The accused man?s defense was that the victim had drawn his own gun in a fashion that caused it to fire, killing himself. To prove the defense argument, Vallandigham demonstrated the victim?s method of drawing a gun--using the loaded evidence gun as his prop. The firearm went off, and he lost his life--but proved his case.

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(March 2002, Canada) In my small community, news travels fast, but it doesn't usually travel far. This is an event that I witnessed, but still can't believe. My friend James is a moron and a firebug, like every other boy in Grade 9. His father was an avid hunter who loaded his own shells, so James always had an ample supply of materials to satisfy his obsession.

One day after school, I noticed a group of kids huddled around James. He had filled a small, heavy-duty cardboard tube with FFFF powder, used for black powder rifles. The tube was sealed with a generous amount of duct tape, and had a crude wick protruding from the side.

James pulled out his butane lighter, instructed everyone to step back, and lit the wick. But instead of doing the natural thing -- throwing the crude M80 as fast and far as possible -- he placed it between his legs right below his crotch, while he stowed the lighter back in his pocket.

The wick burned much too fast, and before he could grab it and hurl it, the explosive blew up between his legs. James fell to the ground screaming, and when the dust cleared, we all expected to see a gigantic hole in his midsection. But we were astonished to find the tube in almost perfect condition, with the exception of two missing ends. There wasn't even a rip in his jeans.

Luckily for James, he hadn?t properly taped the explosive, and most of its force was released forward and aft. But unluckily for him, the explosion directed a certain amount of pressure against his testicles. James managed to make it home and change his pants, and he told his mother he fell while walking along the top of a fence, thereby avoiding trouble over playing with explosives.

That happened ten years ago. During a trip home for Thanksgiving, I ran into James, and it seems that he is unable to have children.

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Stay tuned. I'll have another update in a few days. There's lots more where that came from. :D

[Revival]

LOL, guy got in a coma after driving on a runway.. that's priceless :lol:

[Xantar]

Holy Roman Emperor Frederick I embarked on the 3rd Crusade to recapture the Holy Land in the twelfth century. After spending days trudging across the dry summer desert, his army came upon the River Saleph. In his parched state, Frederick threw caution to the wind -- instead of his heavy armor -- and plunged into the river, whereupon he sank to the bottom and drowned.

Attila the Hun was one of the most notorious villains in history. He conquered all of Asia by 450 A.D. by destroying villages and pillaging the countryside. This bloodthirsty man died from a nosebleed on his wedding night. After feasting and toasting his own good fortune, he was too drunk to notice his nose, and he drowned in a snoutful of his own blood.

Tycho Brahe, a sixteenth-century Danish astronomer whose research helped Sir Isaac Newton devise the theory of gravity, died because he didn?t make it to the bathroom in time. In that society it was considered an insult to leave the table before the banquet was over. Brahe forgot to relieve himself before the banquet began, then exacerbated matters by imbibing too much alcohol at dinner. Too polite to ask to be excused, he instead allowed his bladder to burst, which killed him slowly and painfully over the next eleven days.

Francis Bacon was an influential statesman, philosopher, writer, and scientist in the sixteenth century. He died while stuffing snow into a chicken. He had been struck by the notion that snow instead of salt might be used to preserve meat. To test his theory he stood outside in the snow and attempted to stuff the bird. The chicken didn?t freeze, but Bacon did, prompting the question ?Which froze first? The Bacon or the egg??

Jean-Baptiste Lully, a seventeenth-century composer who wrote music for the king of France, died from an overdose of ?musical enthusiasm.? While rehearsing for a concert, he became overexcited and drove his baton right through his foot. He succumbed to blood poisoning.

Some treasured Historic Darwins are not true. For instance, the legendary circumstances surrounding the death of a famous female ruler:

Catherine the Great, empress of Russia in the eighteenth century, reputedly had a prodigious appetite for sex. Legend has it that she was killed by her bestiality practices. During one of her frequent conjugal visits with a horse, the rope sling that suspended the animal snapped, and the falling horse crushed the amorous woman. But the truth is that although Catherine had an appetite for sex, she did not indulge with her stallions. The rumor may have been started to undercut her claim to a place in history.

[fingersman]

Heh....I think some of these deaths or extremly stupid ..are you sure these guys weren't killed??


Like the Roman emperor could have been push and the Russian woman could have been thrown in the stable :D

But regardless that's some funny stuff. :D

[Xantar]

Yeah, okay. I said that my topic in the General Forum would be my last post in three months, but I lied. This is my last post in 3 months. I just couldn't leave without one last update to my semi-regular stupid topic.

(7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was
better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This
was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have
been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty,
tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields."

During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a
9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a
potential mental deficiency. "Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have
eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head,
so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!"

Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the
same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over
his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a
sudden conclusion.

Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald
was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes
deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool.

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(March 2002, Colorado) I was a third-year medical student doing my first surgical rotation, when a man
came in who had consumed, along with a copious amount of alcohol, the panties of a local stripper.
After he sobered up, he waited for the panties to pass through, but they never emerged.

He began to feel bloated. That’s when the fearless fellow tried to fish them out with a hook constructed
from a wire coat hanger.

The predictable result: he was not able to snag the panties, but instead ripped gashes along the
length of his esophagus. He died from the effects of a massive infection, removing himself from the
breeding population.

His X-rays were the highlight of my very first M&M (Mortality and Morbidity) conference. I don't think this
was published, but there are other surgeons in the Denver area that remember the case.

----------------------------

(March 2002, Hungary) I can't name sources for this incident, but the story is commonly known among
Hungarian border guards who work on the Ukraine border.

Even the smallest border stations have Geiger-Muller detector gates, because of the threat of nuclear
smugglers from ex-USSR countries. These gates resemble empty doorframes, or metal detectors at
airports, but instead of metal they detect radioactive materials.

A man with a backpack arrived at the border. He seemed a bit dizzy, maybe drunk, but vodka is cheap in
the Ukraine and drunken passengers are quite everyday in this area. The man was instructed to pass
through the Geiger-Muller detector gate. He seemed a bit anxious, but finally he obeyed--and the gate
signaled a red alert!

A glance at the dosimeter made everyone run for their lives. The man was hot!

The Hungarian army dispatched an ABC (Atomic-Biological-Chemical) reconnaissance vehicle to
determine what had happened. The soldiers found the man sprawled facedown, dead, a few steps
away from the gate. They turned the body over and found a large hole burnt into his stomach. The
moron had taped a piece of plutonium to his body!

Later they found a discarded nuclear waste canister on the Ukrainian side of the border. If the man
hadn’t removed the plutonium to hide under his clothing, neither the gate nor the border guards would
have spotted what he was carrying, and he would still be alive today... but perhaps others would not.

------------------------

(January 2002, Croatia) A Croatian was killed while trying to open a hand grenade with a chainsaw. He
wanted to retrieve the explosive to make firecrackers for the New Year’s holiday.

[Joeiss]

Yeah! The Ukrain story is funny... I believe that happened a while back... Because my grandpa has told me a story along those lines.

And yeah, lets open up a grenade with a chainsaw!!! Damn that guy is smart.

:rolleyes:

[Xantar]

This one is just classic.

(21 December 1992, North Carolina)
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

[Jason1]

LOL! Guns...they should just get rid of them entirely then we wouldnt have these accidents anymore...

[Xantar]

Ok. One last hurrah before I leave.

SILVER SPRING, Md. - Police in Silver Spring, Maryland, can thank a forgetful robber for some good evidence: his picture.

Officers say the bandit robbed a camera store after asking for a passport picture. When the clerk opened the register, the suspect drew a gun and demanded money.

While he got away with some cash and the photo, police say he forgot about the negative. Detectives have made new prints and are distributing the photo to the media.

Kentucky
Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the panel
off the machine, however, they pulled the bumper off the truck. Scared, they left the scene of the crime. Their bumper, along with their license
plate was still attached to the ATM.

Kidnappers abducted Gildo Santos near his factory in a suburb of Sao Paulo and demanded $690,000 for ransom. Santos, however, escaped. The next day, Santos got a phone call asking for $11,500 to defray the cost of the abduction. After negotiating a 50 percent reduction, Santos called police, when the abductors showed up to collect payment.

Arizona
A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies and other events. One day, a middle-aged woman called to inquire if they could kill her husband. She was sentenced to four and a half years.

Three criminals, being transported to a different jail, made a dash for freedom as they were unloaded from the back of the Sheriff's van. The three were all on one long chain that connected at the wrists. They only got about 10 feet, though. As they ran down the sidewalk, they tried to go in different directions around a telephone pole. The only trouble the police had with the capture was untangling them from each other and the pole.

Two brilliant criminal masterminds were attempting to break into a safe to get at whatever goodies might be hiding inside. After failing to pick the lock, they decided that they would blast it open with dynamite (they just happened to have some with them). Upon detonating the dynamite most of the room in which the safe was located was destroyed. The safe, however, stood fast. The brilliant gangsters then decided to shove the safe out of the window, as they were on the second floor, and this would surely break the safe open to expose it's contents. This too, failed. Sherlock and Watson then decided to run a chain from the safe to the back of their pickup, and drag it away to someplace where they would have more time to dissect it. As they headed down the road at a rapid pace with their booty in tow, they came upon a traffic light, which turned red just as they were approaching the intersection. They had to stop quickly, and luckily, their pickup had good brakes. The safe, however, did not. It promptly rammed the rear of the truck, lifting the back off the ground and lodging it self underneath. This pretty well brought this little heist to a close.

[Ginkasa]

Eh, I didn't like those as much as the other ones. Maybe I'm just not in the mood for stupid people. *shrugs*

[Xantar]

First, read this (http://www.thisistrue.com/chaired.html) and make sure to read the text first before taking a good look at the picture. Trust me on this one. You won't regret it.

And here's the one story for today's update. Don't worry, though. I'm going to be updating the "Stupidest things ever said" topic for the first time in a long time now.

Four 17-year-old boys in Gillingham, Kent, England, hid some alcohol and munchies in a loft. They decided it was time to have a party when one of the boys' mothers went out of town. "We went up to get the food and drink from our loft after we had stashed it there because we didn't want our parents to find out," said one. Then they realized they couldn't get out, and the boy's mother wasn't due back for four days. They pushed and pushed on the trap door, but couldn't get it to budge. After 17 hours locked in the loft ("All we had was snacks and drinks to last us all that time") one of the lads got the bright idea to pull on the door, rather than push as they had done for 17 hours. It opened easily. (London Times)

[Ginkasa]

:lol: Oh that was a good one... both of them :lol:

[One Winged Angel]

I once ate dog ****

[Jonbo298]

Originally posted by One Winged Angel
I once ate dog ****

:wtf:



:errr:



:Puke:



:errr:



:wtf:

[Xantar]

Another man died while trying to open a grenade with a saw. This time, he was doing it because he was curious to know what was inside. As a sidenote, pathologists examining his body noted very little brain matter in his head.

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A parachute instructor was videotaping the lessons he was giving to a group of trainees. He had attached the video camera to his helmet so that it would capture the entire day of instruction. The group of enthusiastic beginners went up in the plane, and the instructor led them through preparations for the jump.

When they reached the jump site, the students and instructor jumped from the plane, tape still running. A few minutes later, the instructor realized that he had been so focused on preparing his trainees for the jump, which needed to be perfect for the sake of the videotaped lesson, that he had forgotten to strap on his own parachute.

All but the last ten feet of his fall was recorded by the camera. The very last part of the tape was destroyed by the impact.

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(July 2002, Romania) Forget posted train schedules! Like an American Indian listening for horses in an old Western, a Romanian man placed his ear against the tracks to listen for the arrival of a train scheduled to stop at his station. Instead, the 46-year-old man was hit by an express train, and died instantly from head trauma.

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(June 2002, Georgia) An EMT in southern Georgia was part of the unit that responded to a call from Coffee County late one night. They arrived on the scene and found a severely injured man lying at the edge of a field. His stomach had been completely torn open, and he was covered with lacerations and bruises. He also had a prominent tire tread across his chest.

The injured man's companion showed up in a racing model ATV vehicle, clearly intoxicated, and gave the following account. Imagine this tale being recited in a deep Georgian accent.

He and his injured friend had been drinkin' and ridin' around the field on the three-wheeled ATV, when they sighted a stand of deer in their headlights. The friend, riding the back as a passenger, was struck with a great idea. "Hey man," he said, "If you quarter off one a those deer, betcha I can bulldog 'im." The driver thought this was an entertaining idea, so he proceeded to isolate a buck and race him down.

His intoxicated passenger proceeded to leap from the ATV, grab the buck by the antlers, and perform an excellent example of this rodeo sport. He pinned the animal's head to the ground, but that's when things went wrong. The buck, less docile than a steer, simply got up, threw his head back, and tore his assailant's belly open. The deer then proceeded to stomp, kick, and butt him for good measure.

The EMTs noticed that this information accounted all of the injuries except one. When they asked the driver about the tire track across his injured friend's chest, he responded: "Well how else was I s'posed to git the deer off 'im?"

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This story just makes me cringe:

A friend of mine was stepping out of the shower one day, when his wife's small dog wandered into the bathroom. My friend loves to tease this dog, and having nothing at hand with which to tease, he grabbed his penis and began waving it at the dog.

The dog leapt up and caught the offending member in its mouth and held on for a moment, its entire weight suspended by my friend’s organ. Needless to say, this was extremely painful, and the resulting anguished scream scared the dog so badly that it let go and ran for dear life. The dog was found, much later, still hiding beneath the bed.

Did I mention that the dog had sharp teeth? Apparently they were sharp enough to go all the way through my friend’s penis. Since they had punctured some well-vascularized tissue, he began to bleed profusely. Dizzy and scared, he drove himself to the emergency room.

When the nurse asked what the problem was, he tried to get away with telling her that he had a rather embarrassing injury and needed to see a doctor. Nothing doing! The nurse assured him that she had heard everything, and he must to tell her exactly what had happened so she could triage him appropriately.

Once he explained the situation, she handled it quickly and professionally, putting him in a private room with only a slight smile and a stifled laugh.

After treatment and testing to ensure that nothing vital was irreparably damaged, the doctor admonished him to be more careful, and my friend made his way home to wait for his wife, and explain to her how he had come to be injured. Luckily, he ended up with nothing more than an unusual scar and some painful memories, although he came damn close (well the dog did) to eliminating any chance at contributing to the gene pool.

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(May 2002, Pakistan) Usually it's the criminal, not the judge, who attempts to take himself out of the gene pool. But not in this twist of a familiar tale! A man accused of possessing a hand grenade challenged police to produce it at his trial. When the police brought the grenade into the courtroom, the defendant claimed it was not real. The judge absentmindedly took the grenade in his hand while listening to arguments -- and pulled the pin! He was injured, but survived, no doubt with improved judgment.

[Xantar]

A farm keeper from Sao Paulo, Brazil, went to burn a bee hive in a orange tree... He didn't know exactly how to proceed, just knew the hive should be burned, and he knew bees stings too!!!

So, he protected his head with a plastic bag, very well closed in his neck.

Prepared this way, he grab a torch and went to fight the bees...

His wife got worried when he didn't come back hours later. She went to look for him, and found him dead.

Police said it wasn't the bees who killed him, but the simple lack of oxygen. He forgot to make holes for breathing.

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After setting his shorts on fire to prove his courage, a Roselle teen ended up at Sherman Hospital in Elgin Saturday suffering from second-degree burns, police said.
The 16-year-old Roselle boy and two friends - a Roselle 16-year-old and an Elgin 15-year-old - smeared their shorts with gasoline around 10 p.m. Saturday and took turns lighting each other in the back yard of an Elgin home, Elgin police said.

Then they would drop down to the ground, roll and attempt to extinguish themselves, Elgin police said.

"They continued to do this for three rounds," said Elgin officer Mike Sullivan. "The shorts were drenched in so much gasoline that they were unable to extinguish it anymore. To the best of our understanding, it was some kind of a challenge."

The Roselle teen suffered second degree burns from his waist down, Sullivan said. He was treated and released. No charges were filed.

"Each one of them participated by their own free will," Sullivan said. "Being totally stupid is not a crime."

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DETROIT-- A robbery suspect was hospitalized and two accomplices are on the run after a botched carjack attempt of an off-duty police sergeant Friday night, Local 4 reported.

Sgt. Powell Relives Robbery Attempt

Sgt. Ronald Powell said that he was outside of a party store at Burt Road and Chicago when a man approached him. Before Powell could identify himself, the suspect tried to pull a gun out of his pants to demand the officer's car, but instead, shot himself.

The suspect managed to stumble away with the help of two accomplices, who pulled down his pants and discovered that he had shot himself in the groin, Local 4 reported. They helped drag him down a nearby alley to a car -- described as a brown 1974 Cadillac -- waiting for them a short distance away.

Powell followed the men for a short distance.

The two accomplices dropped the wounded suspect off at Henry Ford Hospital. His condition was not released.

The getaway vehicle was last seen in Highland Park.

Officers continue to look for the other two suspects.

Powell, a 25-year veteran of the department, was not injured.

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A 16-year-old allowed a calf to suck on his penis. Getting no milk, the calf bit and pushed, doing sufficient damage that the young fool died of his injuries. May be disqualified due to age, but at 16, and living on a farm, he should have known better

[Cyrax9]

Dang Xantar! I think you get better and better "Stories of stoopiditee" every time I see these! I love the "Darwin Awads", and as the Elgin polic eofficer said "Being stupid is NOT a crime", although we have seens ome pretty funny stuff come off of these lunatics.

Now do me a favor please, if you get another "Batch" or Darwin's to post, put up the one about the guy whom "Flew" in his car using a "Jet-Assited Liftoff" tank from a milirtay base and his car.

Also be sure to put up the one about he guy who wanted to dry his "Kerosene-clenaed" tools in a Clothes Dryer. These twoa re by far some of the best leaughs out there.

[Xantar]

I'd love to post the one about the guy who used a JATO on his car. Unfortunately, that one was proven to be an urban legend (i.e. it never happened).

Sorry to burst your buble, Cyrax. I'll try to find that dryer one, though.

For the time being, I'm going to dig up some more Dan Quayle quotes.

[Cyrax9]

Thanks Xanny ;), too bad about the car with the JATO, that would've been good if it wasn't fake. As for the Dan Quale Jokes:

"You say Potato, I say Potatoe."
Seriously though Xanny, you're just about the only person that keeps me coming in here, these "Stupidest Things Eer Dione" posts deserve there own Forum on GT if you ask me, belive me, the "Hit Counter" would skyrocket if these were as common to regular members as they are to BP Forum members, you have to find the Dryer one though, I heard that last christmas while eating and nearly had soup coming out of my nose from laughing so hard, case and point: don't eat and look at these at the same time, chances are you'll laugh yourself to death.

[GameMaster]

Originally posted by Xantar
A 16-year-old allowed a calf to suck on his penis. Getting no milk, the calf bit and pushed, doing sufficient damage that the young fool died of his injuries. May be disqualified due to age, but at 16, and living on a farm, he should have known better

:rofl: :lol:

Got milk? :D

Ouch... :unsure: