View Full Version : Is this wrong?
Typhoid
10-09-2005, 08:17 AM
Ok.
So Tonight my best friend came over, who happens to be a girl.
We were both sitting on the chair at my computer (its like a couch chair) and then we fell asleep together.
She fell asleep on my chest, and I had my arm around her, and our legs were all interlocked and stuff.
We were like that until about half an hour ago when I picked her up and carried her to my bed to put her to sleep.
She has a boyfriend who she is working things out with right now.
Anyways, personal deal or not, just a general question.
Do you think its wrong to cuddle with someone in a relationship?
Does being best friends with that person make you exempt from any badness cuddling can create?
Shadow Fox
10-09-2005, 10:04 AM
Story of my life...being the "friend" alongside a woman in/out/near a relationship can cause confusion, usually at the expense of the female involved.
The true, morally correct answer: tell her you need to step back from her, especially with you spending time like that. She'll probably be pissed, but as long as she understands you're looking out for her best interest, she'll eventually get over it, and probably respect you more.
The also true, but morally wrong anser: take the ride as it comes.;) She's not your girl, and you're not her man. Her issues are not yours, so take best advantage of the situation as you can...;)
BTW, the last part didn't come from me.
Yeah, not from me... :rolleyes:
Typhoid
10-09-2005, 10:20 AM
Thing is.
I cant just take time away from her.
Me and her are best friends.
Its not like we have feelings for eachother, because we dont.
Its just one of those being totally comfortable with eachother things (or so it is from my end anyways).
GiMpY-wAnNaBe
10-09-2005, 10:34 AM
i think that if you do it as friends that's fine, as long as her boyfriend doesn't find out. I've got some friends that are so close they might as well be sisters and same thing goes, just because something like that happens, doesn't mean that anythings happening.
Jonbo298
10-09-2005, 10:46 AM
I dont see an issue with that basically. As long as it wasnt any farther then that. Sometimes women need something like that even if they have a boyfriend probably just to have someone to hold them to reassure things will be fine.
If the boyfriend somehow finds out, just explain nothing came about. But I doubt something like this would get out anyways since nothing happened.
But if it was me, I'd not worry too much. It wasnt anything over the line, IMO
Typhoid
10-09-2005, 11:08 AM
You know I also meant in general to you guys right?
haha...I didnt mean for this to be a "solve my problem" thing.
It was just what appeared to be a nice segway to a question.
Plus. Ive decided I dont care. We dont like eachother as far as I know. Good enugh for me. All our friends assume we're ****ing anyways.
But if this didnt have to do with me, I wouldnt see a problem with it either, unless something happened. Especially between best friends of the opposite sex. (I stated opposite sex because Gimpy said he has friends who could be sisters. I would make a damn manly girl.)
manasecret
10-09-2005, 11:31 AM
...
It was just what appeared to be a nice segway to a question.
Nitpick Alert!
It's spelled segue. I only pick it out because I'm learning Italian and it came up recently.
DimHalo
10-09-2005, 11:48 AM
Not in response to Typhoid's situation because he's already informed us that he knows.
But from my own personal experience, it all depends on the feelings between the two people involved. I've tried cuddling with a friend, but it has always led to trouble (or something great, depending on how you look at it). Of course, that has been with someone who I liked and who liked me back.
Dylflon
10-09-2005, 01:41 PM
I don't really see an issue. I've taken naps with my best friend who is also a girl who has a boyfriend.
As long as there's no sexual motivations behind it I wouldn't feel bad about it.
Jason1
10-09-2005, 04:16 PM
I don't really see an issue. I've taken naps with my best friend who is also a girl who has a boyfriend.
As long as there's no sexual motivations behind it I wouldn't feel bad about it.
Yea, especially if you have no physical attraction to this girl. I mean, if you were wanting to get with her or something, then we might have a bigger issue, but if you had no desire or anything like that I see nothing wrong with this.
Professor S
10-09-2005, 04:47 PM
Don't worry, you are firmly in the friend zone. You said that she and her boyfriend were working things out when she cuddled with you. This is a common occurence with female friends.
You are her emotional tampon. Her boyfriend is most likely not meeting an emotional need that you do. What this means is that she is leaning on you for emotional suppprt when he can't or won't. When her crisis ends, the cuddling will stop and she'll act like nothing ever happened.
Dylflon
10-09-2005, 04:49 PM
The cuddling doesn't always stop.
Some girls are just really cuddly.
Professor S
10-09-2005, 05:07 PM
There is a window of opportunity here, Typhoid. You have to truly ask yourself what you want from your friendship. If you want her, go for her... now.
If you wait, you will remain an emotional tampon and solidify yourself in the friend zone.
Typhoid
10-09-2005, 06:19 PM
Ew.
Solidified Tampons.
Anyways.
I dont know what I want, is the thing.
Shes a great girl, and super cute, and super nice.
But shes my best friend.
Oh well.
What happnes happens.
Thanks all.
If she's your best friend, half the battle has been won. Now you just need to storm the fortress(1)!
(1)Interpret "storm the fortress" as you like.
Xantar
10-09-2005, 07:02 PM
When her crisis ends, the cuddling will stop and she'll act like nothing ever happened.
Now ain't that a depressing thought.
Anyway, I'll just add that I think these kinds of situations depend not only on her and what you feel (or don't feel) for her but also on your general temperament. For example, I am a physically very reserved person. All my friends know that if I so much as hug a girl, she must be one of my two or three very best friends if not my actual girlfriend. On the other hand, one of my other friends is very outgoing. He likes to hug, and he will also often put his arm around a person or hold their shoulders while talking to them. I wouldn't mind if he did that to my girlfriend because he does that to everybody. It's just the way the two of us are.
And then you've got the Europeans who kiss each other all the time as greetings, but that's another story.
Don't overthink the situation, but I do think you ought to consider how much physical contact you like to get in a normal situation. That's a clue to how your interaction with this particular girl is perceived by others (and by her).
Jonbo298
10-09-2005, 07:33 PM
If she's your best friend, half the battle has been won. Now you just need to storm the fortress(1)!
(1)Interpret "storm the fortress" as you like.
The fortress of solitude!
Dylflon
10-09-2005, 09:17 PM
The "fortress" is her lady parts and the storm is...well...you get the picture.
GameMaster
10-09-2005, 10:04 PM
I don't think anything is wrong with cuddling between friends. The jury hereby finds you innocent.
Ginkasa
10-09-2005, 10:45 PM
If she's your best friend, you should not try to go out with her if she's already got a boyfriend, unless she starts coming on to you first (in which case, you should tell her to break up with her boyfriend first).
Although, if you two really are best friends, I don't see why you aren't going out. I can not understand why someone would want to go out with someone who wasn't their best friend. It defeats the purpose, I think (unless all you want is sex...I suppose...).
/me shrugs and walks away
Typhoid
10-09-2005, 11:42 PM
I alos believe the whole general "if you're best friends, why not date?" thing. Because thats what I've told all my girl friends, is that its better to date someone you know, than some random girl you've slurrishly spoken to at a few parties.
But in practice, the dating best friends thing is difficult. Neither of you want to ruin the friendship, and are both scared it wont work. Based on past friendships/relationships with friends.
Jonbo298
10-09-2005, 11:49 PM
The "fortress" is her lady parts and the storm is...well...you get the picture.
o_O Thanks for pointing out what we already knew ;)
There is nothing wrong with it. If the boyfriend trusts her then he shouldn't get upset by it. If he does that's his own problem. Not saying you should tell him - no need to risk stirring things up unless it becomes necessary. Both of my best friends are girls (gay ones actually) and their partners know that my relationship with them is completely platonic. I think of them like sisters.
Just be careful that she doesn't start using you as an emotional crutch when things don't go her way with her boyfriend.
GameMaster
10-10-2005, 01:28 AM
But in practice, the dating best friends thing is difficult. Neither of you want to ruin the friendship, and are both scared it wont work. Based on past friendships/relationships with friends.
Whatever you do, DO NOT attempt a romantic relationship with her. It may seem like beautiful idea at first, but feelings will get hurt and hearts will get broken.
Soulmates and lovers are not always the same person. It may seem like you guys are destined now, but eventually you will both come to realize that what you have goes beyond friendship, beyond lovers. It's forever. And that's something more valuable than all the money of the world.
DimHalo
10-10-2005, 01:57 AM
I would like to comment on the dating your friends thing:
Keep in mind that women are not always as innocent as they may seem in the friendship situation. There is a possibility that there is, or had been at a time, some other motive. While this is by no means a generalization for all situations. It does occur, and more often than one might think. So, even if a girl seems like she is just your friend she may have something else in mind.
I would like to comment on the dating your friends thing:
Keep in mind that women are not always as innocent as they may seem in the friendship situation. There is a possibility that there is, or had been at a time, some other motive. While this is by no means a generalization for all situations. It does occur, and more often than one might think. So, even if a girl seems like she is just your friend she may have something else in mind.
I agree.
You should always be friends first, at the very least.
DimHalo
10-10-2005, 02:22 AM
I agree.
You should always be friends first, at the very least.
Totally agreed. It is the best way to really get to know a person.
Xantar
10-10-2005, 02:22 AM
I would like to comment on the dating your friends thing:
Keep in mind that women are not always as innocent as they may seem in the friendship situation. There is a possibility that there is, or had been at a time, some other motive. While this is by no means a generalization for all situations. It does occur, and more often than one might think. So, even if a girl seems like she is just your friend she may have something else in mind.
Well, the guys have some news for you: it's the same for us. :D
*runs away*
Dylflon
10-10-2005, 03:01 AM
Tee hee.
/me runs away also
Crash
10-10-2005, 03:45 AM
I dont think it is a good idea. But you know what, if I were the other guy, i'd be pissed at her, not you.
You can cuddle, all you want... she should tell you no, if not, than ... *shrugs*
all I can say, I sure wouldn't want my girl cuddling with anything but me...
Dylflon
10-10-2005, 04:25 AM
I dont think it is a good idea. But you know what, if I were the other guy, i'd be pissed at her, not you.
You can cuddle, all you want... she should tell you no, if not, than ... *shrugs*
all I can say, I sure wouldn't want my girl cuddling with anything but me...
Somebody is the jealous type. :o
Su-Yin
10-10-2005, 06:49 AM
Im with crash..."not a good idea"
cuddling can be dangerous when shes vunerable
Happydude
10-10-2005, 07:59 AM
i am the jealous type, so i would have to say cuddling with her isn't a good idea. even if you are bestest friends, hugging is fine and all...but cuddling and sleeping together is a no no.
Jonbo298
10-10-2005, 09:21 AM
Is anyone else feeling all warm and fuzzy inside after reading this thread so far :p
Typhoid
10-10-2005, 02:50 PM
I would like to comment on the dating your friends thing:
Keep in mind that women are not always as innocent as they may seem in the friendship situation. There is a possibility that there is, or had been at a time, some other motive. While this is by no means a generalization for all situations. It does occur, and more often than one might think. So, even if a girl seems like she is just your friend she may have something else in mind.
Now see....why did you have to go and say something like that? :(
Man, I need to Storm the Fortress...
Typhoid
10-10-2005, 11:48 PM
Man, I need to Storm the Fortress...
The only way you can storm a fortress is if the doors are too big to close.
Otherwise, you're just on the outside looking in wondering why you cant go in and play with the others.
The only way you can storm a fortress is if the doors are too big to close.
Otherwise, you're just on the outside looking in wondering why you cant go in and play with the others.
Zong...
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