Teuthida
05-29-2005, 01:09 AM
Not sure if I got all of them but here goes:
First Friend of Brasky: Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch! Do you fellas know Bill Brasky?
Second Friend of Brasky: Hell yeah, I know Bill Brasky! He's a big fella, goes about 6'4", 280. He loves his Scotch!
Third Friend of Brasky: He does! He's a hell of a salesman!
Fourth Friend of Brasky: To Bill Brasky!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Third: Did you know Bill Brasky is the godfather of my son?
Fourth: Bill Brasky?
First: He's a big fella!
Second: Oh yeah, he's a big guy! Goes about 6'7", 385.
Third: Well, anyway.. he shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Well, ol' Bill Brasky pushes the priest aside and says, "I'll baptize that piece of calamari!" Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, "There! You're baptized!"
Fourth: And your son is blind to this day!
First: Yeah, he makes brooms somewhere in Georgia, doesn't he?
Third: I have no idea. [ pause ] To Bill Brasky!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Second: Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky sold me into slavery?
First: Well, if you're talking about Bill Brasky, I believe it!
Second: Oh, yeah! He puts me on a ship to Thailand, right? And I'm chained to a pipe. Meanwhile, ol' Brasky, he's back in the States siring three beautiful children with my wife!
First: I hate Bill Brasky.. but I respect him!
Guy At Bar: Are you talking about Bill Brasky? I know Bill Brasky!
First: Then let me buy you a round!
Third: Hey, easy, Hank, easy.. To Bill Brasky!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Fourth: Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky showed up at my daughter's wedding? You know my daughter; she's a beautiful girl.
First: I tell you, I'd like to have sex with her!
Fourth: Well, Brasky shows up.. and you know he's a big fella.
Third: Goes about 7'8", 530.
Fourth: Well, he's standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He's got no right to be there, but he's drunk and he's Brasky! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries Brasky and me! [ the guys laugh ] Off! Off! Off! We spend the weekend in the Pocono's - he loves me like I've never been loved before!
Second: Best damn salesman in the office!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Third: You know how Brasky served three tours in 'Nam?
Fourth: Uh-huh!
Third: Well, I'm in Corpus Christi on business a month ago, and I had this eight-foot tall Asian waiter.. which made me a little curious, so I asked him his name, and sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!
First: To William Robert Brasky!
Second: Oh, yeah!
Fourth: Hey, you ever go camping with Brasky?
Third: Many times.
First: I went camping with Brasky, his wife, and his daughter Debbie!
Third: Debbie Brasky?
First: Debbie Brasky. She's 7-years-old, goes about 3'5", 55 pounds. So, I'm in the back of a pickup with Bill Brasky and a live deer! Well, Brasky, he grabs the deer by the antlers, looks at it and says, "I'm Bill Brasky! Say it!" Then he squeezes the deer in such a way that a sound comes out of its mouth - "Billbrasky!" It wasn't exactly it, but it was pretty good for a deer!
Third: That's Bill Brasky!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Fourth: I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.
First: His favorite movie is "One on One" with Robby Benson.
Fourth: Bill Brasky once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!
Second: I have that tape!
Guy At Bar: [ turning around ] So do I!
Third: To Bill Brasky! A ten-foot-tall, two-ton son of a bitch who could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Big Booming Voice: [ from extremely tall figure in upper camera angle ] Did someone say Bill Brasky?
Together: BILL BRASKY!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First friend of Brasky: The market...the market's up eighty points.
Second friend of Brasky: I'll never figure out this market. One day she's up. [pause] The next day she's up...
First friend of Brasky: Hey, do you fellas know a guy by the name of Bill Brasky?
Second: Yeah, I know Bill Brasky. He's a 10 foot-tall beast-man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
Third: Best damn trader on the floor.
Second: He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith and Wesson.
Third: Brasky went public with his own buttocks and made 7 million.
First: To Bill Brasky.
Together: Bill Brasky!
First: Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I went hunting?
Second: I masturbate to the Teletubbies.
First: Anyway, Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the 'Banana Splits.' He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives except Flegal.
Third: We once had a bachelor party for Bill Brasky. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Second: Brasky once hosted the Grammy's and gave every award to Corey Hart.
First: He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
Third: Brasky got his wife pregnant and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak.
Second: The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.
First: Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.
Third: Brasky is ranked 8th in the AP College Football poll.
Second: To Bill Brasky.
Together: Bill Brasky!
Second: Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I were in a production of "The King and I?"
First: Every morning I crap the bed.
Second: Anyway, on opening night, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
Third: He breastfeeds John Madden.
First: Brasky made the group Sha-nah-nah. They did not want to be called that.
Second: If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple it plays the Beach Boys' pet sounds.
Third: They used Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.
First: Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high-heels.
Second: He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Third: All the 'Yes' album covers are Brasky family photos.
Second: Darryl Dawkins has a summer hove in Brasky's groin.
First: To Bill Brasky.
Together: Bill Brasky!
First: Hey did I ever tell you about the time Brasky taught his son how to drive?
Third: I'm legally retarded.
First: Anyway, Brasky taught his son how to drive by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said: it would have happened sometime.
Second: Brasky's semen can form into a liquid human.
First: Like the guy from Terminator 2.
Third: Brasky still believe in Santa Claus and he wants to put him in porno films.
Second: He thinks the Iron Man is gay.
Third: HE FRAMED ROGER RABBIT!
First: Brasky used to ride upon a steed for chance to spy a lady.
Second: The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.
Third: He gave a hand-job to a manta ray.
First: [Incoherent babble]
Third: I hear ya' buddy. To Bill Brasky.
Together: Bill Brasky.
Big Booming Voice: I'm Bill Brasky, and I just cornered the market on booze. Who wants a drink?
Together: BILL BRASKY!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First: Have you fellas ever worked with a guy by the name of Bill Brasky?
Together: Bill Brasky!? YEAH!
Second: Sure have, and I'll tell you one thing. Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch.
Third: Best damn salesman in the office.
Fourth: You know he goes about 6' 8" 340 pounds.
Second: Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman's bikini around the office?
Third: God, I love this story.
First: And I'd love to have sex with your wife.
Second: Anyway, Brasky tears off my clothes and makes me wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily. But at the end of the quarter, I'll be damned if my sales hadn't tripled.
Fourth: To Bill Brasky.
Together: Bill Brasky!
First: He goes about 7' 10", 590.
Second: He'll eat a homeless person if you dare him.
Fifth: Hey, are you guys talking about Bill Brasky?
Together: We certainly are.
Fifth: I know Bill Brasky!
Second: Then let me buy you a round.
Third: You fellas know about how I like to steal loose change and valuables from your houses whenever I'm over...anyway here's a Brasky story. One time I asked Brasky to dress up like Santa for a Christmas party I was throwing for my children; you know Jacob and Christina?
Fourth: Sure they're dumb as rocks and they always have dirty feet.
Third: Yeah, that's them, that's them. Well Brasky shows up as Santa reaches into his bag and says: I've got goodies for you kids. He proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says: There is no Santa 'cause I ate him.
Second: Brasky's a son of a bitch.
Together: To Bill Brasky!
Fourth: You know Brasky goes about 9' 8" 790 pounds.
First: Oh, you know he sheds his skin once a year.
Second: I once saw him scissor kick Angela Lansbury.
Third: Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Brasky, but there weren't any horses around? Well, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well wouldn't you know it my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me in the Breeders Cup, right? Under the name Turkish Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running and I BREAK MY ANKLE.
Together: [Laughter]
Third: So anyway they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, don't shoot him he's a human.
Fifth: Hey, I lost money on you.
Second: I like you a lot...
Fifth: Hey is this guy going to hurt me?
First: No he likes you. He likes you.
Third: To Bill Brasky.
Together: To Bill Brasky!
Fourth: You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
First: Like an alligator he can fully digest a turtle shell.
Third: His favorite TV movie is The Boy in the Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta.
Second: He'll gorg hullaghas then [gurgling noises]...
Together: To Bill Brasky!!
Big Booming Voice: Gentleman. I'm the new bartender. Who wants a cocktail?
Together: BILL BRASKY!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First: Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch.
Second: Best damn salesman in the office.
Third: To Bill Brasky.
Together: To Bill Brasky!
First: An 8', 2-ton monster who can palm a medicine ball. [laughter] That's what he is.
Woman: Excuse me, excuse me. A lot of us have come here to watch our children. Would you please just stop drinking and yelling?
Second: You got a nice caboose on you, honey.
Third: Sure do.
First: Yeah.
Woman: You are horrible men.
Second: Come on junior. If you don't catch the ball I'll put the dog to sleep.
First: You're a fine father.
Third: Yeah.
Second: Last night I tried to kill myself again.
First: So anyway, Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and would walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes Brasky had to shoot the maid.
Second: Brasky would use his own thigh as an anvil.
Third: You know it was the sight of Brasky's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
Second: He showers in grain alcohol.
First: He uses a shroud of tourine as a golf towel.
Second: He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
Third: He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
First: His first name is Bill. [pause] I'm drunk.
Second: He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as Bear Bryant.
First: He once ate the bible while water skiing.
Third: Did I ever tell you he once had sex with a cigarette machine?!
First: [Incoherent mumbling] You're damn right and every kid on this field was fathered by Bill Brasky. Every one of them.
Second: To Bill Brasky.
Together: BILL BRASKY!
Fourth: I you guys talking about Bill Brasky?
Together: We certainly are.
Fourth: I know Bill Brasky!
First: I want to be your dear friend.
Big Booming Voice: Hey everybody. This game is called on account of scotch. 'Cause Bill Brasky wants a drink.
Together: BILL BRASKY!!
First Friend of Brasky: Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch! Do you fellas know Bill Brasky?
Second Friend of Brasky: Hell yeah, I know Bill Brasky! He's a big fella, goes about 6'4", 280. He loves his Scotch!
Third Friend of Brasky: He does! He's a hell of a salesman!
Fourth Friend of Brasky: To Bill Brasky!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Third: Did you know Bill Brasky is the godfather of my son?
Fourth: Bill Brasky?
First: He's a big fella!
Second: Oh yeah, he's a big guy! Goes about 6'7", 385.
Third: Well, anyway.. he shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Well, ol' Bill Brasky pushes the priest aside and says, "I'll baptize that piece of calamari!" Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, "There! You're baptized!"
Fourth: And your son is blind to this day!
First: Yeah, he makes brooms somewhere in Georgia, doesn't he?
Third: I have no idea. [ pause ] To Bill Brasky!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Second: Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky sold me into slavery?
First: Well, if you're talking about Bill Brasky, I believe it!
Second: Oh, yeah! He puts me on a ship to Thailand, right? And I'm chained to a pipe. Meanwhile, ol' Brasky, he's back in the States siring three beautiful children with my wife!
First: I hate Bill Brasky.. but I respect him!
Guy At Bar: Are you talking about Bill Brasky? I know Bill Brasky!
First: Then let me buy you a round!
Third: Hey, easy, Hank, easy.. To Bill Brasky!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Fourth: Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky showed up at my daughter's wedding? You know my daughter; she's a beautiful girl.
First: I tell you, I'd like to have sex with her!
Fourth: Well, Brasky shows up.. and you know he's a big fella.
Third: Goes about 7'8", 530.
Fourth: Well, he's standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He's got no right to be there, but he's drunk and he's Brasky! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries Brasky and me! [ the guys laugh ] Off! Off! Off! We spend the weekend in the Pocono's - he loves me like I've never been loved before!
Second: Best damn salesman in the office!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Third: You know how Brasky served three tours in 'Nam?
Fourth: Uh-huh!
Third: Well, I'm in Corpus Christi on business a month ago, and I had this eight-foot tall Asian waiter.. which made me a little curious, so I asked him his name, and sure enough it's Ho Tran Brasky!
First: To William Robert Brasky!
Second: Oh, yeah!
Fourth: Hey, you ever go camping with Brasky?
Third: Many times.
First: I went camping with Brasky, his wife, and his daughter Debbie!
Third: Debbie Brasky?
First: Debbie Brasky. She's 7-years-old, goes about 3'5", 55 pounds. So, I'm in the back of a pickup with Bill Brasky and a live deer! Well, Brasky, he grabs the deer by the antlers, looks at it and says, "I'm Bill Brasky! Say it!" Then he squeezes the deer in such a way that a sound comes out of its mouth - "Billbrasky!" It wasn't exactly it, but it was pretty good for a deer!
Third: That's Bill Brasky!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Fourth: I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.
First: His favorite movie is "One on One" with Robby Benson.
Fourth: Bill Brasky once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!
Second: I have that tape!
Guy At Bar: [ turning around ] So do I!
Third: To Bill Brasky! A ten-foot-tall, two-ton son of a bitch who could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing!
Together: Bill Brasky!!
Big Booming Voice: [ from extremely tall figure in upper camera angle ] Did someone say Bill Brasky?
Together: BILL BRASKY!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First friend of Brasky: The market...the market's up eighty points.
Second friend of Brasky: I'll never figure out this market. One day she's up. [pause] The next day she's up...
First friend of Brasky: Hey, do you fellas know a guy by the name of Bill Brasky?
Second: Yeah, I know Bill Brasky. He's a 10 foot-tall beast-man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
Third: Best damn trader on the floor.
Second: He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith and Wesson.
Third: Brasky went public with his own buttocks and made 7 million.
First: To Bill Brasky.
Together: Bill Brasky!
First: Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I went hunting?
Second: I masturbate to the Teletubbies.
First: Anyway, Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the 'Banana Splits.' He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives except Flegal.
Third: We once had a bachelor party for Bill Brasky. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Second: Brasky once hosted the Grammy's and gave every award to Corey Hart.
First: He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
Third: Brasky got his wife pregnant and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak.
Second: The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.
First: Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.
Third: Brasky is ranked 8th in the AP College Football poll.
Second: To Bill Brasky.
Together: Bill Brasky!
Second: Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I were in a production of "The King and I?"
First: Every morning I crap the bed.
Second: Anyway, on opening night, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
Third: He breastfeeds John Madden.
First: Brasky made the group Sha-nah-nah. They did not want to be called that.
Second: If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple it plays the Beach Boys' pet sounds.
Third: They used Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.
First: Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high-heels.
Second: He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Third: All the 'Yes' album covers are Brasky family photos.
Second: Darryl Dawkins has a summer hove in Brasky's groin.
First: To Bill Brasky.
Together: Bill Brasky!
First: Hey did I ever tell you about the time Brasky taught his son how to drive?
Third: I'm legally retarded.
First: Anyway, Brasky taught his son how to drive by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said: it would have happened sometime.
Second: Brasky's semen can form into a liquid human.
First: Like the guy from Terminator 2.
Third: Brasky still believe in Santa Claus and he wants to put him in porno films.
Second: He thinks the Iron Man is gay.
Third: HE FRAMED ROGER RABBIT!
First: Brasky used to ride upon a steed for chance to spy a lady.
Second: The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.
Third: He gave a hand-job to a manta ray.
First: [Incoherent babble]
Third: I hear ya' buddy. To Bill Brasky.
Together: Bill Brasky.
Big Booming Voice: I'm Bill Brasky, and I just cornered the market on booze. Who wants a drink?
Together: BILL BRASKY!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First: Have you fellas ever worked with a guy by the name of Bill Brasky?
Together: Bill Brasky!? YEAH!
Second: Sure have, and I'll tell you one thing. Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch.
Third: Best damn salesman in the office.
Fourth: You know he goes about 6' 8" 340 pounds.
Second: Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman's bikini around the office?
Third: God, I love this story.
First: And I'd love to have sex with your wife.
Second: Anyway, Brasky tears off my clothes and makes me wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily. But at the end of the quarter, I'll be damned if my sales hadn't tripled.
Fourth: To Bill Brasky.
Together: Bill Brasky!
First: He goes about 7' 10", 590.
Second: He'll eat a homeless person if you dare him.
Fifth: Hey, are you guys talking about Bill Brasky?
Together: We certainly are.
Fifth: I know Bill Brasky!
Second: Then let me buy you a round.
Third: You fellas know about how I like to steal loose change and valuables from your houses whenever I'm over...anyway here's a Brasky story. One time I asked Brasky to dress up like Santa for a Christmas party I was throwing for my children; you know Jacob and Christina?
Fourth: Sure they're dumb as rocks and they always have dirty feet.
Third: Yeah, that's them, that's them. Well Brasky shows up as Santa reaches into his bag and says: I've got goodies for you kids. He proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says: There is no Santa 'cause I ate him.
Second: Brasky's a son of a bitch.
Together: To Bill Brasky!
Fourth: You know Brasky goes about 9' 8" 790 pounds.
First: Oh, you know he sheds his skin once a year.
Second: I once saw him scissor kick Angela Lansbury.
Third: Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Brasky, but there weren't any horses around? Well, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well wouldn't you know it my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me in the Breeders Cup, right? Under the name Turkish Delight. And I'm running in second place, and I'm running and I BREAK MY ANKLE.
Together: [Laughter]
Third: So anyway they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, don't shoot him he's a human.
Fifth: Hey, I lost money on you.
Second: I like you a lot...
Fifth: Hey is this guy going to hurt me?
First: No he likes you. He likes you.
Third: To Bill Brasky.
Together: To Bill Brasky!
Fourth: You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
First: Like an alligator he can fully digest a turtle shell.
Third: His favorite TV movie is The Boy in the Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta.
Second: He'll gorg hullaghas then [gurgling noises]...
Together: To Bill Brasky!!
Big Booming Voice: Gentleman. I'm the new bartender. Who wants a cocktail?
Together: BILL BRASKY!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First: Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch.
Second: Best damn salesman in the office.
Third: To Bill Brasky.
Together: To Bill Brasky!
First: An 8', 2-ton monster who can palm a medicine ball. [laughter] That's what he is.
Woman: Excuse me, excuse me. A lot of us have come here to watch our children. Would you please just stop drinking and yelling?
Second: You got a nice caboose on you, honey.
Third: Sure do.
First: Yeah.
Woman: You are horrible men.
Second: Come on junior. If you don't catch the ball I'll put the dog to sleep.
First: You're a fine father.
Third: Yeah.
Second: Last night I tried to kill myself again.
First: So anyway, Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and would walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes Brasky had to shoot the maid.
Second: Brasky would use his own thigh as an anvil.
Third: You know it was the sight of Brasky's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
Second: He showers in grain alcohol.
First: He uses a shroud of tourine as a golf towel.
Second: He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
Third: He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
First: His first name is Bill. [pause] I'm drunk.
Second: He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as Bear Bryant.
First: He once ate the bible while water skiing.
Third: Did I ever tell you he once had sex with a cigarette machine?!
First: [Incoherent mumbling] You're damn right and every kid on this field was fathered by Bill Brasky. Every one of them.
Second: To Bill Brasky.
Together: BILL BRASKY!
Fourth: I you guys talking about Bill Brasky?
Together: We certainly are.
Fourth: I know Bill Brasky!
First: I want to be your dear friend.
Big Booming Voice: Hey everybody. This game is called on account of scotch. 'Cause Bill Brasky wants a drink.
Together: BILL BRASKY!!