A poem for a girl...

[MuGen]

This is a poem I wrote just thinking to myself one day. It's not about any particular girl...

"I see your eyes, engulfed with conviction and passion.
And the same eyes shrouded with mystery.
I hear your voice through the dischord,
I see a deluge of passer's by.
If you were hidden, I'd know your face in a crowd.
Your gaze speaks so loud.
I find myself asking the question,
what would I say if I ever found the purest form of beauty?
you may spend your whole life searching for it
would it be a foolish life to live?
In a retrospect...you wouldn't be able to say anything,
for finding that purest form of beauty would only
hinder your reaction time.
It is like looking directly at the sun's light.
You may catch a glance of it, but too long and it will burn your eyes.
But I'm ready to gaze into your eyes,
I will be brave, and I will not burn."

heh... comments?

[Ace195]

First off I like it.. now comes the however.. in your poem you use "big words" that some people don't understand your trying to woo said person not to confuse them.. Other than that it seems more like your saying it to them then a typical flow of a poem, but eh. new age poetry .. Works for me.. Thats it :)

Seth.... out!


6 more days till I leave for afghanistan :(

[MuGen]

i liked it in the olden times when they spoke of romance in such beautiful words.

I wouldn't exactly say this to a girl.... it's just thoughts floating in my head.

thanks for comments.

[Crash]

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I like your boobs
now why dont we screw



(that'll woo her for sure!)

but your poem, i love it... the ending 4 lines are kinda outta place it seems... that's just me, the rest of you may love it...I love the beginning and middle... absolutely great!!!

[Yugi Starwind]

Well, i'll tell you this. That's better than anything I can do. :D

[dropCGCF]

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I like your boobs
now why dont we screw



(that'll woo her for sure!)

but your poem, i love it... the ending 4 lines are kinda outta place it seems... that's just me, the rest of you may love it...I love the beginning and middle... absolutely great!!!

Then you can take her out to an expensive restaraunt (like Burger King) and order her something expensive (like something off of the dollar menu).

[Neo]

I'm just going to improvise to the lullaby of "Go to sleep"

You're a girl...
Your hair swirls..
I'd like to get to know you..

Come with me,
Have some tea,
And fill my heart with glee!

I like your eyes...
They look like flies...
I think I might just cry...

You're so tall,
Suck my b- uhh...
I'll wait for you to call!

[Stray_Bullet]

To the original poem:
I likey. It's rare when free verse has a good rhythm.

The vocabulary is excellent. And, Ace, ladies that would have any chance of being 'woo'ed by poetry can handle large words (and actually prefer them).

There are two types of poems, as I see it. Those that are written for entertainment, and those that are written for the self. I feel the poems for the self are more entertaining... especially those from people I know.

Anywho, this is a poem for the self. You wrote this for you... Sure, you posted it for others to see, but that doesn't change the meaning of the poem. It's personal. It's beautiful.

Perhaps I'll share some of mine with you some day. I write in meter though... I'd like to find an effective way to just write free. Maybe I'm too structured and predictable, heh.

[Vampyr]

For some reason I just got around to reading this thread.

But that was an awesome poem, Kyuzo. It was like each line could be quoted, and someone would think you were incredibly deep and profound. I especially liked the last three lines.

I'm a great advocate of writing poetry. Only most of my poems are songs, because I have a band I write for. I would post them...but I'm worried they could get taken. :( I wouldn't mind if they were all just written for fun, but my band needs them.

I award thee one reputation point.

[Dark Samurai]

Hmm... Kyozo... good poem...

Never figured you for the poetic type... seeing as I know you in the "real" world...

[MuGen]

Well this isn't something I would just come out and say when we're hanging out DS...

on the flipside... I'd like to thank everyone for the comments.