Neo
12-20-2004, 02:18 PM
The following takes place between 1:00 A.M. and 2:00 A.M. on the day of the Electronic Entertainment Expo. Events occur in real time.
Today, terrorists are plotting to assassinate a GameTavern administrator. Myself and my staff have been targeted, and people I work with may be involved in both. I am GameTavern administrator Neo, and today is the longest day of my life.
1:00:05
Bond picks himself up off the ground in a state of confusion and rubs the spots from his eyes. It only takes a few seconds for his memory to come rushing back. He remembers spurting along the sidewalk when all of a sudden the sky was lit up like a Christmas tree. Startled, he lost his balance and fell backwards off the Segway. Bond feels a sticky spot behind his head and realizes he must of injured himself in the fall. Unfortunately the X-Rays would have to wait. The source of the light show appeared to come from the direction of DarkMaster's house. Whenever something strange goes down DarkMaster and Link1130 are almost always at the center of it. He re-mounts his Segway which did not fall over when he lost his balance. Remarkable machine. Muttering to himself, he continues on towards DarkMaster's crib at a blazing 9mph.
1:01:42
Unable to subdue the rising flames, DarkMaster and Link1130 begin to panic. DM's parents will be most upset if their son burned their house to the ground. Fortunately DM's dad is out of town on "business" and his mother is visiting an aunt out of state. If DM can put out the fire he might be able to replace all the damaged furnishings before they come back home. These thoughts and more race through DM's mind as his lungs fill with thick noxious smoke. Coughing violently, he is dragged outside by jeepnut's slave and Link1130. Well, mainly by jeepnut's slave. Link1130 just pretended to help. Meanwhile the cell-shaded now-alive Link tried to extinguish the flames by using his bottle to dump water on them. This is of course an extremely inefficient process, and a frightened Link runs screaming into the night.
DM: "We have..*cough*...to save the equipment.."
Link1130: "You're right, one of us has to go back in there and retrieve it. I nominate jeepnut's slave."
jeepnut's slave: "Why should I have to do it?"
Link1130: (sighing) "BECAUSE...DarkMaster has to talk to the fire department once they get here, and I'm allergic to smoke, which leaves you. Now GO."
jeepnut's slave: "Goddamn it."
1:04:43
Unaware of the drama taking place at DarkMaster's, Neo tries to remain calm as his back-end files become more and more corrupted. He is still able to access GameTavern, but the loading times are noticeably longer. At this rate it's only a matter of time before the whole thing goes kaput. The site must be functional since E3 coverage is beginning in just a few hours. Neo immediately forms contingency plans to setup with a different server if HostRocket can't get their sh#t together in time. As he searches for a good one, he receives an IM from Dyne:
Dyne: "Hey, I thought you might want to know that DarkMaster's house is burning to the ground."
Neo: "What again?"
Dyne: "No that was killergremlin's last time."
Neo: "Oh right..."
Dyne: "Yeah Link1130 called and told me what was happening. Plus it seems they have finally succeeded in bringing Link to life."
Neo: "Sweet! Link's just who we need to battle the terrorists."
Dyne: "Well maybe not... It seems they brought forth homosexual WindWaker Link by mistake. What's more is he seems to have escaped."
Neo: "This is not the day we need this to happen. Alright, send the GameTavern chopper to pick up DarkMaster and begin a search operation for Link. He can't have him wondering around molesting young children or spreading his homosexual tendencies. Not that there's anything wrong with that."
Dyne: "Of course not."
1:15:37
jeepnut's slave lies on the grass as emergency personnel provide her with medical attention. DarkMaster and Link1130 try to explain to the nice fireman how the fire got started. jeepnut's slave thinks she overhears them say something about her careless smoking habit and antisocial fire-setting tendencies. Funny, she doesn't remember having a smoking habit. They must be talking about someone else she decides.
After looking over the equipment which jeepnut's slave saved from the burning abode he concludes it is still in working condition. But before they can attempt the experiment again they must find a new power source. They will most likely not have access to their generator until the fire department gives the all-clear.
1:21:15
Bond finally rolls on to the scene. After examining the scene in disgust he allows the medical personal to examine his head wound. They tell him he needs to go to the hospital to make sure he doesn't have a concussion. He jokes "what's a hospital?" but no one laughs, either because they've heard that one a million times before or because it's simply not funny.
The GameTavern chopper sets down in the street with Typhoid at the controls. DarkMaster, Link1130, jeenpnut's slave, and Bond all pile aboard. From a high altitude, a cell-shaded Link should be highly visible. Bond asks DM if he thinks he should stay until the fire dept is finished. DM doesn't see a point in it since it's fairly clear his house is toast.
1:31:25
Lost and disorientated, Link sits on the side of a road and cries. He reminces on happier times when life was simple and cartoon-like. Now he doesn't know where he is or how he got here. Fortunately his salvation comes in the form of an orange minivan. After pulling to the side of the road the door slides open.
Potsmoker1: "Whoa, check it out."
Potsmoker2: "Cool!"
Potsmoker1: "Hey little buddy what's up?"
Potsmoker3: "Sh#t dood I totally know who that is! It's like, Peter Pan or some sh#t."
Potsmoker2: "You are so high."
Potsmoker3: "No man I'm serious. He's like, this kid that flies around and sh#t, and he has to kill this guy who has a hook on his leg or some sh#t. That hook guy is a mean f#ck, I'm telling you."
Potsmoker1: "He's like a cartoon or some sh#t. Hey little man, wanna get high?"
Link's text: "Yes I should get high, that way I can see everything around me and find where I am!"
Potsmoker2: "HOLY SH#T DOOD, did you see that sh#t? The words were like there in the air or some sh#t! Hey man you have got to ride with us!"
Potsmoker3: "That is so f#cking cool. We gunna have a killa time."
1:38:34
The shadow member steps up the attack, becoming more brazen in his attempts to crash GameTavern. He risks someone following his trail by not taking the time to clean up after himself but he simply can't wait to see GT crash and burn. Those bitches were going to pay for what they did. Once the site is down and the target neutralized they will be able to proceed with their plans.
1:41:01
Neo: "No I already told you, the feedback loop is self-propagating. Where are your other tech support guys? Asleep? Well call them in, this is an emergency man! Call me back once you have something."
Neo wants to slam the phone down angrily but realizes that is impossible with a cell phone. The biggest videogame event of the year is only a few hours away and everything is going down the toilet. A dirty, nasty, scum-filled truck stop toilet.
*Knock Knock*
Neo answers the door to find Game Master standing there.
Neo: "What are you doing here, you're supposed to be at E3 with Stonecutter."
GM: "Do not worry, I will be there on time. I felt my presence may be of greater use here considering the circumstances."
Neo: "Well Bond and the crew are running aerial recon hoping to come across DarkMaster's failed science project. What happened to the days of the dry ice in the volcano? Anyway, I could use your help getting the new server ready if we have to make use of it."
Game Master: "I would be happy to lend my assistance to your worthwhile backup endeavors."
Neo: "Right."
1:48:59
High above the neighborhood, Typhoid executes a standard search pattern.
Link1130: "I don't see him anywhere! He couldn't have gotten far without his sailboat."
DarkMaster: "Keep your eyes peeled, he has to be down there somewhere."
Bond: "Think everyone, where would you go if you were a homosexual cartoon?"
DarkMaster: "Of course! I would try to penetrate a manhole. That must mean Link went into the sewers!"
Link1130: "Brilliant! Typhoid, set us down on that street corner up ahead."
Typhoid: "You guys are weird."
Typhoid skillfully maneuvers the GameTavern chopper and lands in the intersection. Fortunately at this time of night there are no cars around.
Bond: "Who gets to go down the manhole after Link?"
DarkMaster: "I nominate jeepnut's slave."
Link1130: "I second that."
Bond: "I third that."
jeepnut's slave: "Why do I have to do it?"
DarkMaster: (sighing) "BECAUSE....This is a democracy, and you got the most votes. That's how things work in this country. Now GET GOING."
jeepnut's slave: "I hate you guys."
1:54:49
While GameMaster uses a laptop to upload files to the new server, Neo tries to save what he can of the MySQL database.
Neo: "I think I have most of it, but I can't be sure."
GameMaster: "We will have to hope the legacy of GameTavern will live on elsewhere."
Neo: "Right."
GameMaster: "It will take sometime for our new IP to propagate. During that time we may lose members to other websites covering E3."
Neo: "We can't let that happen. We have to do whatever it takes to stay online."
Neo clicks the home button on his internet browser to see how long it will now take for GT to load. Unfortunately this time all he gets is a "page not found" error.
Neo: "It....can't.....be......It's all......GONE."
1:59:57
.
.
.
1:59:58
.
.
.
1:59:59
.
.
.
2:00:00
Today, terrorists are plotting to assassinate a GameTavern administrator. Myself and my staff have been targeted, and people I work with may be involved in both. I am GameTavern administrator Neo, and today is the longest day of my life.
1:00:05
Bond picks himself up off the ground in a state of confusion and rubs the spots from his eyes. It only takes a few seconds for his memory to come rushing back. He remembers spurting along the sidewalk when all of a sudden the sky was lit up like a Christmas tree. Startled, he lost his balance and fell backwards off the Segway. Bond feels a sticky spot behind his head and realizes he must of injured himself in the fall. Unfortunately the X-Rays would have to wait. The source of the light show appeared to come from the direction of DarkMaster's house. Whenever something strange goes down DarkMaster and Link1130 are almost always at the center of it. He re-mounts his Segway which did not fall over when he lost his balance. Remarkable machine. Muttering to himself, he continues on towards DarkMaster's crib at a blazing 9mph.
1:01:42
Unable to subdue the rising flames, DarkMaster and Link1130 begin to panic. DM's parents will be most upset if their son burned their house to the ground. Fortunately DM's dad is out of town on "business" and his mother is visiting an aunt out of state. If DM can put out the fire he might be able to replace all the damaged furnishings before they come back home. These thoughts and more race through DM's mind as his lungs fill with thick noxious smoke. Coughing violently, he is dragged outside by jeepnut's slave and Link1130. Well, mainly by jeepnut's slave. Link1130 just pretended to help. Meanwhile the cell-shaded now-alive Link tried to extinguish the flames by using his bottle to dump water on them. This is of course an extremely inefficient process, and a frightened Link runs screaming into the night.
DM: "We have..*cough*...to save the equipment.."
Link1130: "You're right, one of us has to go back in there and retrieve it. I nominate jeepnut's slave."
jeepnut's slave: "Why should I have to do it?"
Link1130: (sighing) "BECAUSE...DarkMaster has to talk to the fire department once they get here, and I'm allergic to smoke, which leaves you. Now GO."
jeepnut's slave: "Goddamn it."
1:04:43
Unaware of the drama taking place at DarkMaster's, Neo tries to remain calm as his back-end files become more and more corrupted. He is still able to access GameTavern, but the loading times are noticeably longer. At this rate it's only a matter of time before the whole thing goes kaput. The site must be functional since E3 coverage is beginning in just a few hours. Neo immediately forms contingency plans to setup with a different server if HostRocket can't get their sh#t together in time. As he searches for a good one, he receives an IM from Dyne:
Dyne: "Hey, I thought you might want to know that DarkMaster's house is burning to the ground."
Neo: "What again?"
Dyne: "No that was killergremlin's last time."
Neo: "Oh right..."
Dyne: "Yeah Link1130 called and told me what was happening. Plus it seems they have finally succeeded in bringing Link to life."
Neo: "Sweet! Link's just who we need to battle the terrorists."
Dyne: "Well maybe not... It seems they brought forth homosexual WindWaker Link by mistake. What's more is he seems to have escaped."
Neo: "This is not the day we need this to happen. Alright, send the GameTavern chopper to pick up DarkMaster and begin a search operation for Link. He can't have him wondering around molesting young children or spreading his homosexual tendencies. Not that there's anything wrong with that."
Dyne: "Of course not."
1:15:37
jeepnut's slave lies on the grass as emergency personnel provide her with medical attention. DarkMaster and Link1130 try to explain to the nice fireman how the fire got started. jeepnut's slave thinks she overhears them say something about her careless smoking habit and antisocial fire-setting tendencies. Funny, she doesn't remember having a smoking habit. They must be talking about someone else she decides.
After looking over the equipment which jeepnut's slave saved from the burning abode he concludes it is still in working condition. But before they can attempt the experiment again they must find a new power source. They will most likely not have access to their generator until the fire department gives the all-clear.
1:21:15
Bond finally rolls on to the scene. After examining the scene in disgust he allows the medical personal to examine his head wound. They tell him he needs to go to the hospital to make sure he doesn't have a concussion. He jokes "what's a hospital?" but no one laughs, either because they've heard that one a million times before or because it's simply not funny.
The GameTavern chopper sets down in the street with Typhoid at the controls. DarkMaster, Link1130, jeenpnut's slave, and Bond all pile aboard. From a high altitude, a cell-shaded Link should be highly visible. Bond asks DM if he thinks he should stay until the fire dept is finished. DM doesn't see a point in it since it's fairly clear his house is toast.
1:31:25
Lost and disorientated, Link sits on the side of a road and cries. He reminces on happier times when life was simple and cartoon-like. Now he doesn't know where he is or how he got here. Fortunately his salvation comes in the form of an orange minivan. After pulling to the side of the road the door slides open.
Potsmoker1: "Whoa, check it out."
Potsmoker2: "Cool!"
Potsmoker1: "Hey little buddy what's up?"
Potsmoker3: "Sh#t dood I totally know who that is! It's like, Peter Pan or some sh#t."
Potsmoker2: "You are so high."
Potsmoker3: "No man I'm serious. He's like, this kid that flies around and sh#t, and he has to kill this guy who has a hook on his leg or some sh#t. That hook guy is a mean f#ck, I'm telling you."
Potsmoker1: "He's like a cartoon or some sh#t. Hey little man, wanna get high?"
Link's text: "Yes I should get high, that way I can see everything around me and find where I am!"
Potsmoker2: "HOLY SH#T DOOD, did you see that sh#t? The words were like there in the air or some sh#t! Hey man you have got to ride with us!"
Potsmoker3: "That is so f#cking cool. We gunna have a killa time."
1:38:34
The shadow member steps up the attack, becoming more brazen in his attempts to crash GameTavern. He risks someone following his trail by not taking the time to clean up after himself but he simply can't wait to see GT crash and burn. Those bitches were going to pay for what they did. Once the site is down and the target neutralized they will be able to proceed with their plans.
1:41:01
Neo: "No I already told you, the feedback loop is self-propagating. Where are your other tech support guys? Asleep? Well call them in, this is an emergency man! Call me back once you have something."
Neo wants to slam the phone down angrily but realizes that is impossible with a cell phone. The biggest videogame event of the year is only a few hours away and everything is going down the toilet. A dirty, nasty, scum-filled truck stop toilet.
*Knock Knock*
Neo answers the door to find Game Master standing there.
Neo: "What are you doing here, you're supposed to be at E3 with Stonecutter."
GM: "Do not worry, I will be there on time. I felt my presence may be of greater use here considering the circumstances."
Neo: "Well Bond and the crew are running aerial recon hoping to come across DarkMaster's failed science project. What happened to the days of the dry ice in the volcano? Anyway, I could use your help getting the new server ready if we have to make use of it."
Game Master: "I would be happy to lend my assistance to your worthwhile backup endeavors."
Neo: "Right."
1:48:59
High above the neighborhood, Typhoid executes a standard search pattern.
Link1130: "I don't see him anywhere! He couldn't have gotten far without his sailboat."
DarkMaster: "Keep your eyes peeled, he has to be down there somewhere."
Bond: "Think everyone, where would you go if you were a homosexual cartoon?"
DarkMaster: "Of course! I would try to penetrate a manhole. That must mean Link went into the sewers!"
Link1130: "Brilliant! Typhoid, set us down on that street corner up ahead."
Typhoid: "You guys are weird."
Typhoid skillfully maneuvers the GameTavern chopper and lands in the intersection. Fortunately at this time of night there are no cars around.
Bond: "Who gets to go down the manhole after Link?"
DarkMaster: "I nominate jeepnut's slave."
Link1130: "I second that."
Bond: "I third that."
jeepnut's slave: "Why do I have to do it?"
DarkMaster: (sighing) "BECAUSE....This is a democracy, and you got the most votes. That's how things work in this country. Now GET GOING."
jeepnut's slave: "I hate you guys."
1:54:49
While GameMaster uses a laptop to upload files to the new server, Neo tries to save what he can of the MySQL database.
Neo: "I think I have most of it, but I can't be sure."
GameMaster: "We will have to hope the legacy of GameTavern will live on elsewhere."
Neo: "Right."
GameMaster: "It will take sometime for our new IP to propagate. During that time we may lose members to other websites covering E3."
Neo: "We can't let that happen. We have to do whatever it takes to stay online."
Neo clicks the home button on his internet browser to see how long it will now take for GT to load. Unfortunately this time all he gets is a "page not found" error.
Neo: "It....can't.....be......It's all......GONE."
1:59:57
.
.
.
1:59:58
.
.
.
1:59:59
.
.
.
2:00:00