Neo
12-17-2004, 03:44 PM
The following takes place between 12:00 A.M. and 1:00 A.M. on the day of the Electronic Entertainment Expo. Events occur in real time.
Today, terrorists are plotting to assassinate a GameTavern administrator. Myself and my staff have been targeted, and people I work with may be involved in both. I am GameTavern administrator Neo, and today is the longest day of my life.
12:00:27
The shadow member cautiously makes his way across the parking lot, alternating his attention between the path which lay in front of him and that which he just traversed. The quiet hum of the street lamps is the only sound which offered relief from the preternatural silence. The shadow member is alone this night, though he often preferred there to be one or two other souls present in the distance to justify his compulsion to hide in the darkness. Once comfortable he is in fact alone, he enters a faded brick building on the far side of the lot. He shuts the door behind him and engages the bolt, even though the chances that another human being would come knocking were slim to none. He mainly wants to discourage the vagrants and homeless who occasionally sought to escape the winter air within the still confines of abandoned buildings. He has much work to accomplish in the short time available. The target must be neutralized before the day ends. He heads to the rear of the building and quickly locates an old wooden desk with a computer already up and running. All of the equipment he needs is present, just as they said it would. Without further reflection he takes a seat and sets to work, pinging GameTavern's IP address.
12:04:34
Neo curses to himself as he is yet again sniped from an unknown location. Everytime he feels he has a fix on the position of the sniper, a shot rings out and his view shifts to a 3rd-person perspective so that he may have the privilege of watching his own corpse flail about briefly before coming to rest in a pool of his own blood. He wants to warn his teammates about the sniper but unfortunately his mic is useless between spawns. Halo 2 was a fantastic game no doubt, but also a frustrating one when incompetance is pitted against genius. Neo resolves himself to learn the maps better when the phone rings. Neo removes the mic and picks up his cell.
Neo: "ehh... Hello?"
Bond: "Hey man, it happened again."
Neo: "You got another email?"
Bond: "Yes, this time I think the threat is real."
Neo: "Why?"
Bond: "Because it read 'this time the threat is real'."
Neo: "Oh.. Well that's no good."
Bond: "No it isn't. Unless we figure out who's behind this then either you, Dyne, or myself will be dead by the end of the day. I just can't figure out why someone would want to kill us."
Neo: "Probably because GameTavern has become a major force in the global video game arena. What GameTavern posts, people read. We are in possession of a powerful tool for influencing world leaders and manipulating the political climate. Plus our impending coverage of E3 will go unmatched."
Bond: "Damn it, you're right. How did we get to be so popular?"
Neo: "That's not important right now. Hey my new game's about to start, let me know if you find out anything."
Bond: "But..."
Neo: "Later."
12:08:19
At DarkMaster's crib he and Link1130 are putting the finishing touches on their experimental setup. Having seen "Weird Science" one too many times, they devised a plan to bring their favorite video game characters to life using common household items. DarkMaster works with the equipment while Link1130 browses GT.
DarkMaster blows the dust his OoT cartridge and proceeds to clean the contacts with alcohol taken from Link1130's grandfather's liquor cabinet. He quickly dries the cartridge then attaches it to the specially modified GameShark, before inserting it into his N64 which has been ingeniously coupled to a Sega Saturn through a series of wires and modified bread board contacts. Next he takes the Link action figure and attaches gator clips to both ends. The clips are attached to wires which run all they way to a diesel-powered generator in the backyard.
DM: "Okay, everything's ready."
Link1130: "Hey check out this post Bond just made. He said he received a threat stating that GT will be attacked today and one of the administrators killed."
DM: "Uh huh. Hey can you hand me the.....wait, what?"
Link1130: "It's true. Maybe there's something we can do to help."
DM: "If we can summon Link then maybe he can defeat the terrorists."
Link1130: "Excellent idea! Is jeepnut's slave still in the basement?"
DM: "Yes, she's still on loan from jeepnut."
Link1130: "Okay, let's send her outside to crank on the generator."
12:18:14
The shadow member continues to probe GameTavern's server for weaknesses. It's only a matter of time before he finds his way through the back door. He opens up a new socket and pings the server, backing off whenever he encounters packet loss. He is not concerned with the authorities tracing him, yet he felt more comfortable working away from his own home. In the event he is traced the FBI won't be led to his home to slaughter his family, like last time.
12:26:31
Eyes heavy with sleep, Neo opts to test his meddle in a game of rumble pit. The first match makes him wear his ass for a hat, but during the second match he does fairly well and manages to nab second place. Confident from his victory, he powers down the big black machine and switches his router to PC internet. Upon opening his email he receives an alarming message from HostRocket. Somehow GT is critically low on hard drive space! This is impossible since just last week there were well over 100 MB available and now there are less than 20. Neo immediately pulls up a window and types a couple commands to ftp into the system. Searching the directories, he notices several hundred files with seemingly no purpose at all. What's more, the number of files appears to be increasing by the second. Panicking, Neo quickly deletes the files, only to see dozens more take their place.
12:42:25
Since there's nothing he can do from home, Bond departs his house and heads for DarkMaster's place. DarkMaster and Link1130 have been posting nonsense about bringing game characters to life and Bond felt it was his duty to make sure they weren't getting into trouble. Unfortunately it will take him a while since his only means of transportation is a Segway he purchased from a garage sell after the original owner ignored the recall.
12:48:30
After much sweating jeepnut's slave finally manages to bring the ancient generator to life. She had to fumble with the switches in the dark and it didn't help that DarkMaster and Link1130 kept throwing sh#t at her the whole time. The noise is deafening and can be heard for several blocks, no doubt irritating sleeping neighbors. Now that they have power, DarkMaster activates the console. At first nothing happens, then slowly the Link figurine begins to tingle with electrical energy.
12:53:55
Neo realizes that GameTavern is under attack. He immediately backs up what he can of the server and then sends an urgent email to HostRocket technical support. He thought they had taken every precaution but somehow something was eating through the firewalls.
12:57:36
Sparks fly and bolts of green electricity arc through DarkMaster's living room, singeing carpet and igniting drapes. Just when Link1130 is about to run outside to shut off the power, his tiny plastic counterpart morphs into a cell-shaded life-size Link. But due to a miscalculation, they did not succeed in bringing to life mature link. Instead they brought to life homosexual WindWaker Link!
DarkMaster: "You idiot! We made the wrong Link!"
Link1130: "Don't look at me, it was your game we used. Somehow it jumped dimensions and pulled the wrong Link out."
jeepnut's slave: "Well what do we do now?"
Link gazes up at his new masters. Instead of speaking, text appears in the air in front of him: "Hi my name is Link. What's your name?"
He then proceeds to finger his butthole.
12:59:57
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.
.
12:59:58
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.
.
12:59:59
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.
.
1:00:00
Today, terrorists are plotting to assassinate a GameTavern administrator. Myself and my staff have been targeted, and people I work with may be involved in both. I am GameTavern administrator Neo, and today is the longest day of my life.
12:00:27
The shadow member cautiously makes his way across the parking lot, alternating his attention between the path which lay in front of him and that which he just traversed. The quiet hum of the street lamps is the only sound which offered relief from the preternatural silence. The shadow member is alone this night, though he often preferred there to be one or two other souls present in the distance to justify his compulsion to hide in the darkness. Once comfortable he is in fact alone, he enters a faded brick building on the far side of the lot. He shuts the door behind him and engages the bolt, even though the chances that another human being would come knocking were slim to none. He mainly wants to discourage the vagrants and homeless who occasionally sought to escape the winter air within the still confines of abandoned buildings. He has much work to accomplish in the short time available. The target must be neutralized before the day ends. He heads to the rear of the building and quickly locates an old wooden desk with a computer already up and running. All of the equipment he needs is present, just as they said it would. Without further reflection he takes a seat and sets to work, pinging GameTavern's IP address.
12:04:34
Neo curses to himself as he is yet again sniped from an unknown location. Everytime he feels he has a fix on the position of the sniper, a shot rings out and his view shifts to a 3rd-person perspective so that he may have the privilege of watching his own corpse flail about briefly before coming to rest in a pool of his own blood. He wants to warn his teammates about the sniper but unfortunately his mic is useless between spawns. Halo 2 was a fantastic game no doubt, but also a frustrating one when incompetance is pitted against genius. Neo resolves himself to learn the maps better when the phone rings. Neo removes the mic and picks up his cell.
Neo: "ehh... Hello?"
Bond: "Hey man, it happened again."
Neo: "You got another email?"
Bond: "Yes, this time I think the threat is real."
Neo: "Why?"
Bond: "Because it read 'this time the threat is real'."
Neo: "Oh.. Well that's no good."
Bond: "No it isn't. Unless we figure out who's behind this then either you, Dyne, or myself will be dead by the end of the day. I just can't figure out why someone would want to kill us."
Neo: "Probably because GameTavern has become a major force in the global video game arena. What GameTavern posts, people read. We are in possession of a powerful tool for influencing world leaders and manipulating the political climate. Plus our impending coverage of E3 will go unmatched."
Bond: "Damn it, you're right. How did we get to be so popular?"
Neo: "That's not important right now. Hey my new game's about to start, let me know if you find out anything."
Bond: "But..."
Neo: "Later."
12:08:19
At DarkMaster's crib he and Link1130 are putting the finishing touches on their experimental setup. Having seen "Weird Science" one too many times, they devised a plan to bring their favorite video game characters to life using common household items. DarkMaster works with the equipment while Link1130 browses GT.
DarkMaster blows the dust his OoT cartridge and proceeds to clean the contacts with alcohol taken from Link1130's grandfather's liquor cabinet. He quickly dries the cartridge then attaches it to the specially modified GameShark, before inserting it into his N64 which has been ingeniously coupled to a Sega Saturn through a series of wires and modified bread board contacts. Next he takes the Link action figure and attaches gator clips to both ends. The clips are attached to wires which run all they way to a diesel-powered generator in the backyard.
DM: "Okay, everything's ready."
Link1130: "Hey check out this post Bond just made. He said he received a threat stating that GT will be attacked today and one of the administrators killed."
DM: "Uh huh. Hey can you hand me the.....wait, what?"
Link1130: "It's true. Maybe there's something we can do to help."
DM: "If we can summon Link then maybe he can defeat the terrorists."
Link1130: "Excellent idea! Is jeepnut's slave still in the basement?"
DM: "Yes, she's still on loan from jeepnut."
Link1130: "Okay, let's send her outside to crank on the generator."
12:18:14
The shadow member continues to probe GameTavern's server for weaknesses. It's only a matter of time before he finds his way through the back door. He opens up a new socket and pings the server, backing off whenever he encounters packet loss. He is not concerned with the authorities tracing him, yet he felt more comfortable working away from his own home. In the event he is traced the FBI won't be led to his home to slaughter his family, like last time.
12:26:31
Eyes heavy with sleep, Neo opts to test his meddle in a game of rumble pit. The first match makes him wear his ass for a hat, but during the second match he does fairly well and manages to nab second place. Confident from his victory, he powers down the big black machine and switches his router to PC internet. Upon opening his email he receives an alarming message from HostRocket. Somehow GT is critically low on hard drive space! This is impossible since just last week there were well over 100 MB available and now there are less than 20. Neo immediately pulls up a window and types a couple commands to ftp into the system. Searching the directories, he notices several hundred files with seemingly no purpose at all. What's more, the number of files appears to be increasing by the second. Panicking, Neo quickly deletes the files, only to see dozens more take their place.
12:42:25
Since there's nothing he can do from home, Bond departs his house and heads for DarkMaster's place. DarkMaster and Link1130 have been posting nonsense about bringing game characters to life and Bond felt it was his duty to make sure they weren't getting into trouble. Unfortunately it will take him a while since his only means of transportation is a Segway he purchased from a garage sell after the original owner ignored the recall.
12:48:30
After much sweating jeepnut's slave finally manages to bring the ancient generator to life. She had to fumble with the switches in the dark and it didn't help that DarkMaster and Link1130 kept throwing sh#t at her the whole time. The noise is deafening and can be heard for several blocks, no doubt irritating sleeping neighbors. Now that they have power, DarkMaster activates the console. At first nothing happens, then slowly the Link figurine begins to tingle with electrical energy.
12:53:55
Neo realizes that GameTavern is under attack. He immediately backs up what he can of the server and then sends an urgent email to HostRocket technical support. He thought they had taken every precaution but somehow something was eating through the firewalls.
12:57:36
Sparks fly and bolts of green electricity arc through DarkMaster's living room, singeing carpet and igniting drapes. Just when Link1130 is about to run outside to shut off the power, his tiny plastic counterpart morphs into a cell-shaded life-size Link. But due to a miscalculation, they did not succeed in bringing to life mature link. Instead they brought to life homosexual WindWaker Link!
DarkMaster: "You idiot! We made the wrong Link!"
Link1130: "Don't look at me, it was your game we used. Somehow it jumped dimensions and pulled the wrong Link out."
jeepnut's slave: "Well what do we do now?"
Link gazes up at his new masters. Instead of speaking, text appears in the air in front of him: "Hi my name is Link. What's your name?"
He then proceeds to finger his butthole.
12:59:57
.
.
.
12:59:58
.
.
.
12:59:59
.
.
.
1:00:00